I thought it was gone.  Then I noticed the tears were lurking in the back of my eyes again.  Just waiting to spring forwards and flow down my cheeks.  The frustration and challenge of stopping the foreclosure on our home took it's toll on me.  However it is saved, thanks to a great company that helped me out.  US Homestead, Bobby McGee.  He was nice and actually cared and told me it was going to be okay.  Finally someone that gave me something positive in my life.  Now that's done I have an informal hearing coming up.  My lawyer said that since my husband killed himself there was no solid evidence from a dr diagnosing my husband with PTSD and they seem not to have any medical records on my husband.  Funny since I know he was seen by a military Dr on base several times.  If they had records, that would be evidence to my case.  My lawyers assistant said they were probably destroyed.  Funny that they can destroy medical records or make them disappear but his regular employment file they still have on base because I got a call one Sunday morning from Iraq.  A gentleman wanted to recruit my husband BACK to work for them.  He went silent when I told him that he had killed himself a year ago.  But they loose medical records and keep old applications.  Yeah right.  So my lawyer said they are going to say that because he was separated from his family, he couldn't control things like he used to, so,  he lost it and that caused a further break down of our marriage and that is why he killed himself.  Sounds lame to me.  Still sounds like PTSD.  Oh and forget the mortar that almost blew him up.  Or the constant headaches he had from then on because of it.  No medical records so it doesn't exist?  Anyone can light a match to a paper that describes a person.  The paper is gone but that person is still there..Again I feel kicked in the teeth.  Denied my widows benefits, I struggle to make ends meet.  If something breaks it has to stay broke.  I can't afford to fix it.  I feel like I am slipping, on the edge of that constant scream.  When will this nightmare ride end?

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