...of some of his friends.  He is 13 and has always been the kind of kid to hang out with different kinds of kids (as in social status) and it has never been a problem.  Well, unfortunately as we all know the older kids get the more cliquish they get.  His big group of buddy's is now breaking up into smaller groups of boys.  He still tries to hang with them all and has different friends stay over and hang out.  He has one friend in the cooler group who is now putting a lot of pressure on him to quit hanging with these other boys because they are nerds according to the kid and if he doesn't stop hanging out with them the kid told him he won't be his friend anymore and he is trying to turn the other boys in his group against Blake if he doesn't quit hanging out with these other kids.  This boy called Blake on his cell last night and was yelling loud enough at him that I could actually hear some of what he was saying.  We were in the car and Blake was in the back seat.  He said something about how he was getting really sick of being ignored for a bunch of dorks.  My son said something then that made me very proud.  He said how do you know they are dorks?  I could not make out the response but then Blake said what difference does that make to you they are my friends and I will hang out with them if I want to.  Well we didn't discuss that phone call until this morning.  He was not in the mood to talk about it last night.  If I give him space he usually comes to me when he is ready.  Anyway, we talked it out this morning and I told him to be true to himself.  To hang with the kids he feels comfortable with.  That a real friend would not want him to change they would like him for who he is.  I feel so bad for him because I remember those days.  He wants to be cool even though he says he doesn't really care what other people think but he also doesn't want to give up his buddy's.  They have some great times together.  I wish I could protect his feelings forever and keep him from getting them hurt.  Kids are so darn mean and hateful sometimes.  It really breaks my heart.  I try to give him the best advice I can and hope it gets better for him.  Sometimes I want to drive over to the other kids house and just ring his little neck!!  I don't know if my boy knows it but it hurts and bothers me as much as it does him.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 1:55 PM Isnt' middle school the worst?  I know we all have to go through it but I wish I could insulate them somehow from all the crap like this.  My son is 12 and my daughter 14 and they're in the same situation.  Ashley has told her friends that they're all her friends and she won't turn her back on anyone just to stay in good with someone else.  So far, she's been able to do that and she's only lost one friend because of it.  On the other hand, my son likes everyone and no one has been giving him a hard time yet.  As long as they'll play football or hockey or gamecube with him, they're his friend. 

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:01 PM

Sounds like you've raised a wise and thoughtful son who makes good choices.

I went through the same stuff at that age - got kicked out of one group for hanging with another. It really made my jr. high and first 2 high school years hell, sorry to say. I do believe I am stronger, wiser, more compassionate for what I've gone through.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:12 PM Jr High and High School are rough if you are any sort of a good person.  I am amazed every day at the lack of kindness or any sense of morality you see in most kids.  You told him the right thing and although it might make life harder during the next few years, he will be so much better off in the long run with a sense of compassion and loyalty.

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