I haven't been on here much this week. I told Summer Rain I would write about why. I had hoped to write yesterday, but wasn't ready. Today, I am ready to talk about it.

Well, I already mentioned to you about Hubby's job. It isn't getting better. It's getting worse. It looks like the company is closing. They're just finishing out their last orders. The employees who are left are each let go as their jobs on the coaches are done. They received a notice yesterday that the company is trying to get new investors, but if they don't it will close.

This doesn't just affect our family. This affects our church as well. Many of our guys work, or not worked for this company. The guys are having such a great attitude, though. They are each just seeing this as an opportunity to start fresh somewhere else. I am so proud of our guys! :)

In addition to that, my brother had a trial this week. I don't think it would be right for me to tell his business here, but all I can say is we, his family, didn't know what was going on for about 2 days. We were frantic and worried. These 2 trials alone were enough to blow me out of the water a bit. But, then, you know that when it rains, it pours. So, there has been the little things in life to deal with too.

I have been keeping an eye on the news reports cuz they have been reporting on Hubby's company and news related to what's going on. I usually don't keep up with the news cuz everything on there is so sad. Well, I saw a report about a Mom and her husband who beat a 6 year old girl with an electric cord. I guess they also beat the 3 year old son. This breaks my heart! What is wrong with us as a society?! We are behaving just like the Israelites did when they were so far from God after mixing with the heathen nations around them! We don't even value our children as nation?! Our children are our future! Our children are our greatest treasure! As a nation we care more about the trees and the whales! What is the matter with us?! This has become such a burden on my heart. I'm tired of reading and hearing about Moms and Dads harming, leaving, and abandoning their kids! I am praying and fasting about this. I don't know what else to do! I wish I could adopt every child out there and love, feed, and clothe them. That's why I like teaching Sunday School. It's one way I can show love and affection to as many children as possible.

There have been a few people from my church (not you, Summer Rain) who haven't realized just how sick I have been. One person in particular thought I was just staying home over these past weeks cuz I just didn't "feel" like going. I have been so saddened because I have been unable to live my life and someone actually thinks I am enjoying being stuck at home! It's been hard enough to be sick, in pain, and stuck at home. But, now I have to worry about people thinking I'm backslid and complacent. I have been praying and hanging on to Jesus through every inch of this valley. I have given Jesus the glory throughout this whole trial. I have allowed Jesus to change me and help me grow. I have sought Jesus' hand and work throughout the whole thing! So, why can't this person see that? Why doesn't this person know that I have drawn closer to Jesus than I've ever been?

Jesus has been healing me inside and out. I worked so hard for so many years to push myself and overcome physical challenges in my life. I didn't know how to manage the emotional side of things. That's what Jesus has been healing mostly. My heart. I never admitted that it hurt. I never would allow myself to admit that I was disappointed. And now, Jesus has helped me to face those thoughts and feelings. And by facing them I have overcome them! Jesus has healed my heart, body, and mind.

I know Jesus is my defender. He will speak to the heart of this individual and any others who doubt me on this. It just hurts that this person didn't come and ask me what was going on. They just assumed I was sloughing off. It just hurts cuz I've been going through all of this pain and struggle and this person didn't know. They didn't know cuz they didn't take the time to ask. Sorry. Not exactly my usual cheery post. But, there are times in a persons life when they have taken all they can take. When the burdens of life are so heavy, only Jesus can lift them off. I am at one of those times. 

I have a dovotional book titled, Daily In Your Presence. This is what it says for today:

Burden Bearer

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19

From the Father's Heart

My child, how I love to carry your burdens! YOur shoulders are much too weak to beasr that weight. I should know. I created you for My glory, and with God-shaped needs. Like a loving father with his child, I welcome you into My arms the moment you run to Me. Let Me be a burden-bearing tree for you. Daily, hang up your worries and cares upon My branches. But, don't forget to leave them there. I'll know what to do with them.

A Grateful Response

I know my problems are only opportunities from You to help me grow. But when heavy loads weigh me down, You're there as my burden bearer. There's no problem too difficult for You to solve, and no burden too heavy for You to bear. Lord, I thank You for carrying me when I cannot walk.

Simple Truth

Compassion is always in fashion.

This is how it's been through this whole valley! Jesus has been here the whole time carrying me, holding me, comforting me. He's been telling me to rest in Him. To let my body have time to rest and recoup from all of the things it's endured over the years. And in the meantime Jesus is healing my heart and mind.

Jesus is so good and awesome! That's exaclty how He is. He takes care of us through good and bad, thick and thin. Even when others don't know where we are in life, He knows where we are. He knows I have been close to His side this entire trial. Infact, He's been carrying me for most of it! He's given me the strength to sit and do nothing so my body can heal. That probably doesn't sound like something that takes strength, but for me it does. I'm am a busy and active person by nature. I don't sit very well. But, Jesus is teaching me to rest and take care of myself. He's also teaching me patience and to allow Him to be my defender when others don't understand me.

Ok. I've taken up enough of your time. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope I haven't brought anyone else down by expressing my thoughts and feelings. Jesus is great and I know there is hope for each things I've mentioned. I just needed somewhere to put the thoughts and feelings. Thanks for letting me share them with you.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:36 PM you haven't brought me down one bit, if anything you've shed a light on my thoughts. i'm sorry you're going through these troubled times. GOD WILL HEAL ALL WOUNDS.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 4:37 PM Hi Sis, Aww! I feel your pain, and I am so sorry ! Jesus Loves you so much and I know that you have been going through so much, you have been for quite some time. But you are one of the strongest sold out Christians that I know. I know its hard not to worry about a sister that is causing you pain…but I do understand how you feel. I`ve had my share of those that can`t seem to see inside of my heart. It`s never easy! But, you`ve already cam ethrough so much and the best thing you can do is pray for that person..I know you do! I cant answer for her, but I will definitely help you pray! God will work it all out someday..Someday we cant understand one another, until we walk in their shoes. I don’t mean that to hope for harm, but it`s true..We just cant understand sometimes and until we face our own valley, we won`t be able to see..And when that happens, I`m sure you`ll be the first one to let her know that you understand help carry her..You are gonna get better,sis. I think a lot of this is the winter blues. It`s probably a lot better when the sun is shining! It will shine again for you!

The finances, ohhh..Do I ever have experience in that issue..I was thinking about you the other day, I was thinking..You know what she is gonna be just fine..Because it`s not like you NEED a lot.You are wise with your finances and it wont be much different than it has been.Yes, it will be different..But you guys will make it through just fine..Just praise Him through it all. My husband and I have lived this way for quite some time..You never know how things will get paid, But I can testify that They always do! It’s a miracle when you see that..Sometimes He make syou wait, yes, He does..But God is faithful and He does come through! The reason i wrote "Possessing the Promise" is because thats where i believe we have been at as a church and as individuals..While we`re in the Wilderness, we cant grow weary, the Children of Israel were in the wilderness for quite some time..But they had a promise! We need to hold onto those promises! Individual promises and as a Church as the body of Christ we have a Promise! Someday we will be going home, thats our destination..I know you feel weary, but there will be good days coming, Be patient! And it will all come together)! Your daily devotional is beautiful, I couldnt speak it better))! So true! You are in Jesus`s hands just as you`ve been all along! You`re doing just fine..And this valley with the job situation is going to bind you together with other woman in our church who have had to face this crisis also..You`re not alone! I seen it Wednesday at church as a sister that normally doesnt worship much with you , had her arms wrapped begind you and was praying with you! It will bring a closeness with other ladies like never before for you and for them)! I love you! And its gonna be alright! I know you have a closeness with the Lord like never before, and others know that too! I love you,sis..I will keep praying and i am here for you even with all my trials and situations..we are to carry one anothers burdens and i am here! I will be praying for you! Love, SummerRain

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 4:40 PM P.s I wanted to add that i dont think all of this is contributed to the winter blues, but winter blues do make things more difficult. I know its lot of trials an dburdens to bear the reason you are feeling all of this, Kay))! I love you! Summer Rain

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 4:52 PM I know winter blues isn't helping anything, Summer. Things do look better when it's sunny. That's why I try to be "sunny" even when I don't feel "sunny". Just today I had to let some of the stuff that has been bottled up get out. :) Thanks for your encouraging words! :0

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 5:00 PM

Hi you do not know me but I would like to encourage you today.

I have been reading the book conflict-free living by Joyce Meyer and this really helped me...

OUR MODEL If we want to enjoy trouble free, harmonious relationships, we will follow Jesus's example. He was accused of wrongdoing regulary, yet never once did He attempt to defend Himself. He let people think He was wrong, and it did not disturb Him at all.

He could do so because He knew who He was . He did not have aproblem with His self-image. He was not trying to prove anything. He trusted His heavenly Father to vindicate Him, and we can do the same.

Give your need to be right over to God, and watch your relationships improve. You'll discover that great spiritual power is released in unity and harmony. ~ Joyce Meyer, conflict free living

I hope it helps, it helped me to know that I don't have to defend myself from other people and that Jesus is my protector and defender. Psalms 91 is a great verse to read when stuff in life gets to me it is a great reminder.

Take care!

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:31 PM

hey there thanks for ur journal not alot of people express their feelings like that.. i think Jesus will help all of us and i would like to say to those parents or the girls and guys risking to get pregnant if u dont think u can take care of ur child properly then dont risk having any kids at all..  now in days PARENTS even Parents kill their kids..... What in the world is that?? we are here to care and love our kids...


and viola-pansy u will get through this...i promise .. their are rough times but god  won't leave us...

God bless


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Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:50 PM I am sorry to hear you are going through so much!!! I feel you are a very string person and will come out of all this even stronger!!! Love ya!!

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