I'm in the ocean so close to the sand but wave after wave keeps slamming me down and i can't reach beach to pull myself out. I'm stuck there, taking shallow breaths as i wait for the next wave to hit then work my way to the surface again only to be hit by another. There's no lifeguard on duty. I'm out there on my own. No one can save me and i can't do it on my own. Honestly i don't know how much more of all of this i can take. I always hated treading water.

  This is my life right about now. Today my mother calls me and tells me that my uncle is dying and he only has 2 more months to live. The cancer is back and there is nothing that they can do about it. It spreading more rapidly this time and either way no matter what they do he is dying.

   A couple of months ago my nephew died. He was hit and killed by a car 2 days before thanksgiving. He was gonna be 2 this month.

   A month or so before that a really close friend of our family who was like a father to my mom died of cancer. He had just gotten a new heart after years of waiting and cancer took his life.

   Several people in my church that i loved very much have died this past year. I have been to several funerals. And although it was nice to see the random faces that i havn't seen in years it hurts to think that it took this to get us all back together.

   One thing after another..Besides the car breaking down, the roof leaking and all of lifes other dumb things i am exausted and i just need some time to breathe. But when i get to the point where i think i can just breathe for a minute here comes another wave. The kids need me, my husband needs me, church stuff is adding up and my family is falling apart. I'm being strong but i don't know how much strength i have left.

   On the upside we have planned a small vacation and we are going to disneyland next friday. That should be a little relaxing..I hope..



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