Easy choice, right? Yeah, you would think so. But not when it was presented to me last night.

It wasn’t said so callously as that, but that’s how I took it. Anyone that’s read my journals knows that we’ve all had to make a lot of adjustments when we moved out here. Well the kids weren’t the only ones that lost their friends when we moved. I did too. That’s why I finally succumbed to all the adds for Cafemom on Myspace. I figured, “Fine. Maybe I can find some local moms on there that I can relate to.” And lo and behold! I did. I am so thankful that I joined. I absolutely love it. I’m so thankful for the amazing women that I’ve come to call friends.

Now for the record-every activity that I’ve ever done with my new friends, I’ve done with my kids. Except for the cookie exchange. And the reason they were not there for that was because they were with their dad. That was not my decision. If they weren’t with him, they would’ve definitely been there.

Also, those of you that have met me, know that I am oh…a little overweight. Lol  Well, that’s a BIG issue with Ron. He has let me know that I am the biggest woman that he has ever dated. (I know, who says that, right? But whatever.) Anyway, he has mentioned it to me several times since we started dating. “Why don’t you work out? Why don’t you go for a walk? Blah blah blah…” And you should see the looks I get from him if I take a second helping of something, or a big first helping, or desserts, or even talk about how much I like some desserts or something. *sigh* It’s ridiculous. I can’t even enjoy food anymore around him. I almost feel like I have to sneak it. And that’s bad! So…I decided to start working out. And Rose became my new workout buddy. J Because let’s face it-we all need motivation. And it helps if we have someone going through it with us. Well to get any kind of results, I figure I’ve got to workout 3 times a week. That’s all I can do. My schedule will not allow for any more. So I schedule my workouts around everything else. Homework, scouts, supper, etc. And it’s pretty hectic and crazy, but it seemed to be working…or so I thought.

Well Ron sits down with the kids last night while I’m downstairs. He was going to talk to them AGAIN about why they can’t keep their rooms clean and pick up after themselves, etc. (Other than the fact that they’re kids.) I don’t know what this has to do with picking up after themselves, but during this talk, it comes out that “Mommy doesn’t spend enough time with us anymore…” *sigh* “She’s always on the computer or doing stuff with her friends or working out. She hasn’t been the same since she joined Cafemom.” ……………………………………………………........................

I’m not sure what to do with this information. Ron agrees with the kids. He told me to please not take it the wrong way, but they were right. He said he loved the fact that I was working out and that I have found some friends, but he thinks I bit off more than I could chew. He thinks I need to take a step back. He said that I don’t really spend much quality time with the kids anymore and that’s why they’re upset. He said he’s tried to take some of the burden of the kids off of me (which he has-he does pretty much everything with Jordan). So he’s sitting here saying all of this stuff, telling me everything the kids said (and at this point I haven’t said anything-I just want to explode!), and then he says this: “Now I know everyone in this family has a tendency to overreact to things, especially me…but I don’t think YOU should…” WTH?! Excuse me?! Are you kidding me?! So everyone else is allowed to blow up except me? I have to always be calm and rational? How fair is that? So I didn’t say a word. So then he says, “Will you please say something?” *scoff* “What do you want me to say?” He wants me to tell him how I ‘feel’ about what he said. Lol How I feel? *scoff* He doesn’t want to know how I feel! So I said, “So I’m not allowed to do stuff with my friends?” He said, “That’s not it! But you’re spending an awful lot of time with them.” Then he made some comment about how he hasn’t been able to see his friends lately. That has nothing to do with me. I never said he couldn’t spend time with his friends. He knows all he has to do is say he’s going and that’s it. I have no control over him like that.

So anyway, I end up going to bed all mad and he says, “Just don’t be p!$$3d off at me for too long.” But once he came to bed, he kissed me goodnight and he said, “If you want to still workout three times a week, consider scheduling one of the nights for earlier-like 6 or something and the kids and I can go eat out somewhere so they don’t think about it. Or schedule it for later, around 8:30 or something when they’re getting ready to go to bed. I’m trying to help. I really want this to work. You remember the other day when I told you how I loved you so much and you didn’t understand why? Well the reason why is because I think you’re almost perfect for me. I think you and the kids were sent to me. I just want all of us to be happy.”

*sigh* I’m so conflicted. The thing is that lately all the kids have been doing is spending time in their rooms anyway. It’s not like I’m ignoring them. They’ve been sent to their rooms everyday to work on them until they’re clean. They make the mess, they have to clean it. That’s how it goes. I am NOT one of those moms that will clean up after the kid their whole life. Not gonna happen. Once it’s clean, I would love to do stuff with them. But I know how particular Ron is about having a clean house all the time. The kids can be up there for hours and get nothing done. L It’s sad. And Ron gets mad because he can’t even go upstairs to relax in his own bathtub. Which I completely understand, but still. I’m the one stuck in the middle of all of this. I’ve got Ron on side, the kids on one side, and myself (with my new friends) on the other. Not that the friends necessarily compete with Ron and the kids, but I’m talking about myself here. What makes ME happy. I like spending time with my girlfriends. I haven’t had that in a long time and I really missed it.

Anyway, I feel like a pretty terrible mother right now. Because honestly I feel like they are being selfish. I feel like if they want to spend quality time with me, then they should take care of their rooms so they CAN spend quality time with me. What should they care what I’m doing while they are in their room cleaning? Does it matter if I’m on the computer? Or downstairs working out? Or playing Guitar Hero? Or whatever the case may be? They are busy. Once they are free to spend time with me, then we’ll talk. Until then, I feel like I can do whatever I want with my time. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I can’t believe Ron sided with them too. I mean, how long did he push for me to workout? Really? So what? He thinks me working out once a week will get any results? Come on. Give me a break. Ask anyone-3 times is typical. He wanted it, so I’m doing it and now he can’t deal with it. I’m so frustrated right now. I just feel so torn.

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Comments:

maika...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:49 PM aww  ... i'm here if you need to chat... hugs from kailah and i

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maryn...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 12:58 PM Aweee Theresa... can I help?

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girl_...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:14 PM i struggle with all the same stuff...minus the BF :) I think that in some ways we all do. Im sorry that everyone is giving you so much grief

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Rosen...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:25 PM

Ok, So when I heard the kids say that last night, I felt like crap too and they are not my kids. Maybe you and you alone not with Ron should take them to a movie or something that you know they like and sit down and talk with them alone. You are all still making adjustments.

As for Ron harping on you about what you eat, Well that's just wrong. NOT everyone can be as thin as he is. Ron loves you very much and so do your kids. Like I told you the other night You are a GREAT mother.

Don't get discouraged, but ,maybe every Sunday should be a day for you and the kids and let Ron go hang out with his buddies.

just a thought.. Keep you head you Theresa you are doing a great job!!!

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mommymya
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:42 PM

aww, im so sorry theresa. i can understand that it would be hard, balancing work, a man, kids, friends..heck all i have is a baby and husband and its hard to spend time with any family or few friends i may have.. i enjoy spending time with m y hubby, bu ti enjoy being with friends too..i hope you guys can work it out and make up a schedule that will work for all of you..being a workign mom is hard in itself to have any tiem for all the other stuff.. but your kids are at school when you are at work..you are right, if you are seirous about wanting to get in shape, it does require 3-4 days of working out.. im glad you have the motivation cuz i dont! it seems liek theres never enough time in a day.. i always think, do i want to spend time with joshy and my hubby or go work out.. and hmm working out never wins!! but david supports me and never tells me im fat or to watch what i eat..he is always tellingme how beautiful i am and i am the one saying im fat and hes saying no your not stop it..i think you should talk to ron about how things he says pertaining to what you eat and weight make you feel..you are such a wonderul and nice person weight should not be such a big issue!!! and you should probably make one night out of the week family night so you can all spend time together, and then also do things alone with the kids , because i know when a parent has a new relationship with someone kids tend to feel left out or like their parent is not spending enough time with them.. i think you are a wonderful mother and i know y ou love ron and your kids very much!!!!! feelbetter lady:) we are all here for you.

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tjgirl
Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:05 PM Oh Theresa I am so sorry you are going through this!!  I agree with you though, you should be able to do what you want while they are cleaning their rooms. Do more family time, but maybe one night a week go out with friends. About working out, tell them to come downstairs with you and hang out. Let them workut with you even. About Ron making you feel guilty about your weight, let him know how much it hurts you!! Let him know that this is you... whether you are a size 2 or 18 he knew from the beginning what you looked like and thought you were a beautiful and wonderful person!! You shouldn't have to change for someone!! Yes, most of us realize we need to lose weight, but that is a personal thing and you don't need the person you love making you feel guilty!! Hang in there, you are a wonderful mom and your kids are great which proves you are doing something right!! *HUGS*

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mommy...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 4:14 PM Theresa-  Ron's harping about weight is something that has been there as long as I've known him. You need to have an honest talk with him and tell him how you feel when he does that.  It is his issue not yours.  I think he feels like everyone will end up like Audrey.  Of course you need time for you and the balance is very hard.  I'm not good in that department either.  Perhaps that's why I take my happy pills:)  If you can't make yourself happy how can you expect to make others?  Maybe a weekly/biweekly family night.  Maybe a limit to how long it takes to clean a room.  Maybe you need to cut out "extra" kid activities.  Maybe they should spend time with you on your terms.  See you tonight.....xoxo Ang

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