-
Alternative to Spanking
- Feb 1, 2008 at 2:52 AM
- By
- Comments (6) Total Views (122) Everyone can see this journal post.
Hello Everyone! I am currently taking college courses online and tonight, in my sociology class, spanking came up in discussion. Of course, I could not help myself and I went off on this long spiel on spanking. Anyway, I think my discussion is pretty kick-ass so I thought I’d share my thoughts =)
Here is what I wrote in my class discussion:
*************
In regards to spanking, I have to state that I am firmly against it. Yes, I do believe that parents should discipline their children, but in my opinion spanking is a mild form of corporal punishment. I do not think it is an effective or positive approach to discipline. It teaches one’s child that violence is an acceptable way to express anger and deal with conflict. This likely contradicts other values that parents are trying to teach their children. I also think that it is harmful emotionally for both the child and the parent. Have you ever felt wonderful after hitting a child? Spanking often leads to remorse, guilt, and doubts about the quality of one’s own parenting skills. In addition, spanking is traumatic, and it makes a child feel as though there's something wrong with her (instead of something wrong with her behavior), creates resentment, and can lead to body image and self image problems. Personally, I was spanked occasionally when I was little and it only made me fear my mother. It did not teach me to discontinue my actions; I just learned not to get caught. I also think that spanking tells a child she is powerless. A powerless person will act out, leading to more problems. I think spanking is disrespectful to the child, and it doesn't help teach respectful values or standards. It breaks trust and invades a child's sense of security. It also halts effective communication.
For example, imagine an elderly Alzheimer’s patient living in a nursing home. Let’s say she makes a huge mess with her food and a nurse comes to clean it up. If the nurse were to spank the patient a few times as punishment, the nurse would likely be reprimanded. Now replace the nurse with a parent and the patient with a child and suddenly spanking becomes okay. I just do not understand why it is okay to spank a helpless child and not okay to spank a helpless elderly patient. Anyway, I’m not trying to start a debate or offend anyone, I am just stating my opinion and I understand that not everyone will agree with me. =)
Another thing I will mention is when a parent starts disciplining their child by spanking, where does one go from there? Once a parent resorts to physical discipline, the only steps “up” are more or stronger physical discipline. I think there are alternative ways to discipline children. I do not just mean by sitting a child in a time out, I’m talking about using our wonderful adult reasoning to outwit children. There was an interesting study done by Jonathan Freedman in 1965 in regards to child rearing. In short, Freedman wanted to see if he could prevent second-to-fourth grade boys from playing with a fascinating toy, just because he said that it was wrong to do so. Talk about an enormous task! However, Freedman planned to get the boys to convince themselves that it was wrong to play with the forbidden toy; perhaps that belief would keep them from playing with the toy thereafter.
Okay, so in the first sample Freedman told 22 boys not to touch an expensive robot. He said “It is wrong to play with the robot. If you play with the robot, I’ll be very angry and will have to do something about it.” Then he left the room. 21 boys never touched the robot while he was gone. Six weeks later he did the same test and 77% of the boys touched the robot. So his “punishment” tactic was only temporary. In his third sample, Freedman set up the same test but only stated, “It is wrong to play with the robot.” This time he provided no threat to frighten the boys into obedience. Just as in the first sample, only 1 of the 22 boys touched the robot.
The real difference between the two samples of the boys came six weeks later, when the boys had a chance to play with the toy while Freedman was no longer around. An astonishing thing happened with the boys who earlier had been given no strong threat against playing with the robot. When given the freedom to play with any toy they wished, most avoided the robot, even though it was the best toy of the bunch (the others were cheap plastic toys) When these boys played with one of the five toys, only 33% choose the robot. The dramatic conclusion about the final study was that the boys took personal responsibility for their choices to stay away from the robot. They decided that they hadn’t played with the robot because THEY did not want to.
The reason I mention this study is because I think adults facing the child-rearing experience can take a cue from the Freedman study. Suppose a couple wants to impress upon their daughter that lying is wrong. A strong, clear threat (“It’s bad to lie, so if I catch you at it I will wash your mouth out with soap”) might well be affective when the parents are present or when the girl thinks she can be discovered. However, it will not achieve the larger goal of convincing her that she does not want to lie because SHE thinks it is wrong. I think this is a tricky business, because this reason may change from child-to-child. For one child, a simple appeal may be enough (“It’s bad to lie, so I hope you wont do it.”); for another it may be necessary to add a somewhat stronger reason (“…because if you do, I will be disappointed in you.”); For a third child; a mild form of warning may be required as well (“…and I’ll probably have to do something I do not want to do.”). Wise parents will know which kind of reason will work on their own children. I think the important thing is to use a reason which will initially produce the desired behavior and will, at the same time, allow a child to take personal responsibility for that behavior.
Whew! Okay, obviously I’ve talked enough on this matter. ;) Sorry to bore those of you who took the time to read all this! I just wanted to reiterate the fact that we are adults and with all of the many vast approaches to discipline, why not choose the one that allows us to outwit our children ;) without having to experience any repercussions. =)
Comments:
Yeah, I intentionally made my reply passive. This post was in reply to three women who brought up spanking saying that it was okay and that "God designed humans to have a padded butt so that we may be spanked!" (I can't believe the ignorance!! WOW--I REALLY wanted to write: "So, God designed your forehead to be hard so that I can take a basebal bat to it!" ;) lol However, considering I have to converse with these people for the rest of the semester, I wanted to make my post as non-aggressive as possible. Three women already admitted to spanking and I didn't want to start a huge debate in the class.
Anyway, thank you for your comment =)
We have found spanking to be both effective and positive in the discipline of our three kids. A swat with your bare hand on a clothed bottom is not violence in more than 3/4 of the nations opinion and you should never spank when angry. Spanking does not contradict my values to my children, my faith lets me know that it is contradictory to allow children to act disrespectfully towards their parents. A spanking done correctly not in a n abusive manner is nothing to be ashamed of I have never felt guilty or remorse or doubted my parenting skills because my children know most discipline in our house is redirecting, positive reinforcement, problem solving, and natural consequences. If a child in my house is getting a spanking its not a big production its a natural consequence for being blatenly disrespectful. One to two swats on a clothed bottom of a 2-12 year old does not result in resentmen if you are disciplining out of love and not anger. My kids are not sneeky, they do not fear me, they respect the faith and values that are laid out in our rules and level system. If you get a speeding ticket because your going too fast do you fear the police officer or do you respect his authority and fear the natural consequnces of your lack of judgement.
I have to agree for the most part, with the last poster. I spank my kids, but never when I'm upset. You have to be calm, and to me, especially when they are little, it's the best way to get things across to them. (I believe that they should not be spanked before a certain age, where they are old enough to know they are doing right/wrong). My daughter is 2 and a half, and she is a ...my mom calls her a sprite lol? ...but she just has alot of energy and is always wanting to push boundaries. She never listens to "oh you shouldn't climb on top of the tv. It's bad/wrong to climb on top of the tv." Now while I think it'd be great if i could simply say, "hannah, it is wrong to open the door and run outside into the yard. Please don't ever do that unless mommy's with you".....it just isn't enough. So I lock the door, and I even bought those annoying door knob guards. That does the trick. It's easy when you can figure out things around the problem, where you can stop them, and never have to punish them at all....That's a great way. But again, not always possible.
She just doesn't listen when I "ask" her not to do things. BUT she does get swatted by my hand on her diaper when she does something I've asked her not to do. I always says "hannah don't do _____" first, but if she does it anyways, she gets a spanking. She is actually REALLY well behaved now and I don't have to do it often-sometimes when she thinks of NEW trouble to get into, and sometimes when she shows out bc other kids are over here. But like I said an important thing is to not get angry and stay calm. If you ever hit out of anger that's a dangerous line you've just crossed, and could be considered abuse.
I should also say that I babysit a lil girl in my house who's my daughters age. Her daughter is such a whiney brat and probably, I feel, could use a spanking here or there. I never spank anyone else's kids, because, like the alzheimers patient you mentioned, they are NOT MY CHILD. I think spanking should always stop at spanking and never escalate further from that. I also think that it is the responsibility of the parent and ONLY the parent. Never anyone else's call to make that decision-under any exceptions. My husband and I both feel this girl is so mean and unruly because of the way her mom disciplines, or lack thereof, her. Her mom and I both have talked, and she does pretty much suggesting what you say. She does tell her " Please don't do that. That's not nice to do that fo our friends," etc. (says its wrong, gives a reason) and then proceeds to put her in timeout, but she admits that it doesn't work for her.
I have alot of problems with her at my house, because I try to adhere to her mother's requests and the way she disciplines her at home, even if it doesn't work. When I ask her not to do something, i usally threaten with timeout, at which she shakes her head, and continues doing whatever.....(ie. throwing hard toys or drawing on the wall) So, I phsycially pick her up and place her at the timeout spot, screaming kicking hitting and even biting me. When I put her in the timeout chair, she immediately gets up and goes back to acting out again. SO.......while I don't really want to debate spanking with you, if you think there is some better way to be dealing with the other girl, I would LOVE you to send me a message. Maybe if it is just some miracle working thing with this girl I watch, I will try it with my daughter too :) Thanks
Already a member? Click here to log in
- Xakana
Message Friend Invite