friends or not

[momofbp]

I guess I am just feeling full of myself...LOL have you every had a friend that you have been close to , that you talk every day ,Your kids are best friends and like the same things , they go to the same school as well? well I have one that I love dearly but sense I moved my son to  another school I feel like she has been pushing me away...err We uses to talk almost every other day and made plans for the kids to play, we went to eat lunch together a few time a month but now she doesn't call me and when I call her she will talk a few min and then say is needs to go. She works with her mother in a home office and more less makes her own hours so i know that sometimes she can't talk long but I just do'nt feel that is the case here. Our kids does TaeKwonDo together and we talk there still but its not like it was before I moved BP . All we talk about is TKD and how the boys are doing. We have other long time friends at TKD that now are going at a different time that we use to go and have dinner with or have a drink with when kids was out doing things together. You know just the girls...LOL well know just the girls go out with out me and when they talk about it , its like oh now she heard us , should we ask her to go.....so they do but only because I heard them. when I ask why they did'nt let me know before then , they just say it was last min...But I know by the way they was talking that it had been planed b/c they had called other mothers that we use to hang  with that go to the same school as the boys did  but not TKD. I just feel like maybe I'm not good enough now that my son doesn't got to the privite school to be invite to hang with the girls when I am asked last min to do something and they look at each other as if oh no. I know I know I sound childish , but I can never keep any good friends , I just do'nt understand why I always get pushed to the back when someone else may come along that has more money , better school or what ever the case may be . Is it my looks , do I smell , have I said or done something to make you think I can be thrown away like a piece of trash...LOL or is it just all in my head because someone else is more important at this time than me . WHO KNOWS ! But I can remember this always happened when I was in high school and I do'nt know why I am not use to the whole thng .... I just do'nt want my son to grow up and have very little friends and feel left out with the ones that he does have . Or even wear his hear on his sleeve like I do . Friends and family alone with good deeds makes you whole ( we That's what my family always said ) LOL I wounder if I just am feeling sorry for myself because I have not worked in a year now and really need to talk to grown ups more that I do .. my hubby is really not one that I can talk to b/c he doesent  like to talk about girly things ( he is all boy ) if you want to talk about something that goes fast then he is all for it , but about shopping or anything like that he is quick to move on .  well venting is really making me feel better , so thanks moms and I will leave the rest for later..LOL

[Dani41780]

Jan. 29, 2008 at 2:52 AM

I so totally feel you.. I'm so sorry that they make you feel that way.. *HUGS*

If you and I lived close to each other I know we would hang out.

 

[TayZackJD]

Jan. 29, 2008 at 1:19 PM

I'd talk to her about it.  Maybe she got some weird impression of why you changed your son's school?

 I know my in laws got very put off when my ex boss switched his son's hockey team, even though the choice had NOTHING to do with my in laws (In laws and ex boss were best friends)  Anyway, it caused a lot of strain, which had I not been in the middle of it telling the both to stop overreacting they may never have come back together.  Now it's like nothing happened.

 If you don't feel comfy talking to your friend, is there someone who can mediate for you?

[momofbp]

Jan. 29, 2008 at 1:36 PM well, I was not going to talk to her , but I may b/c maybe I said something. I just do'nt know...LOL You know if I lose a friend I will  it will be ok in a few days but I know how my son feels about his best friend and I can see it on his face when he ask why we can't see them. So he why I will be talk ing to her about it , I just do not know how to talk about something like this. and I have no one that I feel that can step back and mediate... they are the girls and I do'nt want to over step with them

(Original Poster)

[tkdmom35]

Jan. 30, 2008 at 3:07 AM

You know, I had this friend I had known since we were in highschool.  I moved away and I promised her that one day I would move back to Tulsa.  And I fulfilled my promise back in 96 and moved back to Tulsa.  We became best friends, inseperable, always talking on the phone and hanging out.  I think her husband was always jealous and took it out on me and always put me down.  He was horrible to her and always putting her down because she was a big girl and always comparing her to the skinny girls.  I stood by her through thick and thin.

She and her husband bought a house in Jenks, a small town just across the Arkansas river and quickly becoming a trendy place to live.  I live just a few miles away and my kids do attend the Jenks School System, one of Oklahoma's top public schools.  We cannot afford a house in the school district and we live in a nice apartment.  We want every chance for our children to have the best education.  I can't afford private school and this was the next best thing.

Over the years I began noticing changes.  Our friendship slowly became a competition, or so it felt to me.  Things that seem dumb now, but  for example I got a cell phone before she did and she got mad about it.  It was like how dare I get a stupid cell phone (back in 98) before she did.  And then her husband became a licensed electrician and made more than our family.  And for years she refused to work.  She always told me that she was going to keep trading her car and getting a new car.  She started getting credit cards and maxing them out.  It was like her boys would hit the jackpot at Christmas.  I noticed the attitude still changing.

Well, after maxing out 3 major credit cards, Circut City and Best Buy,she had to get a job to pay off her debts.  Let me back up to my story about the Jenks School System.  I am a low to lower middle income trying to mix in a crowd with wealthy families...you see where I am getting at?  I am invisible when I go to the school.  If I talk to another mother, I become invisible because they don't even act like they see me.  Well, this friend started working within this school system.  All of a sudden life became about what she was going to buy, and had to have the latest gadgets, fancy bred dogs, cars, etc.   Although if you looked at her, she didn't dress or have the latest haircuts.  She got a hysterectomy and it seemed like she was never the same since.  She would get angry about something and get on this soapbox and God help you if you disagreed and send these mass emails.  Stuff even to the point of every Islamic person was evil an would indoctrinate our children.  I mean rediculous stuff.  And it would anger her that I had Islamic friends.  We once ended our friendship over something stupid and I should have walked away and never looked back.  But she begged me to forgive her and I did.  But I could never shake the feeling that I was "the pity friend."  The person that you feel sorry because  you think you are better than yourself.  That' s the only way I can describe it.

Well...this person discovered Myspace.  And I do and still do have a page on myspace.  She would post her rants on myspace.  And one day she posted something that SHE KNEW had to go against every fiber of my being.  I am a Christian and I am a former pastor's kid and my parents are also former missionaries to Africa.  I will not push my beliefs on someone.  But she posted her opinion about a movie that came out in December that went against my beliefs and called all those who opposed her "right wing Christians with their heads stuck up their asses."  Well, I posted my response to her bulletin.  I was not cruel, I did not attack her, I just stated why me and my children would not be attending and made my point a, b and c against her a, b and c.  My beliefs were no mystery to her.  So why make this being stink about posting something you know is going to go against your supposedly best friend?  which by the way she had long since stopped being my best freind but a friend none the less.

She posted this blog about how her suppposed best friend attacked her out of nowhere.  And what could God think of someone who spends more time with her tae kwon do instructor than her own husband. That was the tip of the iceburg of what she said about me.  I am thinking, okay, i spend 8-9 classes a week for three months to prepare my son for his black belt test.  My husband works 60 hours a week.  I see him 30 minutes or so a day.  Yes, I do have a friendship with the teacher, but he is 61 years old.  My dad's age.   Yes, I occasionally go to lunch or a movie with him...with my kids or my mother present.  I was so embarrassed with the things she posted about me. She blocked me off of her space, and it was humiliating.  I am 36 year old woman having issues on myspce which should be a highschool issue.  I was hurt.  But I never retaliated on myspace.  She is welcome to read anything I have to say.  I can't say the same for her anymore because she can still be poisoning the world about me and I can't read a word she writes.  I admit that I do try to look at her space on occasion, but my attempts are few and farther between.

Well, sorry to ramble on. You will find that I do that.  I have pretty much put it behind me as much as I can.  I do have to admit I feel free.  I don't have to put up with her changing moods and rants and raves.  She never could let me have my own opinions.  Well, either by now you think I am a crazy woman or sane, I don't know.  But I am telling you this story to tell you this.  Dont be somebody's "pity friend."  There is nothing wrong wtih you.  I have enjoyed meeting you and you need to keep your head up.  There is a season to everything, and every friendship has a season.  Some friends are meant to be your friends for life and some friends come into your life for a reason and when that season comes to an end it is so hard to let that go.  But when you try to force things to be the way they once were, things become strained and it will never be the same.  Maybe you should talk to your friend about how you feel.  Maybe it might be time to let her go.  Cut it off and let her be.  Maybe going to a different tkd studio might help.  And though I am still a stranger on cafemom....I am here if you need me.  I wish I had taken that very advice when my boss saw what I was going through.  If only I had heeded her advice and cut the ties then.  I wouldn't feel like I have this shroud of shame over my head.

Your friend,

Christy