Today my daughter asked me a serious question. 

I am so disappointed in her for asking or maybe for knowing the word, or maybe for being so nosy, or maybe I am embarrassed.  Who knows, but what she asked me was wrong, to me. 

She whispered in my ear, "mommy, after you and daddy got married did you have sex?"

AAAHHHHH!!!  OMG I just about died.  I wanted to dissapear and not have to deal with that, mostly because I didnt know how to respond.  She really caught me off guard.  Oh, did I mention that my daughter is 4 yrs old !!!!!

What do I say to that?  Well I may not have handled it well because I made her go to bed.  Then I went to the bedroom and layed down next to her and asked where she heard that. I asked why she asked me that question.  I asked her if she knew what sex was. 

She said she saw it on a movie.  She said that sex is when 2 people that love each other kiss.  Well I am glad that she thinks that sex is just kissing but she shouldnt even know that word. 

What would you have done differently, cuz I know I didnt handle this well.  I need some suggestions.

Add A Comment


Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:24 AM Just remember the more honest information she learns from you the less she is likely to believe the bullcrap that is out in this world today.  I know she is only 4 but you just remember there are girls that are 11 pregnant and having babies out there so the soon she learns from you the better she understands your take on the subject where you stand on the subject and what is expected of her. Good luck

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:33 AM

Kids are very curious and pick up on a lot of things you never would think they would. You were  right to question her. Just cause they know the word doesn't always mean they know the meaning. Just like your case. Don't react negatively when your surprised or shocked. If you do that now they'll think they can't come to you with questions and about the way they feel later on in life. If you don't know what to say at the time do what you did and have her go brush her teeth or do something while you think about the way you should handle or answer it. Always ask, What do you think? Or what do you think that is? You did right by questioning her. Just remember to assume they don't know and ask what it is that they do before explaining to much that you really don't have to. Good luck and I hope I made a little since!

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:41 AM Just don't act mad at her or irriated with her for asking questions. Or she will quit asking you and ask someone else. You did good asking her what she thought it was, just keep those lines communication open .

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:56 AM well I too would be caught off guard myself. But after you got mad which she was just asking a genuine questions im sure there will be more of these as the time goes by which we are never prepared for. =0 But you did good by asking her questions on it and then tell her in her language barriars that yes you and daddy kiss but its called kissing not sex. And then just let it go by with out any hesitation like it was  a big deal the more she thinks it is a big deal the more she will push for things. The fact that she knew that word sex is kinda alarming becuase she said she sawin a movie what kind of movies does she watch? do you let her watch adult movies all the time. My kids cant watch adult movies of any kind till there age appropiate which will be hard as it goes by. my kids are 3 and 1 1/2 so we have some time i think. But at school she will hear stuf from other children as well.

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:50 AM

Well it is the theme of our generation. TV is always going to beat you to the punch when it comes to issues you'd much rather wait to deal with. I personally don't think it wrong for her to have asked the question at her age. I think I was somewhere around 4 when I first approached my mom with that topic. You'll have no need to get detailed about that topic with her....I think the way you approached it (after you sent her to bed) was the best way. I agree with some of the other comments in that you must always seem open and willing to talk about whatever it is your girls will come to you with. I never felt ashamed or uneasy about talking to my mom about anything (and still don't, within reason) because she always was very calm, cool and collected. There must have been some topics that unnerved her, but she never let it show.

Keep in mind....this is only the beginning of all those 'uncomfortable' questions. Good luck!!


Message Friend Invite

Feb. 4, 2008 at 11:13 AM i dealt with the same thing with my daughter about that same age.. she is 6 now, and knows what sex is, knows how babies come and knows what a period is... i am like crashmonster, i feel the more i tell her, the more she'll know and not have to believe other crap... i just told her the truth.. now if i talk about ethan(my son) being born.. she's all like "yuck mom, shut up that's just gross" lol

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in