What is wrong with me?

[CathieJ7]

Could it just be the depression?  I've had such a horrible rollercoaster of emotions in the last month.  I went off my antidepressants in October.  I tried this last year and all I did was sleep.  Well, I'm not sleeping this time around.  I'm balling my eyes out.  I am trying an herbal suppliment for the tyroid and adrenal systems.  I've been onit a week now.  I guess it's helping a little.  I don't feel like I'm going to cry all the time, just some of the time. 

I went out last night with a friend.  We had a great time, but I get myself into an embarrassing situation, which I won't go into here either.  I just feel really stupid.  My memory is horrible and it seems to show too much.  Either way, I just feel so stuipd.  When I hang out with anyone or try to have a conversation with someone, I always feel like I just don't "get it".  I know God created me, He loves me for who I am.  I know He made no mistakes with me, but I make mistakes with my decisions.  These decisions always seem to creep up to kick me in the butt.

I ramble on and on, things go thru my head for a second or two and that's it.  Then it's something new.  I can't stay focused.  Today I want to curl up in a little ball and hide away from the world.  My family is so weird.  Right now (1:40pm) both my teenagers are sleeping, my son is next door playing with a friend, Will's up onthe bedroom playing on the XBOX 360 and I'm here blogging.  I have things I should do, like cleaning, but don't want to do them. 

Well, either way, I still feel like I'm stupid.  I always have.  I never went to college, went right into a full time job.  Here I am 20yrs later wondering "what if"......  Doesn't matter what you put after that.  I would like to feel better about myself soon.  I would like to not have this weeping feeling all day long.

 

[scoobystone1]

Jan. 5, 2008 at 2:46 PM did you go off with your doctors help if not it was very foolish and dangerous. you should contact your doctor asap

[mialejandra]

Jan. 5, 2008 at 2:47 PM Iam very sorry to hear that your feeling down and out. I know the feeling all to well. Im in the same boat you see. Depresion is a very hard thing to deal with. Im hear for ya.

[CathieJ7]

Jan. 5, 2008 at 2:52 PM Yes I consulted my doctor before I went off.  I have been dealing with manic depression since I was a young teen (13 or 14)!  I'm still functioning, if I stop functioning I'll be back on them.

(Original Poster)

[Chelle72_momof3]

Jan. 5, 2008 at 2:56 PM

Cathie,

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.  I said a prayer for you before I posted....and I just want you to know that I have a feeling that God uses you in ways that you may feel are insignificant.....you may not even realize He is using you....but He is.  And one day you will see what an important part you played in other people's lives.  You seem to have a sweet and gentle spirit....and I don't even know you. 

 God Bless you and I will continue to pray for you as God lays you on my heart.~Michelle

[plstrm]

Jan. 5, 2008 at 5:43 PM I'm sorry you feel this way. I know it's not easy nothing really is if it was it wouldn't be life. My grandmother used to tell me and that nothing is ever fair. Like I told you before, I am always there for you and it is only a phone call just like I'm sure with other friends. We are always there for you and I hope this will be your reminder that no one should ever feel stupid because we all just do our best in life and that is the only thing you can do. If you don't feel that you've done your best then try to change what you can. I think I know you pretty well and from that I can honestly say that you of all people are not stupid at all in fact I think you are smarter than some people I know who went to college.