my heart is being ripped out. my husband left me 2 weeks ago..i am just so devestated. i can't sleep, i can't eat and i can't concentrate. i am just so upset that after 10yrs together he couldn't come to me and communicate his feelings. he has been calling me every night but he doesn't want to come home. he keeps saying i deserve better. i just don't get it. there is so much to it and i am so sad to type it all today. just say a little prayer. i look at my avatar pic of me and him...i don't see him miserable like he says he has been for 10 yrs... do u see him miserable? gosh i miss him so!!!

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FromAtoZ
Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:44 AM I'm sorry to hear this.  I will keep you close in prayer.  I hope that all works out for the best for both of you.

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SpecialK
Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:53 AM

I am puzzled as to why he left you and yet he phones you every night? He is sending you mixed feelings..I know when my hubby left me after 7 years I was devastated and I went through the exact same feelings/emotions as you..my hubby didn't phone me every night though..

I went on to date someone else...and he hated it!..I became stronger and he saw that...the problem was lack of communication..plain and simple..now? We have been married 20 years and he phones me every day from work and we talk more..so I think the break did some good..made us realise that we still needed each other.

My advice? Tell him to stop phoning you and let you get on with rebuilding your life...see what happens..

Good luck..

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max05
Feb. 1, 2008 at 9:44 AM

Oh Honey, I'm so sorry! I will send you a message.

Love,

Kim 

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prissmom
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:51 PM

About 6 YR  ago my hubby started puling away, staying in the very back of the house on the computer racing online.  The more I reached out to him the later he stayed up to avoid me.  It wasn't smart but I started getting loud trying to MAKE him listen to me and it seemed to him that I was unhappy with him.  Nagging, not happy about anything.  I was so worried and scared I'd do anything to try to get his attention...good or bad.  He complained that I never wanted sex and I told him I wanted to make love.  I am in constant pain so he would use that as an excuse.  I'd say yes and he'd tell me he knew I was in too much pain and too tired.  I didn't say no , he said it for me, then complain.   Since our kids are grown I even went in there and stripped, turned his chair and sat on his lap.  He got mad, pushed me of and sent me to bed.  I cried myself to sleep and around 3:30AM he came to bed pretending to be ready for sex knowing I had taken something to sleep.  It gave him an excuse to complain for days that I wouldn't let him touch me.

I finally convinced him to go to the Dr. for depression.  He came  home with a new med, but was cold as ice to me.  When we were out in public he made a point of holding my hand and kissing me..getting my hopes up.  Only to go home to the same cold man.  Every day he would tell me how much he loved me and insisted we'd be together for ever.  Then when I was deathly ill one night he kissed me goodnight once told me he loved me.....and the next morning this total stranger woke up.  He dressed and told me he wasn't in love with me and hadn't been for a long time and he was leaving as soon as possible.  What the... happened?   I was so sick I had just lost 50 lb in 3 months after another 50 lb loss within the same year.   At times he had slept in the other bedroom partly because of fighting and partly he said because he said I needed rest.

I felt childed to the bone.  I could fell the blood leave my face and I fell.   He called me a drama queen and told me he didn't care.  Thirty (30) YEARS OF MARRIAGE and I was numb.  I cried alot as he left for work and about an hour after.  Then I picked myself up, stripped the other bed and put his clothes BACK in our closet.  I vowed no more fighting or yelling because it hadn't worked and I sat down to think and rest.  Even sick I fixed him supper and seduced him as soon as he came home (I do know how to do that after so many years).  He kept telling me it didn't matter, that he didn't love me.  I sucked up the hurt and treated him with love and lust!  because I could feel that somewhere in the coldness he still had feelings for me......  He was trying too hard to be cold and hurtful.

I can't tell you everything we went thru (my 6'6", 260 lb. gental bear of a son wanted to come home and bet the sh** out of his dad.  He did come home for a week and put John verbally in his place, telling him if     he kept hurting me, he'd come back...)  One day I finally gave up and told him he could go ahead and move out, that I had come to terms with it, and headed for my lawyer.   He met me at the ofice trying to get into the car.  I kept my phone out already dialed for help and let him in.  He broke down crying saying he loved me, always had, never stopped....  He was just tired of the fights, but things had changed so much he wanted to stay.  I told him he had to change,  spend more time with me and less with his computer, even if it was too sit down to eat together and watch a TV show we both liked (He had been watching some of the same shows but would not let me sit with him.)

I also told him he had to quit pushingme into fighting, yelling.  Its been over 3 years now.  We still have some problems and lately he has pushed me into yelling, but I stopped quickly and walked away.  It has been so hard, but he is finally turning back into the man I fell in love with.  Words hurt!  If he had ever hit me he'd be in jail.   I met him by going 150% (and yes he did cheat on me, once that I can prove.  But I had us both tested)  I have almost totally forgiven him.  But as the therapist said forgiveness given too fast usually isn't sincere and can cause more problems.

As for your man he is either depressed or cheating.  Remember a man usually has a lot of trouble admitting when he is sick, when he is in trouble (even at work) and most especially if he has cheated on you.  He is still reaching out to you with his calls.  If you know you can forgive him if he's been unfaithful...  after getting mad first!  then ask the questions.  Meet face to face.  Ask the hard questions and be ready for the answers you don't want to hear.

I couldn't give up on a 30, now 33 year marriage while I still loved him...didn't like him then, but still loved.  If you want to try to put it back You are strong.  What do you want?  BEST OF LUCK.  MAY GOD GIVE YOU STRENGTH.

 

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bluey...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 3:10 PM I'm sooo sorry... Sounds like he is going through a midlife crisis.. My hubby has had a few of them.... Give it time, and hopefully it'll all work out... Remember you have friends covering your back no matter what happens :)

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anglw...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:56 AM

Shell, I am so sorry... I left my hubby on New Year's and even though I was the one who left, it still hurts like hell, knowing I could not make the relationship work. We have only been together 7 years, not as long as you and yours, but long enough to know that we just can't live together. I am sure he has a lot of the same questions as you, he still cannot understand why I left, but that is because he refuses to see the thruth that is staring him in front of his face.

 Good luck to you and if you need to talk to someone who knows, I am here. 

~Lyssa~

 

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