Well first should say I'm really high  for risk post partum depression, so much so social work visited me for a while. I attempted to breastfeed (despite being separated physically from my son w/in 45 mins of his birth-I was in a bad way and so was he and only had like 3 mins of me and him time) and didn't see him again til 5 hrs later in the NICU (once I was stable) and he was in a bubble and could not touch him. and even after bubble was removed could not hold him til late into day 2. And so I was quite behind on breast feeding and my supply despite pumping was just not coming in. We tried pills, we set up a rig to "trick" him into thinking he was getting from me to stimulate me while feeding him thru a tube we slipped in his mouth next to my nipple, and quite frankly milk was just not working. Then I ended up back in the hospital with some complications and the only way to relieve majority of my pain was pills and iv stuff that would not be ok to breastfeed with. So basically my son got  7 days of real solid attempts to breastfeed.   The reality is that on day 5 of 7 I freaked. I felt like a failure with the whole feeding contraption and quite frankly bawled. My husband took care of our son for 12 hrs straight  while I slept and cried, I felt like I was a bad mom because my body was just not cooperating. My family, when they realized I was not just tired, stepped in and said "stop it." you are trying you need to focus on the fact that breastfeeding does not make you a better mom, some can and some can't. I have since found out that many women I know have tried to breastfeed and not been successful, or have chosen not to for personal reasons. I'm not in tears anymore, and  my husband, mom or I can feed my son. He was not gaining weight with me and the supplementing, maybe with just the formula (soy we found out he can handle not dairy) and feeding every 2 and half hours the boy will gain some weight. Right now, the fact that he is happy and I'm getting healthier is all that matters.

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Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:02 AM im so sorry you had to go through that hun..and your right it doesnt make you a bad mom bc you arnt breastfeeding..just think of it as now the daddy gets that bonding time with him also.. hope your feeling better. keep your head up

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