Hi there !!! Just wanted to let everyone know that we finally made a breakthrough with our 15 year old daughter (Sarah). This has been a constant struggle with her for a very very long time. Thought I would share the story and encourage others.
Our Daughter (Sarah) is a very strong willed teenager. I tell her to do something and the answer is HELL NO quite literally. She has been going through what the kids call an emo phase (we call it rebellious) for quite sometime. Her grades were awful and she is a freshman in high school. We have been trying to explain to her that her grades are very very important now and that they will affect whether or not she can get into a good college. Of course we thought this was falling on deaf ears so to speak. It's not just her grades it's everything! She wouldn't do her chores, she wore all black or would dress in cos-play costumes and wear them to school. Heck it was sooo bad I quite literally had to force her to take a shower. I know gross. Anyway my hubby (Jamey) and I had had all we could take. We had tried everything grounding didn't work cause she would make deals and then not follow through on her end. Or would not follow the grounding anyways and sneak around doing things she knew she was not allowed to be doing. She would scream and holler at me and call me bad names. I was at my whits end and told my hubby I was throwing my hands up (I QUIT!!!) he was gonna deal with her from now on. When she would come ask me to go do something I would simply tell her I am not making any deals with you, you are grounded, take it up with your dad it's not my problem. That did not go well in her eyes if there was a bad name I was called it. She even went as far as to hit me a couple times. But I just calmly went to my room closed the door and did not talk to her until my hubby came home from work. My hubby did not know what to do with her either he would say I was just blowing it out of proportion and it was not all Sarah's fault. It takes to. Anyway he tried making deals with her because she was doing the same thing with him she had done with me. She would beg and plead to go somewhere even though she was grounded, do it anyway, and then not hold up her end of the deal. Well to make a long story shorter that did not go over so well with him either. so he did the same thing I did said you are grounded no deals. Told her she was grounded until her grades were above a C on her next report card and her chores were done for at least a week straight and she had to have a better attitude no yelling and screaming at us or slamming doors you get the picture. So she could not watch TV, use the phone, no computer time, no video games, no friends over, no going to friends. We told her she did not have time to do her homework or her chores then she certainly did not have time to do any of the things she wanted to do. This did not go well. She was always yelling and screaming we were not being fair and slamming things around.
But finally yest. she went to school wearing a pair of blue jeans and red shirt. I really wasn't to awful concerned about what she wore because she was expressing herself so really never said anything about the way she dressed. Other than when she would come home from school wearing a cos-play costume saying that the kids all made fun of her then we would simply say then maybe you should have wore something else. But when she came home from school was the big surprise !!! She had her report card in hand and looked at me and said MOM I"M SORRY. She brought me too tears. I was crying so hard I couldn't see the numbers on her report card (LOL). She had turned in all her homework this grading period and just by doing that brought her grades from F's to A's and B's. I am so proud of her. I told her I was soooo proud of her and complemented the way she looked also. When her daddy got home I handed him the paper and Sarah stood there like she was gonna be in real trouble and I told him in a stern voice "you are gonna wanna take a look at this". He looked at it and actually cried and told her that we knew she could make good grades but that she had not applied herself.
We continued to have a conversation in which Sarah just went on and on trying to explain to us how sorry she was and that she was going to do much better from now on. The conversation ended with Sarah saying I love you MOM and DAD, I'm sorry, and YOU WERE RIGHT !!! Yes finally Success !!! Needless to say she is not grounded anymore contingent on her grades and attitude. Hope this inspires others that they do come around if you stand firm.