I bit the bullet

[Turnipstar]

I just went to the doctor to talk about my eating habits and why I keep binging, Iam so unhappy I walked in and burst into tears, I just want to be happy again like I used to be, she asked questions about the babies, If I was Tired or bored then she asked about my relationship and home life, I answered as honestly as I could  but felt alittle thrown by the question I thought I was happy with my relationship, but then she said how much support do you get from your partner (he has been away for 2 weeks with the TA'S - Army reserves)  and works long hours and I suppose I just realised what I have been avoiding... that Iam am unhappy being here with Tom, I love him sure but I dont know if Iam IN love with him, I feel worthless and unimportant at the moment,He has been so busy for so long I have forgotten about the real TOM and what made us fall in love in the first place.

He cant do right for doing wrong as he has been working EXTRA long hours and trying to keep the family going financially and I seem to just be cold and grumpy, Because I am desperate for his attention I just want a cuddle (not the kind he wants at stupid o'clock in the morning when I have finally got the baby to sleep... then he wakes me up wanting some lovin'!!!)

It must be effecting him too, I dont want him to feel rejected, It is nothing he has done directly.I dont want to leave him but I feel so unhappy here, My family are about 200miles away and I thought it would get easier the longer I was away but it gets harder and harder all the time, I dont drive either so Iam stuck in the middle of nowhere with 2 kids, this is all mainly my fault and I dont expect people to feel sorry for me, I know I should be grateful for a SO who works and wants to be a happy family, he seems to think he can buy my happiness but all I want is for him to be around abit more.

I need to be motivated and try new things I really need to start driving then I would not feel so bad about living such a long way from my Family, but He was made redundant 2 days ago so I cant ask to book my test etc now, he is starting up on his own as of today so all our money has gone on a new van and insurence etc, as Iam  SAHM and I just dont have the money at the moment and I dont want to add any more pressure to him right now. 

So My doctor was as much use as a chocolate kettle... 

I suppose I better focus on what I do have not what I dont ...I dont have any patience for people whinging about their situations, Iam the only one who can change it so I better get off my sorry ass and do something constructive!

10 points for reading this far! 

[sassafrass101]

Jan. 30, 2008 at 2:39 PM

Girl, you can get through this.  Men don't understand when it comes the affectionate side of the love.  They think it's sex and support.  NOT!!!  My husband is not in the reserves or anything like that but there are times I just have to tell him how I feel.  And I find out HE CAN'T READ MY MIND!!!  Imagine that!!!!  Sometimes it takes a downfall to get to the other side of the mountain.  I hope this helps and I hope it gets better for you!!!  It will!

Allison

[BoyOHBoy]

Feb. 1, 2008 at 6:33 PM

i think it is so good that you went & poured it all out to your dr. - i am sure that is the first step in the right direction. men think that sex is affection and that putting a roof over one's head is support. believe me, my husband & i have ongoing conversations about this. they just don't get it.  you have to tell them how you are feeling & make it clear, but as calmly as possible bc the minute you get worked up or tear up they just tune ya right out!! lol!! allison had it right, although we can read THEIR minds, they cannot read ours!!