-
Taken From Birthmom Buds - Questions to Ask Yourself when Considering Adoption
- Jan 6, 2008 at 10:00 AM
- By
- Comments (4) Total Views (990) Everyone can see this journal post.
I found this list on the Pregnant and Considering Adoption section of the Birthmom Buds website. Thought it might be helpful to someone thinking through their options. If anyone is interested in learning more about Birthmom Buds - the link is in the links section of my cafemom profile.
1. Are you ready to raise a child?
This is probably the most important question of all. Do you feel that you have the life experience and knowledge, and discipline to lovingly raise and teach a child in everything that is required? Can you deal with exasperation and frustration on a continual basis without taking it out on the child? Do you feel that you are ready to be a parent for the rest of your life, every single day and minute and hour?
2. How much time will you have to devote to this child?
Do you go to college? To school? To work? Who will take of the child in the meantime, and if you have to pay them how are you going to afford it? How much time would you actually be able to spend with them?
3. Where will my child grow up?
Do you live in a nice neighborhood? Are there good schools? Are there other children around and a place for them to play? Would you want your child to play with those children? Where would the child stay in your apartment or house? Is it safe? Is there a park or yard for them to run around in? What animals do you have?
4. What environment will my child be raised in?
This has more to do with the other people staying in the same house and whether they would be a good influence.
5. Who will help you raise this child?
Do you have anyone willing to support you mentally, emotionally, physically, financially? Do you have a good network of family and friends that are willing to help you? Is the child's father involved?
6. Will this child have two parents?
This is debatable but if you feel that it requires 2 people to raise a child, then this is something to consider.
7. Other children (if you have them)
Will parenting this child deprive your other children of necessities?
8. Finances
Can you afford to raise this child? There is WIC, and many other programs for single mothers, etc. Look at them and the requirements. Do you want to use them? Would it be enough? What would you have to do?
9. Culture and identity
If you come from a specific culture or ethnological heritage, it may be more difficult to find an adoptive family with the same cultural heritage, etc. or who is willing to bring the child up with awareness of their background and history.
10. Pros and Cons -
Writing a list of the pros and cons for placing can be very helpful. But, also write a list of pros and cons for parenting - Then compare the 2. Sometimes it helps to get things in writing on paper.
What NOT to consider:
1.Being threatened
If your boyfriend or husband threatens to leave you if you keep the child, do not factor that into your decision. First of all, I don’t think they really care about you if they ask you such a decision. Secondly, if you break up with them later you will live with that decision for the rest of your life.
2. Opinions
Your support group (friends, family, what have you) will probably have very definite ideas of what you should or shouldn’t do. This needs to be your decision because your baby and you will live with it for the rest of your lives.
Comments:
I fascinated by the birthmom buds website. Did you read this? Questions to ask PAPs. Check questions 8, 9 and 10. There own?? Not only is there a spelling mistake, it's so not respectful adoption language LOL And what's with the animals? HAHA Can you imagine......I'm not going to raise my baby because I don't have a dog and I'm not going to chose this otherwise great couple for the same reason. Funny!
I happen to know and respect one of the founders of Birth Mom Buds, but we do not always see eye to eye on many issues. These questions are a perfect example. They are quite similar to many of the exercises/questions that adoption agencies offer, including the pros and cons list, which many of us do not see as helpful in helping a woman make her decision. On paper, adoption will nearly always appear to be a better choice than parenting.
The CUB booklet written by Heather Lowe, is a much more effective way to assist a woman in considering her options. It acknowledges that adoption is sometimes the best option, but realistically addresses real issues that adoption agencies (and others) often ignore.
Although I hesitated to post this, I believe that your heart is in the right place and that you honestly want women considering their options to educate themselves. It is in that spirit that I posted. I do appreciate your efforts - here - and in other posts.
Group Owner - Pregnant and Considering Options
http://www.cafemom.com/group/26942
Got one of these? (jk)
Already a member? Click here to log in
I honestly have to say I'm surprised that this was written by birth moms.
A#1 You don't need to be ready to parent to be a good one.
A#2 Parenting does not stop you from further education or working (I have done and do both while raising twins).
A#3 This whole question seems to imply that if you are in the wrong social economic background you shouldn't have children and you should give your baby to a more worthy well off couple. What's to say that this well off couple will always have the same income or be a couple? Who's to say that being raised in a "nice" neiborhood produces better people than a poor one. Some of the greats have come from ghettos. Animals??? what?!?!
A#4 A good point but, you probably won't be living there forever.
A#5. True. It takes a village. Although if her parents want her to adopt out often they soften when they see the baby and realise this is their grandchild.
A#6 Ah, yes debatable, but even if she says "yes I want my baby to have a dad" there are no guarantees that aparents wont divorce and there is a good chance that she will find a mate of her own.
A#7 good question. Yet sad that in one of the riches countries in the world it is even asked.
A#8 Again. Probably a temporary situation.
A#9 Agreed.
I think that this article entitled "What you should know if your considering adoption for your baby" is better. http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf check it out.
- onethentwins
Message Friend Invite