I know many ASD mom's will disagree with me,but...

[ZsMommy]

I honestly don't get bugged out when (though rarely -so far-in our own personal experience) people say "Oh...your child doesn't look (Insert "Like they have autism" "autistic" or "there's something wrong")

Why don't I get bugged out??? Cuz I EXPECT ignorance...also I understand that people are still new to autism and when they say "Oh your child doesn't look"-they mean it as being familiar with Downes children,or children with mental retardation where there are VISIBLE facial characteristics. Other than mom's of ASD kids who recognize "the look" (that distant,far away,deep in thought "LOOK" in their eyes) there are no other visible,physical characteristic.

So I expect this...Actually I usually finish their sentence for them with "Yes,I know she doesn't "look" autistic..there's no physical characteristic of autism..." And then if they're interested (and in my case,most am-maybe I'm just easy to talk to-maybe I make people feel comfortable,maybe cuz I'm NOT on the defense 24/7) I'll try to explain more. Some get...Some don't. Sometimes it clicks,and sometimes I see I've gone over their heads,but in any case for a moment these people have become one step closer to LEARNING about Autism.

So when I read so many mom's replies jumping on the "Ignorant/Stupid" people for saying such a thing...I shrug...People are people. Better to try to teach them then get mad and defensive at them.

I know many mom's will disagree. That's fine. I'm just saying my life as an ASD mom will not be lived constantly on the defense and being upset by the lack of knowledge of others.Maybe I was given this child to help EDUCATE others..I don't know...But that's how I choose to live my life as an ASD mom.

[lipstickclouds]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 5:18 AM Yeah, I hear you. It doesn't really bother me, because I have heard so much worse, if the only ignorant thing people ever said about Coby was " he doesn't look autistic", it would be a pretty easy life. It's a ridiculous thing to say, because as you said, autism doesn't "look" like anything, but usually I just say " right, every kid looks different", then I mention the other things, much more significant than looks, that Coby has to work hard to overcome every day, and hope that they will appreciate that there is much more to any disability or person than you see on the outside. Good journal Diva ;)

[graceandlilly]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 5:55 AM

[psumom5]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 7:55 AM Here! HEre! Great post!

[plomboy]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 8:19 AM

 

 I understand what you are saying, and i usually ignore them or try to be pleasant, but it is the whispering or the blatant talking about him that gets to me. I mean I have had people actually come up to me and ask me if I can "keep that kid quiet, he's bothering people" or when I we were in WalMart one day the lady at the snack bar in MT., asked us to keep him quiet because he was "annoying my customers". That i swhen , I am Sorry,  I am no longer  pleasant. I wish everybody would just "get it" already.

But like I said, I get your post and for the most part I just ignore the looks and I try to be pleasant. And then I go home and scream into my pillow.

[Mom2PunkRockers]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 9:13 AM

I normally just say "oh thats because Autism doesent have any specific characteristics that affects a childs features, or appearance, they look like everyone else." Well ok, thats my response when i am in a good mood LOL, when I am not in a good one my answer is " Autsitic kids look just like anyone else , except they dont look like you cause you look like an idiiot."  Honestly I have had to use the nasty answer only once or twice, usually people are asking because they want to know and want to be educated, so I am normally very nice about it.

[ZaMaJoMom]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 11:12 AM

I feel the same way...I EXPECT ignorance!  Autism is still new and different in our generation, and completely misunderstood in the generations before us.  Now, in 10 years, I may not be so nice, because there will be more awareness.  But, I love to teach, so I almost enjoy when people say something ignorant, then I get to talk and advocate...2 of my fave things!

There are times to teach and times to get nasty, the former outnumber the latter, and I usually know the difference and can handle either situation.  (I admit I've been tempted to use: "And you don't look ignorant, but....")

I also don't live my life on the defensive.  The actual challenges are enough to deal with; I don't need more drama!  Thanks for being courageous enough to write this, hon.

[Wendeeo]

Jan. 9, 2008 at 12:11 PM

Heidi, Why do you have to be so friggin'  insensitive??? KIDDING.

Giving YOU the look now!

[PresidentCross]

Jan. 14, 2008 at 10:58 PM

I hear ya!  I'm open minded to the fact that it's a huge world out there and while Autism is affecting 1 out of 150, there's still the other 149 that it isn't affecting.  Therefore there are still a lot of people who don't know much about Autism.  I know of cancer and I have heard how cancer may be treated, but I haven't personally known anyone with cancer.  I haven't seen how it has directly affected someone.  Same with Aids.  Same with Down Syndrome.  I could go on and on.  I just don't take offense when someone don't know about Autism.  And like you, if given the opportunity, I will educate those who are eager to learn a little about it.   

[creolegirl1222]

Jan. 29, 2008 at 7:15 PM great post!!

[mutts914]

Feb. 6, 2008 at 1:20 PM i have to say that this was a great post. i agree with you completely. most people don't honestly know about autism other than rainman  and that isn't their fault . so why get so defensive? someone said that to me this morning. it's not offensive, it's just the first reply most people come up with. GOOD for you for saying how you feel even though you know it won't sit well with the autism mommas