mrsgibbs's Journal

its just one of those days.....

so one of  best friend's from college calls me last night.  She lives in another city than I.  She has a son younger than mine and a daughter the same as as my oldest.  We were talking about what was going on and she asks if she's still in the wedding since i've not heard from her in months and i told her she can do something else b/c snce i haven't heard from her that I asked another friend of mine to do the part blah blah and we had to move the wedding back b/c of counseling and school and we wanted to do it right around time for the vaca and a whole lot of other reasons. She asked me if i'd been looking for my dress and all i said yea, i bought my dress already and its living w/ my sis now until may...she said she's gonna come over one day next week so we can talk and then the chic starts boo hooing like crazy..so i was like girl, whats wrong w/ you? and she tells me how her son has been showing out @ school. he's in prek and she said they told her that if he doesn't start acting right, they are putting him out. So I told her that they can't put that boy out of school and then she continues to say how he's been acting @ home and in public. I frankly told her that she basically needs to just put her foot dwn and stop letting him get away w/ stuff..She used to think that mess cute, but now that he's embarrassing her when she takes him out, she's all emotional..so i told her to stop crying and let her know a lot of the stuff her son's doing, my son does. my son shows out sometimes @ school, he gets into stuff all the time but when he does,  i correct him...I asked her what she does and she said ignores his behavior..I told her that works to an extent but you can't ignore something w/o correcting it....like if he's screaming @ the top of his lungs, i cant ignore that. I'm gonna let him know he should tone it down  5 or  6 notches and if he continues, he's getting a whooping.time out doesn't work over here. i start w/ taking tv card away and if that doesnt work, then i go to spanks.  but everyone can't do what i do..she claimed she has to go back and put him back in timeout bc he keeps getting up or moving around, i don't knw b/c when i've seen the boy, he's always shy acting, but i knwo how that is too.....anyhow, so she went on and on about what he'd done earlier that day and she said she hauled off and told him that she hates him. I was shocked. I asked her what was he doing that would make her same some junk like that to a child? she said he was just outta control and she couldn't get him to listen and before she knew it, that's what she said. I asked her what her husband had 2 say about that and she said that he was quite upset and that if she didn't start taking some meds or gettng some help, something was gonna change. she said she didn't know what he meant by that. I asked her if she apologized to the son and she said yea, but basically he just brushed it off. But  i can imagine it hurt his feelings...we talked about an hr or so then i told her i'd call her back today after i thought about what she can do...i thought about and i'm lost. I dont knw what to tell her..what can i tell her to do after she's told this child she hates him? i know you cant take back words you say and if he's anything like her, that dude is gonna remember, b/c she remembers stuff we did back in kindergarten and all that....i feel like i'm in no position to say much b/c i've told my kids they are getting on my nerves and i think that was bad......this one i just dont know......

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LilMo...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:48 AM

Wow. I can sorta understand where she's coming from. Plain and simple, sounds like he's a strong willed kid like my DD, who mind you is barely three. I have days with her when she's soooooo incredibly defiant, that I feel like I'm about to lose it. I have to hold my tongue to keep from saying some really nasty stuff. The real problem is the unchecked behavior. I've tried my best recently to mean what I say and to cut her talking back. It's hard b/c we are complete opposites. I was never nearly as smart mouthed and bold as my DD is. But, the truth of the matter is that no matter how I was raised and what worked for me this chich is different and if I have to break her down several times a day, I'mma have to do it. I'm not trying to break her will, b/c one day...one day...this headstrongness she has will work in her favor, but for now, she's gotta learn to respect authority, especially while she's young.

Okay, after all that rambling I do have a bit of advice. Encourage her to stick to her guns. Mean what she says and don't use idol threats or bribes. There's a good book I read about a year ago by James Dobson called The Strong-Willed Child. That may help too. Good luck with everything!.........Oh, and tell her she has to balance her rebukes with love. The boy may need some Mommy hugs and attention, no matter how hard it may be for her to do it.

 

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bluii...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:40 PM Like you said, you can't take back what you said, but if he's old enough to understand, maybe she could sit down and explain why she said what she did.  After that, she really needs to be consistent.  So if she says she's going to discipline him in a certain way, then she needs to do it.  It will take time and energy, but it will work.

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