I have come to realize that I am at the lowest point in my life.  I have lost everything-my life as I knew it, my Husband, my best friend, my security, my self-esteem, my self-worth, my trust.  I have never felt worse about myself.  The gut-wrenching pain of him leaving me for someone else is with me every second.  The fact that I didn't matter enough for him to try to work things out is like a cloud over my soul.  I feel like a failure.  He cheated on me, and I feel like I have failed.  I wonder all the time why I wasn't good enough, why he doesn't love me, why my feelings don't matter.  I have spent all of my adult life with him, and the moment he found somewhere else to go, he left. 

The part that is the hardest is that even after all of this pain, betrayal, lying, selfishness, and disrespect, I still love him.  I still miss him every second that he isn't here.  If he came to me right now and told me he wanted to come home, to work it out, and be my husband still, I would welcome him back. 

I hate myself right now, more than I knew was possible.  I wake up in tears, go to bed in tears, and spend most of my daying fighting them off.  I know that my children are suffering, that I am not paying as much attention to them as they need, but I just can't bring myself to do anything about it.  I have never hurt like this in my life.  I never never felt so rejected, so unlovable, so worthless.

I feel lost in this world, like I have no destiny, no purpose, no use.

 I feel alone

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 2:51 PM

It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path. Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass. Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale. We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent. And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness. The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.

Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve.

I am truely sorry for your loss and I cn have empathy toward your feelings, but please sweet lady do let this overcome you so. You are a gift from God and deserve a wonderful life. you are gifted and loving and are loved. It is his loss not yours!

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 3:17 PM

The beautiful part of "LIFE" is that it continuosly moves on...no matter what goes on. I'e been there done that, I have had a person love me unconditionally and left me as fast as lightning! but you know what people come and go, children even come go, family come and go,friends come and go...at the end of the day its about what you feel about yourself...your life doesnt end because he left, it doesnt end when any one leaves, your life is still moving on, another thing is that you have children, and now more than ever you are under the microscope because they are looking at your every reaction your thoughts your feelings and just how your taking things...so you have got to be strong and show them how to pick yourself up after storms."THEY ARE WATCHING YOU KNOW MORE THAN EVER"....and  this is how I look at it, its his lost ...your beautiful, you have your health, you have your sanity, you have your kids...the same way you got him you can get someone even better! You same way you lose your friend you can gain 10 more...don't sweat the small stuff

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Feb. 4, 2008 at 1:05 PM OOHHH honey, I am so sorry your feeling this way, I have been there. The only thing I know to tell you is to pray everyday for God to take this from you, to give you strength to start anew. Try new things and focus on things to make yourself feel better. Pamper yourself when you can and surround yourself with family and real friends! Have you thought of talking to a doc about depression, it is totally possible and understable that you are struggling with it. Once it gets its claws in you, its hard to break free without help. If you havent I encourage to you seek some help to get over the hump (and you WILL I promise)...Good luck your in my prayers:)

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Mar. 28, 2008 at 11:45 AM you are not alone!  there are alot of people in this world who feel exactly the same way.  i am one of them.  we need to stick together and pick each other up.  I know exactly how you feel.  just pray and keep the faith that God has better things in store for you.  You are here for a purpose even if it is just to help someone else like me.  love ya.

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