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A Guide to Not Being Gullible; AKA Beware the Munchausen By Internet
- Oct 30, 2007 at 4:08 PM
- By
- Comments (105) Total Views (10159) Everyone can see this journal post.
This afternoon I posted a warning on the journal post concerning the supposed story of a 10 week old dying in a friend's care over the weekend in which the mother came directly online (did not pass go, did not collet 200 dollars) and relayed the tragic story. Anyone who cried fowl (and I do mean big fat turkey) had their posts immediately deleted while the said poster was supposed to be offline making funeral arrangments. If that didn't confirm the fish story what would? Well apparantly there was still an outpouring of sympathy even though the poster wasn't even supposed to be online in the first place.
So how can you not be gullible? First, one must know the perptrator and what they look for. I've been on the Internet for more than a dozen years and I've seen all this before and it plays out the same way. There is always a pattern. It isn't always about money (sometimes it is) mostly it is about being the center of attention and gathering up a following.
Identify the Nature of the Attention Hound
1. They are nearly always new members. A tragedy relayed to the public board at large within a few weeks of posting is the first sign of a fish story.
2. They seek boards in which the population is trusting and always forthcoming with the virtual hugs and sympathy and prayers. In other words, an atmosphere of nearly blind trust. It is much easier to infiltrate an enormous loose community like Cafemom than it is to wheedle one's way into a private group of a closeknit community.
3. They always say that the Internet is how they are "making it through" and that it is the "only thing keeping them together" and that "without the support of all the people they would be a mess"
4. They will claim to be "gone" to take care of whatever situation it is they are claiming, but they are active elsewhere and clearly online and posting in another place.
5. They seem to have Internet connections in the strangest places. Internet connection in the hospital, for example, or the house of their sister's cousin's father's former roomate.
6. Mysterious "relatives" seem to pop up to defend them and use the same IP address or the same username and claim that so-and-so gave it to them and "OMG all this stress and negativity is causing her to have a stroke."
7. They take on the guise of the sweet and innocent but tragic life. Something is always going wrong. They join a lot of groups and post nice things though never enough to really get to know them, but just enough to get a small backstory going. Some even go so far as to post other people's pictures.
8. Their "bad luck" gets progressively worse and worse until it culminates into a death or terminal disease.
9. The non-ameteurs are good. Very good. They are experts in manipulation. They have their stories well planned out with verifying details, pictures carefully chosen, and they first make close, tight knit friends over the course of MONTHS or a YEAR or more to suck them in before dropping the first in a line of tragic events. These people are hard to spot. It is only when a few people start to put two and two together that the story begins to unravel, but not before they are ganged up upon for being so mean to the longstanding member going through such a hard time. Again, a real story is easy to confirm. A web of lies that is well woven is hard to break apart.
10. They use real stories and real emotions to play upon. An attention seeker is more likely to choose death or disease to relay than a story that requires them to keep playing or coming up with new information as time passes. That isn't to say that they don't do so, but death, illness and disease are much more convenient and shocking for that immediate gut reaction. That is what you want from an audience because if given to much time to think there is no effect.
How to Identify a Fish-Story
1. Inconsistency and unbelievability: It can be hard to keep track of the trail of lies that inevitably goes with a fish story. The ameteurs generally do this quite early on. Ages not right. Medical impossibilities. Backtracking.
2. Post tone: A person who has truly gone through something tragic will have a certain tone to their posts, a way of writing, things they say that lend credibility to what they say; and are generally private and not sent to the community at large unless a significant amount of time has gone by. Posts of a lie are contrived, have an eerie balance and have certain elements in this pattern in the present tense: Dear Everyone--Opening sad statment--followed by very vague details--and a closing of 'how am I going to get through this', punctuated by a 'send thoughts/prayers'. A short while later update posts are produced. Real tragic events are nearly always spoken about in the past tense as nearly all of the time it is hard for the person to talk about it and a significant amount of time has passed since the event.
3. Online Activity: Pay attention to when events are supposed to have occured and see if they are possible. If the person is supposed to be in the hospital why are they posting on a thread on a similar site? The reality is that these people are members of multiple boards and don't think they are known.
4. Newspapers and Funerals: Any tragic accident is going to be in the local paper. If there is a death there will be funeral arrangments or a funeral announcement. There was one incident I witnessed in which the story was so good and the member a LONG TIME member made up a story and when someone took up a collection and tried to send flowers the fake story's cover was blown.
5. Passwords: Who gives their online password on their deathbed to their sisterunclemothercousinunclebrother just to come online to post a defense or to relay tragic information updates every half an hour!? No one except liars. There was one real story that I remember on another community in which a husband logged in to relay information several days after the fact under his own name becaues he knew the community (he knew his wife spent a lot of time there) and wanted to say thank you for the letters and flowers. The truth of the story had already been confirmed.
6. Recycled stories: It is not unusual for people to use stories they have read on the Internet or in a book and change a few details. When a prolific community memember or prolific reader says they have seen the story or picture somewhere before, you may want to consider the possibility.
So What Was Wrong About the CafeMom Fiasco
1. A 10 week old given to a friend for the ENTIRE weekend.
2. A posting of a positive pregnancy test the day of the alleged tragedy within a couple of hours.
3. Day 1 should have been a day spent at the hospital and a night of being bombarded with family, answering questions and being generally a big giant mess, hysterical even. Day 2 should be full of arrangements and dealing with any investigations (which their should be if it happened the way it was told) There shouldn't be time to log in and explain things this soon or to spend precious time defending the story.
4. Public posting. Why post publicly to hundreds (if not thousands) of total strangers instead of sending any necessary private mails and notes to a select few friends. The people who know you. The ones who will give support.
5. Posting a tragedy soon after logging into a brand new website is a Big Red Flag.
6. Posts pointing out inconsistenceis mysteriously dissapeared after only a few minutes (one of mine included that was shorter and much more kind and brief than the second one I posted). So the person must have been online, active, and reading them (which she said she wasn't supposed because she had arrangments to make which she stated in a THIRD journal post) in order to delete them immediately.
7. This person had posted three separate journals on the same topic instead of updating the original--which by itself wouldn't be cause for suspision but with everything else it just adds to the list of things that just didn't add up.
8. The poster was 10 weeks post partum and pregnant again. Rare enough by itself, but together with the tragic death is also a Big Red Flag. A double dose of sympathy works even better than just one and it draws attention away from the other event and can be used for a convenient excuse.
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So reader beware. Don't immediately dismiss a voice of dissent that says "hey, this doesn't seem right." Not everyone on the internet is truthful because a computer makes a great mask.
Edited to Add: First, I am very glad that so many found this post helpful! I wanted to add something, however. There is nothing wrong with a new member posting a horrible story the first time logging in--sometimes that is what they registered for; to get it out. I have done it myself. The difference is that they will nearly always post in a specific group, they have very vivid details, they often "ramble" because they are having difficulty getting their thoughts down, and their posts do not have that weird calm monotone of a story that is made up. Unless the person is a very good writer, made up stories read very hollow. When a real person with a real story is asked questions they answer immediately and their answers do not vary at all even if they are asked the same question by five different people. They do not hedge or evade questions and there is no need to call them on an inconsistency because there aren't any!
It is ALL the elements I talked about together in this article that makes for a hoax; the things that do not reconcile with common sense. This doesn't mean that you won't get taken in by an expert liar, but it will allow you to better avoid the obvious fakes.
Don't be the post police though! I once got accused of being an employee at at a bridal shop pretending to be an bride just to post where I got my dress by one person who was on a one-woman mission to stamp out "people like me". It was my first day, it was a bridal bargains site, I couldn't help it, I was so happy after a dreadful first outing at another place and I gave a glowing report! The problem was that even when I proved I was telling the truth beyond a shadow of a doubt, that one person didn't even have the decency to apologize. She was even rude and nasty when she confronted me about it in the post. Just don't get overzealous, the best thing to do when in doubt is not involve yourself in it. If you are so sure of a lie then say it with grace. And if you make a mistake then do make amends.
Comments:
if people are guilable enough to be parted from their money with a hoax- they deserve the loss.... (unless elderly- I have when I read about the elderly getting ripped off like that)
~~Kimberly
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Thank you for posting this. I saw the story when she first posted but it felt fishy to me...probably from watching other posts of this nature turn out to be fakes. Its a sick sad person who would stoop so low as to fake a death. I hope that many read this and use some caution in the future. I know that we all want to believe that people are good but that simply is not so. Thanks again.
You rock out loud. THANK YOU for posting this. Its amazing how many people said very nasty things about ppl who initially questioned her post. Your common sense wont steer you wrong, people!
if people are guilable enough to be parted from their money with a hoax- they deserve the loss.... (unless elderly- I have when I read about the elderly getting ripped off like that)
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Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. There is such a thing as Internet Innocence. People who have never experience such blatant lies in the Internet world just aren't aware of the things that people have done. Some people are also fairly new to Internet communities and being oline at all. I don't blame them for being taken in emotionally the first time.
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Thanks, but I just don't care that much( whether its true or not)
Bottom line is, I did the right thing
NOONES getting money of any kind from me either way.
If someone was that sick to do that, then they maybe need attention, and so all it cost me was a few words on the keyboard.
No big deal
Good post though!
- lillpop
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