I posted a journel the other day about being blamed for a death of a very good friend. What some of you dont know is that even though my ex-friend blamed me for his death, i blame myself just as much or more so

SO how do you learn to move on from something like a death of a friend, where he committed suicide and everyone blamed you for it. It has been almost 14 years and each day that goes by i still blame myself even though others are telling me not to.

I know i carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and take on more pain and sorrow then i should i am sure. BUt what do i do to help ease this pain. It is not like i can go to shawna nd deat the hell out of him and yell at him,he is dead. I can not vent my anger at him for all the bull shit he has put me through and the pain he has caused me.
And not to be rude, please dont think this, but i can not just get over adn move on.  this consumes my nights, my dreams........and i dont know what to do

I dont dwell on it regularly but it seems especially the past month or so it is my every waking thought.And i thought i had put it to rest years ago.
SO any help would be wonderful thanks everyone who cares not only about me, but also about eachother. You are all very special ladies

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