Well, Trent has had this horrible horrible cough for like a week now!!! Maybe more. So, I set up an appointment for him to go to the dr to see if we could get some cough medicine for him. We went to the instacare 2 days ago, but they don't give out anything "special" for anything, they aren't allowed to give out narcotics or whatever, so we didn't get anything at the instacare...so, I got up at 7am, went out and scraped off my car, turned it on and put the defrost on (it snowed...again...UUUUUUGH!) and then came in and got Preston all cozy snug in his carseat bundle thing and then woke Trenton up and got him ready to go. Then we went to the dr.

My medicaid card didn't come yet, and when they called, they said Trent wasn't covered!!!! So, I paid $60 today to find out that Trent has a cold and to just keep giving him his breathing treatments!!!!! WHAT A WASTE!!! The breathing treatments don't DO anything, that's WHY I brought him in!!!!

I just really hope Preston doesn't get sick. I am so very worried about that.

As far as my sickness, I have a really sore throat, a nasty cough where I cough up CLUMPS of grossness, my ears a little clogged and my nose is runny like crazy. My body aches only lasted for the one day, so that was nice at least.

Trent is so cute. Today he said "when I was sleeping my orange juice turned into water" HAHAHA! I think that's so cute! And then Preston does these little looks at me...the "o face", you know where their mouth is in a little "o" and they just look at you. He does that all the time, and then does this look, I don't know how to describe it. I took pictures, I'll get them up. He just has awesome facial expressions! haha I can't wait until we are all healthy again and I can get pictures of the boys together...Trent is really good about not going too close to Preston so he doesn't get him sick. I worry about him though cuz I'm sick and he sleeps with me and I breastfeed him so he is constantly with me!!!

I am having a kinda rough day today accepting that Avery is REALLY gone. It's been like "pretend" sometimes, and the other times when I've grasped that it's REAL, I have been okay with it...right now I'm sort of okay with it...I mean, I'm NOT okay at all with it, but I understand it...to some people that ight sound totally stupid, but you'd have to know him and the situation of our life and his life and everything to "get" it...knowing him, I understand why he did what he did...but today I just miss him so bad. I have a hard time grasping the fact that I really am not going to grow old with him, hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, rub his back, snuggle him, wait up for him, fight with him, sleep next to him, call him, text him...he is not here with my phsycially anymore, and that is hard for me...I had a harder time this morning when I was half asleep and pissy about having to pay $60 to be told NOTHING, so I'm sort of getting better as the day goes on, but I'm still sad. I think I'll always be sad...

I miss what we used to have...and what we possibly COULD have had. If he could have gotten out of pills and drinking, or even just the pills, we could have had something again. We could have been a family again...

Looking back, though, the last few months were going downhill REALLY fast...bad things were happening...I think he knew...he wasn't HIM anymore...I think he was more lost this time around than he ever was. That is sad. I'm glad that he's happier where he is now...but from MY end...I miss him. And I'm sad for me and the boys.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 3:36 PM I am sure you are sad. Who would not be hun? I sure do hope you both get better soon. Have a good weekend =)

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 5:46 PM I'm sad for you and the boys too, however you are a very strong woman and a great mom!!!! Remember every thing happens for a reason even though it is hard now it will only make you stronger and sure not to get into drugs or alcohol because you know what it can do to you! I hope you feel better soon. I know that if you are breastfeeding it should help him not to get sick because whatever your body is using to get rid of it he will also get a dose from you to help him not to get it. When my little girl was only a month old I got sick and was so worried, she did not even get sick at all I was so happy. We are sending our Love, hugs and will be thinking of you and your boys...LOL Oh yeah I just hate going to the doctors and they do not even help.... grrrrr I'm sorry!!

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Feb. 5, 2008 at 11:11 AM

Frustrating, all right.  Talk to social services.  I would imagine that both your boys would be covered.  If not with medicaid, then with family health plus-which is basically medicaid for kids.  Keep track of all medical expenses paid out of pocket for taxes.  You should be able to deduct them, if nothing else....

Sorry you're having a rough time dealing with your husband's death.  You're grieving normally, and time will lessen your sadness, but that doesn't make it better today, does it?

Sending you some hugs and prayers of strength!


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