So here we are, it is the end of December.  I cannot believe my little Tayla is two months old.  It kind of makes me that nuts?  To be sad about her getting older?  I guess the real reason is because I know I have to go back to work next month.  I wish that I had the option to stay home with her.  I feel like I am going to miss so much of her.  Her learning and changing.  What if she changes so fast, and I miss seeing her reach milestones.  Who would have thought this would be so taxing.  I also wonder if she will like her day care lady, or not.  I hope that she will light up when I come for her, I am just so scared to not see her for hours on end.  I have not left her but for maybe a 10 minute trip to the store, and then she was with my husband.  I also am dreading giving her bottles, or other people giving her bottles.  I will feel like, hey that isn't right, I should be breast feeding her...Then I wonder if she will prefere the bottle over me.  That will devastate me.  Tomorrow is the day we start bottles.  I have to be strong and hack it because I don't want it to be any harder on her.  Can you imagine not teaching your baby to use a bottle before she has to?  Talk about too much change all at once, new environment, no mommy around and this fake nipple, what the hell!!!  I guess this is all part of the postpartum hormones too but oh my am I scared about the whole thing.  One step at a time, and I have to have faith that it will all be okay.  It will be, I just am scared.

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Jan. 11, 2008 at 5:43 PM I totally know what you are going through.  My daughter is 16 months now but I had to go back to work when she was 9 weeks and it was one of the hardest days of my life.  I hadn't left her at all up until that point.  I feld naked without her if that makes sense.  It does get easier though I promise.  I still hate having to leave her it's hard.  I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but that's just not possible so off to work I go.  I think it's perfectly normal to feel sad that she is getting older time just goes by soo fast.  I'm sure she will adjust to the person taking care of her.  I saw that you are breastfeeding.  Are you planning to contine that after  you go back to work?  I think that is one of the best things at the end of the day to be able to come home and nurse your little one.  I am still breastfeeding my daughter and enjoy that closeness at the end of the work day.  I also know what you mean not wanting to bottle feed I mean we were given breast so we could breastfeed right!  Anyways good luck to you and sorry you have to leave and go to work.  If theres anything I can do let me know. 

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