Major Rant Plea for help mild cussing

[CheyennesMamma]

Ok so I don't know what is wrong with me but I am going through a little spell where I am ticked off at both my DD and my DH I love them yes but right now they are driving me insane. My DH is being super touchy like when we went to decorate the tree for Christmas he was holding our DD and I made a comment about him helpig decorate and he got all pissy which I don't get I thought it was supposed to be a family thing that is how I grew up so I told him I was going to wait till he got back from being on the road to do the tree. So why get bitchy with me over offering to let him hang some ornaments???? and my DD has decided that she thinks she is supposed to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and stay awake so mommy walks around like a damn zombie all day untill she can finally get her down for a nap and take one herself.  Which isn't too bad when DH is home cuz I can have him watch her but when he is out on the road I am doing it all by myself not to mention that Half the time he is here I feel like I am the only one doing anything.  He says he will do something then I takes him oh I don't know until I finally break down and do it myself till it gets down they only thing he does recently has been to play with our daughter and to do the damn dishes I have to clean the House do the laundry take out the trash take care of the baby change the baby feed her put her to sleep and also I have to do all teh minor repairs around here too this isn't fair and I am tired of it and he doesn't see that and I don't know how to tell him with out him getting upset because he will be like well I have to work so that we can pay the bills unless you want to go to work and let me stay home with DD and I know he is stressed cuz our money situation we are barely making it I mean We do but we are about a month behind on all the bills and our bank account is at 0 constintlly.  I keep telling him that it will all work out and that if we can just hold out till tax time we will be ok but he still worries which is fine but don't take that out on me that you are worried about it and HELP ME AROUND THE HOUSE I mean if he would put the damn plastic on the windows and winterize the house we wouldn't have such a high gas or electric bill cuz the heaters wouldn 't be on as much does this make sence??? has anyone else had this problem Help me please.

[ppdivaselena]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 8:58 AM I have it here once in awhile! But I get like you and finally do it myself! My DH after talking to him a little about it does pitch in more. So definetly talk to him about it. It might be hard for him to hear it but as I put it to my Dh is that my job is 24/7 and eventhough he works a lot it is still nice to have him hope out more too. So now he takes out the trash! He will give our son a bath so that I can clean up after dinner. That helps a lot. Before I would do the bath, get our son to sleep which can range anywhere from 8-10pm. Urrgh we are working on that one too oh wait I should say I am lol. My husband use to come home only on sundays mainly and some saturdays with his previous job in NC, which kept him out of town. We moved to PA with the hope of him being home every night though he worked long hours! Luckily he is home every night but getting home varies. So he use to come home eat, watch on hour or two of tv and be to bed between 8-9pm. Now he will eat and give a bath then sleep or do the clean up while I do the bathroom. Just having him do that little extra helps me a lot. I then work on getting the boy to bed. On weekends he will help out more because he is home. He never did anything with previous job and it took him time to adjust to being home a little more and to help out after I had a few meltdowns on him for not helping lol. So talk to the hubby, it will make you feel better! Though it may piss him off. Good luck

[Ang07]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 9:07 AM A lot of people are in the same boat as you are financially... it's tough right now with the prices of everything going through the roof. Just pay what you can keep everyone happy until tax time. As for your husband snapping at you about going to work, he's feeling stressed and like less of a provider because your having such a hard time with the bills. Men don't talk about there feelings they bottle them and so they come out in different ways. As for him helping around the house, have you tried saying let's put the plastic on the windows. Instead of telling him to do it make it a team effort. As for holding your daughter instead of decorating the tree, he may just have wanted to enjoy your daughter. My husband didn't get into the whole tree decorating until the kids were old enough to help with it. This may be the same case with your husband. As for you my dear, you need a BREAK!! You are so wound and wound so tight I can tell your ready to snap at any second. Take a day find a sitter and do something for you!! which doesn't mean clean the house or take a nap. Go out to lunch with friends or something. We as moms take on everything and we all need to learn that some "me" time is ok. Take a deep breath and don't forget to exhale. Call up one of your girl friends call a sitter and enjoy an afternoon!! Good luck and keep your chin up things will get better! =)

[mybabies2970]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 10:11 AM Things will work out, I think sometimes i stay in the same situation. God dont give us anything we cant handle. As far as him i would just tell him, how you feel unstead of holding it in . good luck

[nightlily]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 10:25 AM

The holidays are tough, will all of the extra demands on "quality" family time and spending on christmas. Maybe DH is upset that he can't provide the christmas he'd like to for your family.... I know the pressure is hard on you, but it's probably hard on him, too. When I get like this... (and I do, plenty) I often have to have an afternoon to myself (have another mom babysit..) and then talk over my FEELINGS with my husband. If I blow up on him, it only makes things worse... so telling him "I feel like..." and "What can we do to fix this...." works, instead of screaming at him (which is what I'd really like to do.. ;) ).  Also, maybe set up a date night for when he is home, arrange a sitter for a few hours and find some time to just relax with him, no holiday pressure or "talks" to be had. It's so hard to find time for a marriage when DH is gone alot and you have a baby.

Good luck to you! It will get better if you work at it slowly. I've been in your shoes, and probably will be again someday, so know that it isn't for forever. It just feels that way.

 

 

[rdsword]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 10:30 AM I am in the same boat as you dear except I can't get DH to go back on the road so our bills are sky high and the account is below Zero!! We have no way to do Christmas and I can't get him to do anything around the house!! And its falling apart!! Just hang in there it gets better. Hugs and know you are not alone.

[thedramaqueen]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 10:44 AM You really need to talk more to him, any way you can....I already started filming my doc and one husband works at boeing, works part-time at another job, and is finishing his masters.  He is the one that cleans the house and takes care of the kids a lot.  I know it is true because he has done it for years.  I am also in the same situation as you.  I am worse financially but you have to make him see that you are in the boat with him and it is as hard on you.  It is not all about him.  YOu are supposed to be a partnership.  Stop doing all the work.  He will never help if you do it for him......

[mackeydoodles]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 11:00 AM Oh girl you are soooo not alone!!  My dh helps around the house but his job keeps him from doing as much as he should.  It is tough nowadays, I think everyone is struggling.  Just hang in there and definitely talk to him about how you are feeling.  Sometimes I think men just don't see the signs...maybe sit down and talk and see if a "Honey Do List" helps him stay on track?

[velvetfrog]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 2:16 PM

I gave up on the "decorating the tree together" thing a long time ago! My hubby usually is very helpful but like most guys, he sees it as a chick thing. And some see it as work, not fun. Just let it go! Find other holiday stuff to do as a family like driving around looking at lights. My hubby  actually likes to do that one because he feels some control being behind the wheel. As far as the work around the house, start playing the same game he is! If taking care of the kids and laundry and stuff like that is the woman's job, don't do a single dang repair around the house if he is home or if it can wait for him to get home! Pretend you have no clue how to do it! It's "man's" work. If that doesn't work, tell him you don't have time with all your other jobs around the house that he certainly won't do. But all that being said, I firmly believe you catch more flys with sugar or however that saying goes. In other words, try being nice first. Just say, "Honey... I really need you to get that plastic up. I'm trying not to use the heater too much to keep the bills down but it's really hard to keep the baby warm enough without the windows being covered..."

I dunno... maybe he's not the type to respond to requests... but it's worth a try.

[5angels2748]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 7:02 PM I know exactly what you mean. It does get old. My husband pulls the same crap about you go to work and I will stay home. Well if your going tobe home for 8 days then help me. I understand. I babysit for one of our friends to make a ittle extra but nothing I ever do seems to be good enough. I have 5 kids from 16-3 and it gets tough cause it is always something and I want to pull my hair out half the time. One dy when he is home tell him you need a break and go out by yourself for awhile. it helps. Take a walk, I know the money is tight but try to go get a bit by yourself. It don't happen enough for us moms and I think we need to try and have at least one day a month to ourselves. Take care I'm here if you need to talk.

[mybratsmom]

Dec. 14, 2007 at 10:05 PM

Ay, woman, as you can see, so many of us are in the same boat.  I get so frustrated that I lock myself in the bathroom with the shower running and my walkman on so that I can't hear the kids banging on the door too loudly.  What do you do though, you know?  I work a full-time job though, and I absolutely hate it because of EVERYTHING. But we got bills, too, and it seems like no matter what I do, we are always in debt.  I do a couple of things to make pennies (literally) but, the frustration is still there. 

 

Hope things get a little easier for you soon.