A Cup Of Anxiety Anyone?

[daze0san]

 When I was younger I was diagnosed with social anxiety and manic depression. I was on 7 different medications for it at the age of 12 but never really felt like I needed it. The insurance was there for me to use and other than asthma and my back problems I knew that I was okay.

 After I had my daughter I lost my insurance. I had post pardum depression and couldn't even go to my 6 week check up because I couldn't afford it.

 After the first month everything started to feel normal and being a mother has been wonderful for my Daughter and I.  But, around the middle of the third month - beginning of the fourth month I started to realize that I just don't feel right.

 When I first noticed it coming up was when I got a serious kidney infect along with a bladder infection and UTI. I had a temperature of 105 when I finally decided to go to the hospital after 5 nights of horrible pain and sickness. While I was waiting for test results to come back the doctor made an off-handed mention of a much more serious condition then left the room and never came back not even once to say anything to me about what was wrong with me. They had a nurse come and release me with prescriptions.

 I left and got my prescriptions for full price since I didn't have insurance. I started taking the meds. asap and noticed that one of them was making me feel extremely off. I researched it and saw that it was a medication that had been taken off the market for 2 years and was known and admitted to cause permanent nuerological damage. I stopped taking them against everyone's advice because I already had mild nerve damage and knew it could make it worse and it did and that's how the anxiety got off the ground... 

 It started off as just mild anxiety attacks that would go on for a couple days and I wouldn't have any problems for a couple weeks. In november it started to get more and more severe. I started not being able to sleep at night and the attacks were going on for 4 to 5 days at a time. Along with the more extended attacks I had started getting symptoms. 

 All this was only occuring at night.  The symptoms I was having were awful but nothing compared to what I am going through now. 

I've been having this overwhelming fear that I am going to die. Now instead of having problems with horrible symptoms just at night, I am now having them during the day as well and this attack has been going on two weeks now.

I have awful pain all over my body, constant chest pains and tingling all over, all the time. I've been having muscle twitches in my face and this strange coldness on small parts of my legs and torso. The abdominal pain has been very uncomfortable as well.

It scares me more than anything that something serious could really be wrong with me and I have no way of finding out because I have no money and no insurance. I already have tons of medical and dental bills. I've been refused time and time again for insurance and have no idea what to do at this point. It's affecting who I am as a person, friend, girlfriend and mother. I just want help and have no idea what to do anymore.

 Ugh, it feels kind of good to get that off my chest, I've been hiding it from everyone except my dad and my boyfriend because I'm afraid that no one will understand and that everyone will think I am just paraniod. So, this was not, just to say it and get it out.

 

Goodnight.