HELP!!!! I NEED ADVICE!!!

[ag7ag3]

My daughter, Abby, is getting out of hand.  She has this new thing now.  When I tell her she can't do something or can't have something she automatically says "You don't love me anymore" or "I don't like you Mom".   I know that is something that all kids say, but it is getting so old.  She can also cry at the drop of a hat when she wants to.  I always tell that "that's too bad that you don't like me but I love  you very much and that will never change."  She has also been hitting and yelling at me a lot lately.  I am trying so hard to be patient with her but it is getting very hard.  Does anyone have any advice or tips.  My older son is 7 and he was never like this.  What should I do, I have tried to take things from her but that doesn't change anything.  I've tried time outs and she yells, "No" and runs away from me.  PLEASE TELL ME ANY ADVICE THAT MIGHT HELP!!!!

 Cammi

[SMILEY84]

Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:46 PM

IT'S A STAGE MY 4 YEAR OLD SON SAYS THE SAME THING TO ME WHEN HE DOESN'T GET HIS WAY, BUT HEY I REMEMBER SAYING TO MY MOM THAT I DIDN'T LIKE HER. IT'S A PHASE SHE'LL GET OVER IT. BUT I'M SO THE SAME BOAT.

[Tiredbattleax]

Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:48 PM

"I love you but I don't much like you right now either." Watch her face when you say THAT.

Monster was hitting and kicking us for a while too but we did it right back to her (not hard, just enough to get her attention) and it stopped. My mom doesn't stop her and she kicks my mom all the time.

[allamericankate]

Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:48 PM I don't have much advice but I think that not giving in is the right thing to do! You will have years to be their friend after they are grown but they need a parent now, so good job mom! Maybe if you didn't have a conversation with her about how you still love her always until after she has calmed down. She might see that as "giving in". Maybe if you responded with "well, I'm sorry you feel that way" or "that is too bad". We were usually sat down to think about things. 1) why we did what we did 2) why it was wrong 3) how it made others feel 4) what we can do it keep it from happening again and 5) a sincere apology. Until we came up with those things we were not allowed to do anything. Then usually the "nothing you can do can make me stop loving you" speech followed. Every child is different but it might be worth a try.

[dinalily]

Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:52 PM

My daughter used to tell me that I wasn't invited to her birthday party! (When she was about 4). I told her that was fine, but if I can't come then I can't bring presents. She would say this anytime of the year - never mind how close it was to her birthday.

Then at about 8 or 9 she started telling me she hates me. I think the most memorable was "I hate everybody, especially YOU mommy!" She said it with so much anger! I learned very quickly that if I reacted then she was getting what she wanted. So I would just respond with something very nonchalant like "that's fine, but you still have to brush your hair" Much much later we would sit down and quietly discuss what she said and how when she says those things that it hurts people. I understand that she's angry, but she needs to find a different way of expressing it.

I think this is just something that girls do. They have such an emotional connection that when they are angry it can very quickly feel overwhelming and the only thing that relates is hate. She has stopped since and although she still gets angry, she hasn't said the hate word in a while (I'm sure it will find its way back into her vocabulary once we hit the teen years!

As far as advice... I would say wait until everyone is calm again before issuing any punishment. I know that anger clouds judgment and when she is angry with you, she'll only see the punishments as you being mean - not something she earned with her actions.

Hope this helps!

[ag7ag3]

Nov. 1, 2007 at 12:15 PM

Thank you so much to eveyone for your advice.  I am going to try to stay patient with her and remember that this is a stage and she will out grow it.

 THANKS AGAIN!!!!

(Original Poster)