Why xmas sucks!

[pkendall]

On xmas day 2001, my then hubby decided it was appropriate to announce he had a girlfriend. ( A pregnant one) Thus, he had to be removed from the family...... duh! Not the first time he cheated but, for the mental health of myself and my children, he had to go. I had let him back into our lives once before and it was a huge mistake. I was almost through with the divorce at that time. All that was left was to go to the court date and sign the papers. He had put me on a guilt trip with a couple serious suicide attempts so I took him back. I know, I was stupid but, he was the father of my kids. He has mental issues and can't figure out how to keep his pants zipped. He was diagnosed bipolar/ocd and wouldn't take his meds. He also drank and this wasn't allowed in my home. He constantly criticised myself and the children for not living up to his ideals yet, he lived what ever lifestyle he chose at the moment since he worked out of town during the week and stayed in a company provided apartment. 

Since all of this happening on xmas day, my kids feel xmas is ruined for them. They were only in 3rd and 4th grade at the time. We didn't fight in front of them. I made him leave after they went to bed. He didn't want to stay and has no contact with the kids by his choice. He was near having his rights terminated due to inappropriate conduct anyway. They also stated to the court that they don't want to see him again after the last visit....... lets just say it involved handcuffs and duct tape. Xmas is so incredibly hard on them now. We do celebrate on xmas eve instead. They don't want gifts anymore. They just don't get excited about it anymore. My son won't come out of his room hardly at all on xmas day unless my brother is here. The first couple years, he had a major meltdown on xmas day..... crying and locked himself in his room. My daughter just sits and draws....... her own form of therapy. I have tried to do things to make the holidays special. It takes their minds off it for a while but, somehow, they always seem to come back to it. This year, I have a big movie fest planned for them...... making homemade pizza, rented lots of movies and such....

Any ideas????

[faith506]

Dec. 24, 2007 at 4:47 PM Your a good mother by being strong for them.  On this day, maybe celebrate by having everyone pick a place to volunteer at, like a local shelter or orphanage. The Pet Project or your local animal shelter's even need help, but you may end up with bring one home.   It may be a different way of seeing how to get threw this difficult time by doing something positive.  Good luck!

[House_Alma]

Dec. 24, 2007 at 4:49 PM

Wow.  That's really heartbreaking.  When I was a kid my parents were separated, and to this day I still have memories of decorating the tree all by myself at 1 a.m. and wrapping gifts because my mom was too depressed and my dad was not there. 

If they are really not into Christmas, maybe focus on the New Year?  Make special calendars as a family craft, use pictures, quotes, pictures of their favorite bands, movies, books, etc.  Maybe if the focus is looking toward the future, it will take some of the weight off of the past.  I don't know a whole lot about Chinese New Year, but my uncle practices it and his family gets new toothbrushes, pajamas, shoes, etc. as a way of ushering in the New Year and welcoming all the good luck to come.  Maybe this could be a way to incorporate gifts so they are not necessarily Christmas gifts.

I'm sorry that Christmas was so traumatizing.  It is wonderful that your daughter draws. 

P.S.  Your kitty is BEYOND cute!

[NewBeginninging]

Dec. 24, 2007 at 5:01 PM

Sounds as you say that everyone handles these holidays and the stress of them in their own ways.  Would it be possible to have an "away vacation" at this time of year?  I know that some people wait until the summertime for vacations but maybe yours can be Christmas instead.  Just a thought.  I know what it is like to try and put on the "Santa face" for your children when the dad has left yet they will remember your strength.  Good luck and may God bless you and yours!

 

                                                                      

[lyonmama]

Dec. 24, 2007 at 7:47 PM Start a new tradition and let them decide what it is!

[babybunnyfufu]

Dec. 24, 2007 at 11:17 PM I also like the idea of having them volunteer.

[peacefulkids]

Dec. 25, 2007 at 1:58 PM

Sounds like he needs to cool off and get a life of his own.  You don't need to live up to anyone's ideals only your own.   

Men do not RULE a woman or their KIDS.  We all learn from everything in life.  It is just a learning experience no one needs.  But for some reason we get. 

God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and yours.