* don;t forget to read UPDATE)

I dread going to Bible Study. Some nights I don't. But I so dread going tonight. I rarely enjoy it at all. That makes me sound like a bad Christian. I'd rather stay home ..... by myself  and read the Bible and pray all alone. I dread tonight. The 'theme' is givivngme anxiety attacks already. We are to bring a song or piece of art that is significant of our life, or something like that. My husband is thinking if "White and Nerdy" by weird al. I refuse to take part in the assignment.  It makes me want to scream in fear just thinking about it. When I read the email (and reminder email with 'bring a song or art" written in BOLD) my throat closes, my heart pounds out of control. I can't breath and I want to run and hide.

Bible study is lead by extroverts. I never will understand how they think. I know that. But extroverts have a hard time realizing they will never understand how we introverts think.

It took my 4 yrs of going to this same Bible study to not have a panic attack each time followed by a 2 day Migraine. Now I only have small little axiety episodes. racing heart, shallow breaths, sweaty pals, mild fear. but I am usually fine when I get home; just really tired the next day. Unlike the first few years that wiped out a hole day or two complete with migraines and palipitations the whole weekend.

 After 3-4 yrs I have gotten to where I will talk and respond and share some. No one knows or understand the extreme panic and fear I go through each time I choose to respond or talk. I tried explaining to one of the ladies once. She gets anxiety annd used to actually be on meds and wasonce hospitilized for psychological stuff. But despite her anxiety stuff, she is an extrovert and she just didn;t get it.

I think extroverts are more likely to be diagnosed and medicated for anxiety- because it they know it goes directly against their personality and how they want to be- social. I wonder if introverts are less likey to seek help for anxiety issues becuase they don't want to be social and don't feel the need to fix it so they can socialize. Or maybe it is just me annd my control freak issues that won;t allow me to seek help for my anxiety attacks. I have to deal with it all by myself.I want to be in control of the situation even if the situation is 'going south.' I could never admit I really am not in control annd need someone else to take control for me. God can take control, but I can;t allow people to. which is just silly. I know in my heart, God takkes control by using others to help us. But my head won't allow it.

 

back to the main topic- sometimes I wonder if it makes me unChristian like to dread going to bible Study and want to skip the whole ordeal. But then I get over it and don't care what it might appear to make me seem. Because I know who I am and an content and happy with me. the title question was rhetorical. I know it's not unchristian to feel this way.

If I didn;t have kids and a husband I'd lock myself in my house and never leave. I'd be one of those old ladies with 57 cats that never left the house.

** UPDATE- just to make things clear. i like beinig an introvert. I don't want to change that. I have no desire to be fixed or learn to be an extrovert. That is not how God made me. I am not insecure nor do I lack confidence. I would just like for the extroverts to stop thinking I need help chagning or being less insecure.

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Comments:

HotSa...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:19 AM Don't feel bad that you're an introvert.  In a world of extroverts you're always going to come across people that will view you differently just because you're not like they are.  Bible study isn't for everyone.  I enjoy reading the Bible at home and praying at home as well.  Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

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twins...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:22 AM

Absolutely NOT!   Bible studies aren't for everyone.  I attended a Thursday morning bible study for several years.  The women in the study changed and the "tone" of the study changed so I quit attending.  I still attend my Sunday School class and I still teach the Kindergarten and 1st graders on Wednesday night.  Do I feel less Christian for not being in a bible study?  NO!  I am Christian.  I believe and study, but on my own with out that particular group of women.

You do need to talk to someone about your preference to be alone and to have the feeling of panic to go to your group.  If you can, go talk to a therapist.  Being introverted does not mean going through panic and fear in a group.

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ymop
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:23 AM

from the point of from an introvert- i never really thought about how they can get when its time to socialize! I am an extrovert- but can get some of the things you were describing when i am ask to comment on something i have no confidence in! But you know the fact that you are a Christian- like i am- it has allowed me to depend on Jesus more so- when i fear and get nervous!! It is ALL him anyhow! I will continue to pray for you to be free from these anxieties!! God wants you to walk in freedom and peace !! p.s.- you are too beautiful of a lady and i am sure of a person- to be locked up !

By the way i think it isnt unchristian - Not to want to go to your Bible study- but God is maybe using them to help you Break free from you insecurites- ect. He knows how to stretch us!!

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Gabbey
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:26 AM No it doesn't.  Some people are extroverts, some people are introverts.  Personally, I don't "do" crowds, therefore I understand how you feel.  You also have to realized some people will think it is unchristian of you to feel that way.  You will have to develop a tough skin to weather that storm.  Stand your ground.  If however, you feel you would like to be able to participate. then there are things you can do to feel better speaking in crowds.  One such group, I JUST heard of is called Toastmasters.  I think if I understand it correctly, it helps people speak better in public and get over their shyness.  I do want you to know I'm not advocating that you "cure" yourself.  Sorry. that's a poor choice of words.  I'd resent it if someone told me to get "cured' of an innate personality characteristic.  I was terribly shy as a child and I'd just as soon be alone with a Good Book than go to a party.  But I majored in education and took jobs as a waitress and being a store clerk.  So that just took care of some things for me.  You are fine.  Just tell those well meaning people that that is the way God made you and buzz off.!!!

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sarbeth
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:27 AM I'm the same way.  I've given up on small groups and all that good stuff because I just wasn't made for it.  I like much better to lock myself in my room and do my own bible study...or one online with other Christian women.  God made us all different.  What works for some doesn't always work for all....it doesn't make us bad...it makes us what God made us.

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Watch...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:29 AM I certainly don't think it is unchristian of you to not feel like going to Bible study.  I'm an extrovert and while it is difficult for me to understand how an introvert feels and what they experience I can empathize.  I have anxiety when it comes to speaking in front of groups and such.  Much of it is the same control freak, don't want to screw up perfectionist in me.  So it varies for everyone.  I am personally all for getting outside your comfort zone, but I too feel as though you shouldn't have to change the person you are to do so.  If participating in this particular activity (song or art) is an issue choose not to participate in it.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It's hard to seek the help of others, but being able to voice how you feel even if on the internet takes strength and courage.  (((HUGS)))

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HotSa...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:05 PM

If I didn;t have kids and a husband I'd lock myself in my house and never leave. I'd be one of those old ladies with 57 cats that never left the house.

lol -- I always tell my husband that if I get old and he's not around and the kids have left the house that I'll be one of those women...except I must have a bu-zillion cuckoo clocks on the wall too!!!

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Kiter
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:11 PM

Thaks hotsauce-

 

I think a bazillion cuckoo clocks would drive me crazy-- and my 57 cats wouldn't like it...

good thing we have our husbands.

I just hope I don't end up like the crazy ol widows that eat catfood.

 

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sweet...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:11 PM

I am an introvert as well, yet I am very confident.  I am a proud believer in the word of God as well, and I do think church is important to help us grow in our faith...however,  maybe instead of going to every bible study you may find yourself more comfortable going to a few of them to help you grow in your faith.

Just a suggestion :)

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Kiter
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:21 PM

Thanks for stopping by Sweetiepie8540! Extroverts need to hear that we introverts are not broken or iin need of confidence simply becuase we are introverts. The desire to not be social isn't a disorder or problem to be fixed. It is a different personality - and all of us are needed to make the world turn.

 

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