Friday's Fabulous Five (Lindsay Lohan is a Loser)

[courtney]

Friday… Friday, Friday, Friday… What was it that I was supposed to do on Friday, again? The laundry? No, no… that was Wednesday. The shopping? No, that was Thursday. What the heck is it that I’m supposed to do today? See? This is why a need one of those nifty personal assistant type people to get me coffee in the mornings.

 

Ah, yes. I remember now.

 

I’m supposed to have a manicure… Right after I do the FFFs, of course.

 

I give you Friday’s Fabulous Five: Poor folk need warm feet too or The Celebrity Perks I Shouldn’t Be Without

 

(*Note: This is an exercise on typical celebrity behavior and the personal perks of being far too wealthy for one’s own good. I firmly expect greedy, selfish, and oh so ‘diva’-ish responses or else you’ll be removed from my sight immediately and demoted to D-List Mom post haste.)

  

1.Because Slippers Belong in the Trailer Park

 

Lil’ John has heated bathroom floors. Yes, heated bathroom floors- outrageously expensive tiled floor that heats up at the touch of a button in order to keep his poor little pampered feet from freezing on the frigid morning trip to the even more expensive custom-made pisser.

 

I have no idea who Lil’ John is or what it is that he needs platinum teeth for; but I envy his feet and am seriously considering taking up the art of rapping. Yo.

 

 

2. Because Security Gates are for  A*holes

 

John Travolta has his own landing strip in his back yard. No, dunderhead, not that kind of landing strip… A landing strip for his personal jet. Yep, personal jet. Personal jet as in fly to Paris for fresh breakfast croissants or to Bangladesh just because it’s Tuesday (not quite sure that they do anything special in Bangladesh on Tuesdays; but, by golly, if I had my own private jet I’d sure as hell find out).

     

3. Because Dressing Yourself is Overrated

 

Last week someone made fun of Nicole Ritchie’s shoes. Instead of bursting into tears and dropping her self-esteem off at the landfill like us normal girls, she simply fired her stylist and got a better one. Well, better is a bit subjective, eh? But, seriously, it’s just like having your mommy lay out matching clothes for school every morning. Yep. Could totally handle that.

 

Good thing my mommy likes Jimmy Choos.

 

    

 

4.  Because This Time, I Am Talking About That Kind of Landing Strip

Not that I really need or like to see celebrity hoo hoo on every street corner, but has anyone else noticed that they all seem to be incredibly groomed? 

It’s like “super wax of the gods” or something… and, obviously, you only get to use it if you’ve made either a really annoying pop song or an equally annoying teenage angst flick.

It ain’t fair I tell ‘ya.

 

  

5. Because Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder (and the camera, and the screen, and red carpet…)

 

The world’s best surgeons and airbrush artists on speed dial.

 

Need I say more?

 

 

 

 

 

  You know the rules!!!!

So... your turn! I want to know what ‘celebrity perks’ you shouldn’t have to do without. Make your list long or short, sane or not, but, most importantly, make it fun.

Have a great weekend, Ladies!!! 

[ksbondgirl]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:18 AM

Let's See...

1)  A Personal Chef

2) A Driver

3) A Maid

4) A Therapist

5) A Personal Physician

Oooppppssss!!!!!  All of these are my job as "Mommy"!  Oh Well,....

[mommyofbg]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:20 AM

 Great one, so glad your back and doing these FFF's again, its about time!  The five celebrity perks I shouldnt have to live without would be...

1.  The stress relieving holidays they take weekly to the most expensive beautiful parts of the world.  Where the spend as much on the hotel suite as my mortgage costs.

2.  The ability to wear something new everyday....and having the huge closet to store all their "old" clothes in.

3.  Their mulitple housing's all over the world....because you know sometimes those darn hotels are just not enough to make them feel at home.

4.  Free perks for being a celebrity...you know they basically dont have to pay for anything once they hit it big....their great advertisers....I guess when you have lots of money you dont actually need it for much anymore.

5.  A group of personal assistants for everything following me around the world because since I got rich I forgot how to comb my hair, do my makeup and of course dress myself.

[milf_momma2two]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:20 AM

haha i actually liked this one.

1. i want my own home theatre, and basketball court, and i want an indoor swimming pool and an outdoor swimming pool. oh yea and i want 10 houses that i never spend any time in because im too busy traveling.

2. i want free stuff. why is it that the billionaires get "goody bags" filled with Gucci bags and Chanel shades and all that good stuff that they can afford to buy themselves? I WANT THAT.

3. ever wonder how celeb moms manage to go from huge 9 month preggo lady to itty bitty teeny tiny invisible waist 4 weeks postpartum super model? i want their plastic surgeon and/or personal trainer.

4. i want to never have to go to starbucks for my yummy coffee treats, i dont want to have to ruin my freshly manicured nails tying my shoes, i dont want to have to do those pesky errands to the grocery store, or the dry cleaners, or well, to anywhere. i want a personal assistant. and i also want to fire them for something stupid, just to be a bitch.

5. i want to walk out of the house everyday with perfectly groomed hair, i want to have flowing waves one day, beautiful big curls the next, then perfectly bone straight the next, i also want my hair to be up at my jaw one day, then the next down past my waist, i want brown hair one week, red the next, and blonde later. i want a personal hair dresser.....

[treesx4]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:23 AM

Hmmm..What celebrit perks do i want or need or really cant afford?

1. I want to die and have the whole world care if my body goes to holly hills cemetery or Bugertown cemetery...but please don't let me rot..or if I do splash some Loves baby Soft on me for the funk.

2.I want to have a theme park named after me...hmm..we have Dollywood...I have big honkers so we can name it Titty City...Think of all the cool "mamerobilia" we can sell..

3. Slippers are for Caming..I have heated floors too..

[treesx4]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:25 AM ohhh..and I want someone to teach me how to hit the spell check button..lol

[jess237]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:29 AM

1. A Maid/Butler.  who needs it more than this working mama of 2!

2.  Free Plastic Surgery.  I willl be happy to go on every flipping tabloid and say exactly WHOM tucked my tummy, lifted my tatas, and yanked up my crows feet.

3.  Personal trainer.  some Adonis looking bubba who will smack my ass on the starimaster/treadmill.

4.  Unique Whip/Overhaulin/PimpmyRide.  Either doll up my 98 Grand Jeep Cherokee liek a true hoop-dee or doll up some Escalade of my dreams for me.

5.  Spa 'rehab' stays.  Even if i stay for jsut 23 hours in Antigua to see if i like it....

 

thanks for the chance to FFF..............

[Mrs.E]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 11:36 AM

Okay I'm gonna need:

1. a personal in house hairdresser/colorist- because my hair is kinda shitty and I want it nice, So "FIX IT NOW or I'll shave it off!!!"

2. a personal trainer- cuz what I really need is someone kickin' my ass all day long.

3. a yacht with a full crew- cuz I love the ocean and want to spend time on it, but I don't want to drive

4. a personal assistant- so I don't have to take my own calls anymore unless I REALLY want to talk to people.

5. a GOOD and HONEST accountant- because paying bills depresses me and I don't wanna do it anymore!!

[Wheresroxy]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 12:07 PM

Oh - so many good ideas!

I want:

~ That personal hair/makeup person - since I do NOT go out of the house without looking absolutely fab, and it would be so much simpler to just sit down and say (imperiously, of course) "DO me!" That and have them chase me around, fixing every flaw so I always look absolutely fab.

~ People fawning over me - making sure I am always at my "best", helping me get to the head of the line, putting my appointments first, never making me wait and generally catering to my every single need.

~  A personal Masseur - yes, I said Masseur - I do not want some girl rubbing me down, damn it... If I'm gonna have one, he'd better have hands that can stroke out the worst of muscle knots and look like Hugh Jackman while he's doing it

(While I'm at it - I think my hair and makeup person should also be a good looking hunk... Don't care if they're straight or gay - I don't really wanna know...) 

~  An "entourage" and staff - yep. That group of people who surround the celebs... I want mine to include a big, buff and good looking security guy, a personal assistant (to hire any other staff I may need - I want to support the local economy after all) as well as that hair/makeup guy and the masseur, plus an assortment of riders of coattails... I get to toss the creepy and unworthy, of course.

~ Multiple homes on multiple coasts in multiple countries - why not? That way, I can just decide I wanna move because the season changed, or because dinner in the south of France sounds good. 

Sheesh - if I'm gonna have the perks - I may as well go for the BIG ones, right? 

[GigglinGrizzly]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 12:08 PM

1. Weekly winning lotto ticket numbers at my fingertips so if I need to, i can cash them in when needed.

2. My own personal jet, and the landing strip in MY backyard.  (the BF is a pilot!)

3.  A personal trainer that will give me massages after every workout with a "happy ending" LOL  And a great plastic sergeon with a magical laser to zap away zits and wrinkles.

4. A personal hairdresser and makeup artist to make me look Fabulous EVERY day!

5. An enormous mansion with a maid, butler, gormet chef, driver for my Bentley, nanny, accountant, stylist and landscape architect. 

[ravensgirl]

Feb. 23, 2007 at 12:42 PM

1.  A car for every day of the week, plus special ones for holidays.

2.  A closet the size of my house, full of clothes that cost more than some cars.

3.  Servants, I mean employees, to do all of the jobs around the house that I don't like to do.  Which is all of them.

4.  Someone to do my hair and make up for me everyday, cause I sure as hell don't bother with it.

5.  A personal library larger than the larges Barnes & Noble.