I have been talking to some of you but I guess it's one of those days that I need to talk and Greg's not available. So...

My faith in God have always been solid in some places but fragile in others.  The one faith that I struggle with is that of God's blessings and just what He can do in my life.  I desire so many things but feel that I can only pick one.  That's a faith in a box.  God can do all things so why can't I believe that holds true to my life?  He knows my desires and wants to bless me but why can't I have faith in that?  I pray but not earnestly like I should.  I see others being blessed and wonder why not me.  Why not us?  It's lack of faith that Greg and I have gotten snared in and we are trying to fight our way out. 

We have some major decisions that have surfaced recently and are trying to find the way to pray and work through them.


#1.  I found out that we qualify for financial aid to send Ethan to a Christian school.  That's huge but yet,  it's still a big sacrifice for us.  We would be taking what little extra money we have and putting into private education.

#2.  We desire a larger home site.  We live in a townhouse that is find but it doesn't have a basement or yard.  We have been content but it's going on 2 years now without a car and we are feeling very trapped, epecially during the winter.  A bigger place would solve some issues.

#3.  I still have a strong desire for another baby.  Greg knows this and is working in his heart and mind.  He does want one but...

#4.  We feel God has called us into full-time youth ministry.  However, Greg still hasn't finished his degree and most churches don't care about experience; they want a piece of paper.  He has 2 years of concentrated Bible (as do I) and 1 year of Lancaster Bible College.  But...we have been overlooked twice now because he doesn't have a full degree.  He can get financial aid but only if he goes either full-time or part-time.  Both of which is impossible with his current job.  He would have to quit his job to do it.


These are things that cost a huge amount of money and our earthly minds feel we need to pick one and that's it.  But how do you chose?  All can be beneficial to our family and future.  But...I also know that our God is so much bigger than us and that He can provide.  We are overwhelmed with that truth because it carries risks and uncertainty for our minds.  Do we pursue just one or two or all?  Or...are we being greedy and using God's blessings?   We haven't been in this type of situation before and we feel lost.  I just want someone to tell us what to do but obviously it's just Greg, me and God.  

I pray yet, don't know how to pray.  I want God's will but to pray that feels like a cop-out.  I pray for these desires but I know my attitude doesn't really believe they can happen.  I am tired of playing this game. 

Thanks for listening.  And if you could pray that faith comes to me like a flood.   

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:44 PM

Hon, just know that sometimes when we feel like decisions are pressing - and we have to DO something...very often the still small voice that is trying to get our attention is telling us to DO nothing.  God has a way of making things happen in spite of us, and when we try to force things, we rush Him.  It's a trick of the enemy to give us anxiety and make us feel as though we have some kind of control. 

Keep praying on your desires, and God will answer you plainly, maybe with a 2x4, when HE's ready to answer you.  Waiting can be the most excruciating part of our walk, but it's often what we are asked to do.

I can totally relate to missing out on job opportunities because of lack of paper, however, I can also tell you that when it's God's plan, that right job is out there because we found it.  Or it found us.  

I can relate to the sacrifice of private school, and I can tell you it's 100% worth it.  100%.

I've lived through a hubby in school full time and not really working, and that is tough. I had no choice but to work full time and put K in day care 3 days a week while hubby was in class.  He played mr. mom on Tues & Thurs.  We did that for 2 years and it wreaked havoc on our marriage.  (me and my big inflated ego and attitude and all)

As for ministry, God WILL bring that to you.  You won't have to go looking for what HE wants you to do. Remember when I was struggling about this church job Greg has now? God literally hit us over the head with it and practically railroaded us into taking this position.  We didn't look for it, we didn't even really WANT it, but here we are.  Making a difference...slowly.  And the money it provides helps us make it.

The baby thing - you're still young...you've got plenty of time. Says the woman who's kids are way too far spaced apart and pregnant at 35.  But God has a plan for that with you guys too.  Just think - if you wait to have another baby until both your boys are in school - how wonderful it will be to have 100% of your time in the day to devote to that new bundle instead of slinging it on your hip while you chase around your other little ones!

And the house...oh I do feel ya there.  I doubt God's going to land a house in your lap when you're not looking - so keep your feelers out there and maybe you'll find the perfect thing.  I pray you find something bigger, cheaper and reasonably convenient with super duper landlords.  I'm sure you'll have to make some compromises to find something you can afford, but it would be better to have the space you need and enough money for school & a little beater car to get you out of the house once in a while than to pay through the teeth for some prissy perfect place.  KWIM?  I pray your tax returns are enough to move forward on that front. (I pray the same for me!) 


No matter what - take deep breaths and rest in Jesus girl.  All this is NOT actually on your plate like you feel it is.  Let God make these decisions for you instead of allowing the enemy to pressure you into taking things into your own hands. 

The peace that passes all understanding actually feels incredibly irresponsible by the world's standards.  But it's the kind of rest that God wants us to live in. 

I love you! 

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 3:45 PM

Kara I understand all of these, all are equally important for different reasons.  I believe the Lord will impress the one(s) that are most important in His eyes and He will give you both a peace and a plan.  Some things depend on other things to take place, so maybe look at it like that..Maybe write all of it out with pros and cons so you can see it all laid out? 

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Feb. 7, 2008 at 7:42 PM I'm praying for you guys. 

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Feb. 20, 2008 at 12:28 AM

One of my favorite ways to boost my Faith is to meditate on ways God came through for me in the past. It reminds me that God is always an On-Time God. His answers to your prayers are never lacking-even when they are answered in a different way than what you expected.

"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…" (Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).

I think it's also wise to seek wise counsel from those you trust and respect. From the outside looking in-my logical thought would be to try and focus on hubby completing his education-hence making it possible to afford the larger home, private education, less financial strain with another baby....however-I'm not there with you and don't know your circumstances.

 What would it take to make that happen and what time frame till he graduates? Is this the direction God is leading your family? I'm not talking ministry-just completing his schooling. If it is-God will help see you through the stress and the financial strain. Who knows what could happen? If there is a church going through a growth spurt in need of an awesome youth leader-maybe they'd be willing to help pay for the education costs while doing ministry part-time. From my experience-whenever I've come to a crossroads and need to make a decision regarding a leap of faith-He wants us to express our complete faith that He'll help us through it without knowing the answer. (and then we'll find out about the job willing to pay for your husband to complete his degree as God reveals His plan). LOL! Isn't that the way it is! Take heart-God is very detail oriented!

There's never a simple answer. Sometimes it's going through the process that we need to learn.

But whatever you decide-keep your focus on Christ.

Matthew 6:33

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I like to think about His kingdom as like a king ruling over his land. In a kingdom-the king has a set way of doing things in his land-for the protection and welfare of his people. In God's kingdom-we are to seek after God's way of doing things. When we do-He will see that our needs are met and "all these things" will be added unto us. Hallelujah!

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