to go and meet with the teachers at the special preschool for Ashton.

I have mixed emotions about this.  I know he needs some help, help that I just don't know how to give him, but at the same time, it's like it's all crashing down on me.

Does he have the delays he has because of me?

Did I do something wrong when I was pregnant, something when he was a baby?  Or did he inherit it from me?  My parents both say he is almost a carbon copy of how I was as a toddler, maybe I would have been happier as a child if I would have gotten some extra help at the beginning?

 

I'm not placing blame on my mother, even if it sounds like it.  Now that I have children, I understand that no parent is perfect, that most times a parent doest the best job they can do, but parents are still only human, even if their children don't know it. 

I just don't know how to feel.  I'm torn between wanting to keep him here, so he never has to face the world, so he never loses his wonderful smile, and letting him go so he can get the help he needs.

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