In my short life I have seen and ben through a lot.

My mom is an alcoholic who was emotionally and physically abusive when I was a kid. She ha since changed, though she is still an alcoholic.

I was molested by the husband of a woman who babysat me.

I was raped when I was 14.

I had an abortion when I was 14.

Many "friends" of mine used and abused me.

I was bullied relentlessly in school.

I felt as though I never had my parents support.

I felt everything I did was wrong.... no one ever pointed out my good qualities.

I started doing drugs while in college and when I graduated college I became a heroin addict.

I went to detox. I started using again, found out I was pregnant when I was 13 weeks along.... I quit then cold turkey.

The L&D nurses treated me like dirt when I had my son because the knew my history. They ignored that all my drugs tests were clean.

I moved 1500 miles away from home.

I am depressed, lonely and anxious.

 

All these things and many things I didn't list do not control my life. They did not make me do anything.

Though my life experiences and choice have been less than stellar... I have decided I need to take my own advice and stop dwelling in the past. I have decided I need to live with no regrets.

Each and every event or choice has led me to where I am today. While I am not a doctor (as I had always dreamed of being.... still do to some extent), I am not badly off. I am a wife to a man who has his faults but does love me unconditionally. I am mother to 2 wonderful children. Financially we are not all set...  but I have been working on it and soon, we will be all set.

Each of my experiences has a hidden positive.... they are experiences I can use to teach my children. They are things I can use to understand when my children are going through some of these things. I can model my parenting from this.

I try to remind myself of these things daily....  but sometimes it is so hard to pull myself out of my depression. I promise I will not dwell in the past and throw pity parties anymore. No one wants to hear it. Ultimately no one cares about my past....  it's over and done with. Now I move forward from it all, and use it.

Add A Comment

Comments:

lillpop
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:07 PM

  well good for you!!

 My daughter is 14 and was diagnosed with depression, its hard because I always feel like I am walking on eggshells with her .

 I am glad to see it can be overcome to some extent , makes me hopeful for her

 Thanks for the inspiration , you are a great person!

Message Friend Invite

jamarcil
Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:10 PM You go girl! Don't let heartless people Control your life. Now that you are an adult you are free and you can control your own life! Life is not a dress rehearsal we'd better live it and enjoy the good healthy things while we can. If we have our health and mind we are rich~

xoxo

Message Friend Invite

rantan
Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:05 PM I have always known that you are strong. You are a surviror in a situation that many would not be. This is only one of the reasons that I am proud to call you my friend.

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in