The long and the short of it is that although I thought we had discussed my mother's living with us and that my DH was ok and on board with it- he is DREADFULLY unhappy.  He wants her to leave, but doesn't want to come right out to say it because how can a husband ask his wife to kick her mother out?  He can't win either way.  So, we're all screwed- badly.  I also think that life would be easier if my mom were to move out, but she is such a financial mess that she has nowhere else to go really.  She could go to my aunt's or with my sister- but those options are both very unpalatable.  My sister can't get herself together and, frankly, I'm totally done with her.  My aunt and my grandmother live together and they are those pack-rat, compulsive saver people who you see on Oprah- you know the ones that have paths around their homes because they can't throw anything away. 

My mom had hip replacement surgery because she was involved in a car accident last year and it destroyed her hip.  Unfortunately for her, she has very little money and had saved for being out of work for the surgery, but her car had a major breakdown and took all the $ she had saved for being out of work.  She had the surgery, but is on an unpaid leave.  She had enough to get her through 1 month- then she turned to us to help her with her bills.  In addition to all the extra expenses of having another person live here, and picking up her medication refills when I go to the grocery store, we are tapped out.  We got her through December, but she needs more $ now and we just don't have it to give her.  I feel guilty because I can't accomodate her needs, but also ANGRY because she's put me and my husband in this position.  What kind of a woman just thinks that it's her child's responsibility to do that?  Especially when we've let her live here too.  It's just too much for me.  And, it's KILLING my husband.  And, I can't blame him at all. 

Additionally, my relationship with my brother is finished.  He's been a selfish, little boy dick about the whole thing.  And my mom just drips worry, depression and victim.  I can't stand that.  And I can't stand that this is what my daughter sees and I know this will change and inform her.  I can't stand that either.  This is the crux of the whole issue for my husand - that his people that he loves most in the world are being taken advantage of and that Catie is absorbing the negative energy that my mom exudes.

I'm so upset over this I can hardly see straight.  I know I need to talk to her and I will - I just need to figure out how.  I don't want to go 'postal' all over her- I want to help her to see that she needs to make some serious changes in her life.  But, she's been like this for a long time ( I forogt because it's been so long since I lived with her) and I have some serious concerns that she'll be able to or that she'll want to.

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Comments:

clcol...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 5:07 PM Girl, you and I have a lot in common.... We gonna have to myrtle some more. I feel your pain, I know your pain. I am sending you hugs...

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aggie...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:18 PM I'm sorry to hear your situation....now its my turn to send you hugs....

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krisr169
Feb. 2, 2008 at 7:21 AM That blows!  Especially when it's a parent I think.  Maybe you can get some information together before you talk to her, some housing info or something.  Contact your local social services and see what they offer, maybe housing assistance, something like that.  Is she going to be able to go back to work?  I find that if you have a possible solution in hand first it's easier to get somewhere.  Good luck girl!

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court...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 11:53 AM Thanks Kris!  She's already gone- since Tuesday.  We haven't spoken and I'm not going to initiate any.  I need time to heal and just get my little family back on track.  It's been hard, but cathartic too.  It IS better for us that she's gone- I hope it's better for her too.  She needs to figure it out for herself- you only get one chance at life.

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DiLyFly
Feb. 13, 2008 at 12:41 PM Wow you seem to be going through so much. I really want you to know that you have people here for you. I really don't have any advice but I am a good listener.

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