Lonely And Crushed (Very Long Post)

[madismom]

This last Wednesday my wonderful sister in-law had a brain aneurysm.  She made it through the night, and my hubby, my 2 year old daughter and I were in a cab on our way to the airport when we got a call from his father, he asked my hubby if it was just him coming out or if it was all of us.  Hubby replied that it was all of us and his dad told him not to come out stating that his sister wouldn't recognize him and that it wasn't a good idea to be there right now??  Let me back up a little, we spoke to his other sister who is handling everything..the hospital is an hour away and she was driving the parents back and forth..they are a little up there in age and can't really drive all that well and with all of the stress and worries it was just not a good situation.  We spoke with her before we booked the flight to make sure that it was a good idea for all of us to come out..she said absolutely and that we would be a great help, but she didn't want to tell her parents cuz she didn't want them to be concerned about cleaning the house and stuff like that.  Ok back to where I was, the next day my hubby talked to his mother and she apologized for everything..they are just not thinking clearly and who could blame them..but he again asked if it was ok for all of us to come out ..she said no only you please.  Now I am trying to not make this about me, but I love my sister in-law very much and I want to see her so bad and to let her know that I'm there for her.  She is the one that I am the closest to in the family.  It just feels like because I'm not a blood relative that I shouldn't be there, I spoke with my father in-law and he told me that this is not about separating families and that he would give anything to see his granddaughter but it's not the right time.  I can kind of understand that but my sister in-law will be in her own room come Monday she is doing Great thank god, she is having conversations, she ate today and she also managed to get out of bed 3 times to make phone calls..which is a huge no no but it is also a good sign,  and it's just killing me that if I was there I could see her but since I don't have a place to stay I can't, I thought about getting a hotel room for me and my daughter but I feel like that would just cause more tension.  My hubby is out there right now and I'm very glad for that cuz he needs to be there, We have NO family out here and all of my close friends have moved to other states within the past year.. I have you know..acquaintance friends but not close ones that I could ask to stay over in this big house..which this is the first time that I have been without my hubby in our house, and as I sit here with my daughter looking at 2 airline tickets I can't help but feel very lonely and crushed.  I have always felt like I was a part of the family and now I'm just not too sure.  Sorry that this was so long but thank you for reading and letting me vent.

[horseymom_three]

Nov. 10, 2007 at 11:23 PM

I feel really bad for you. "Blood" should not matter when it comes to matters of the heart. You ARE family, and, obviously, so is your daughter, so I would go anyway. It seems like you love your sister-in-law, and you should let her know that, no matter what. When these things happen, that is when family is needed the most, and it seems like someone in your in-law's family is totally missing the point...

Good luck.

Amber

[katplus4]

Nov. 10, 2007 at 11:23 PM

I'm sorry you're so sad. I hope that everything turns out alright. Hopefully, the family will see that you were only concerned and that they were being a little insensitive. I know that they might not look at it like that but you are a part of that family too. You were as soon as you said I do. They have to see that if it's something concerning the family, that it concerns you as well. Everything will be okay in time, you'll see.

[Tnamari]

Nov. 10, 2007 at 11:41 PM

Vent momma vent-it does seem strange-like there is something missing-maybe your husband can fill you in when he gets back-----i have been to the hospital w/ myhusband to see ppl i have never met--if you are closest to her and there is a turn for the worse.....just doesnt seem right--very odd.....i do pray she makes a full recovery~and hope it works out in the family also(((((((((huggs)))))))))))))

[All4my3boys]

Nov. 10, 2007 at 11:56 PM I totally understand the way you are feeling. And I think you have every right to feel that way. You love your sister in law, and want to be there for her in her time of need. But I guess we all deal with things in different ways, and they just need time to deal. I hope you get to see her really soon. And most of all I am glad she is recovering well. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, Kandi.XOXO

[bctripletmom]

Nov. 11, 2007 at 12:00 PM From what you say I don't understand why they prefer you don't come.  It may help her to hear from you too.  I hope everything works out with the family soon and you and Madi can join your hubby.  Still praying for her full recovery.

[Leeshamak]

Nov. 13, 2007 at 2:45 PM

Oh my! I missed this entirely~ Sorry! How awful! I swear, sometimes family hurts the most! Because they know the spot that is tender....

I would have just gone! Hang them all! Not literally~ You know what I mean~ lol! Nobody should be able to make you feel that way! She is your sis in law after all....

My dad pulled something like this the day my bro got married; he said let's get a picture with only the Olsen's (meaning my bro & new wife, me and him~ NOT my hubby!) I said~ No WAY! I am not even an Olsen anymore... So stupid what we do to our own FAMILY, isn't it??

*sigh* well... I am sorry you didn't get to go~ That so, so stinks!