Please someone tell me what is up seeing white foster parents with black children?  I am not downing them for taking on the responsibility of caring and raising a child that they did not biogical produce but I don't understand a white couple choosing black infants.  Please let me clarify what my experience have been with white parents of black foster children.  So far I have seen that most have been newborns which is understandable if you want a newborn on there is not a white newborn child available.  However that being said what I struggle or rather cannot understand at all is that all your friends are white, your extended family is white, you totally ignore and refuse to befriend anyone that is black.  So why do you have a black foster child?  And I know of an instance where not only does this couple have one black child that they got as a infant but they went and got another; black infant foster child.  What's the point?  The skin color is major when you consider that being raised by white people that only associate themselves with white or anything but black people is a problem because what about when that child develops a crush or eventually when they are old enough who will they date?  If your family and friends feel like you they will not want their child or children dating someone that is black even if their parents are white.  Maybe if social status and money is pretty good they might but here in Oregon and I know Oregon is not the only racist state but it is the most racist state I have lived in and I have lived in three counting Oregon.  The state of Washington (city of Seattle), Texas (which I was born and lived in a few places within the state), and last, least and most frustrated Oregon (which I have lived in Corvallis, Albany, Monmouth, Salem and Independence).  And I have seen this in a few places that I have lived here and the white people that have these black children turn up their noses at me or pretend not to see me.  Most recently I saw a young black girl with a white woman and she had a strange look in her eyes and her eyes followed me as I walked through the store and it bothered me because I wondered what that was about?  At the church I went to for five years the pastor had to publicly on a Sunday morning address the racism at the church and go on record that him and his wife were not like that and that they previously pastored a church of many ethnicities I think in the city of Chicago (someone had wrote a letter addressing the fact that a few blacks had come to the church and that was just not acceptable).  Now there was more than one couple that had  black foster children and I can tell when someone does not want to be bothered nor associated with me and it was pretty obvious that the white foster parents of black children did not want to have no dealings with the blacks that came to that church.  Further more after five years of faithful attendance we (my family) never befriended by any of the whites in that church beyond the church walls; except two white ladies: one that wanted me to babysit her adopted teenage son that she could not control and the second which was a single parent of a teenage son also that used us and never paid us back.  Please ladies I need to weigh in on this and share your experience and comments.  By the way we no longer attend that church, excellent pastor and wife but you cannot make people follow where they don't want to go!!!

Add A Comment


Feb. 1, 2008 at 5:12 PM ummm.  our family has taken in foster children for ten years now...never once have we asked what color the child is when they phone and need placement ...i can't imagine asking " what color is it" children are placed in these homes because thats where the need is filled.....check into your area maby there are no black homes available for these children

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 1, 2008 at 5:17 PM I am really tired of everything being blamed on racism.  Has it ever occured to you that these people just love kids?  Maybe it's not the color of the person that they don't want to associate with, it's the calliber.  If they really had a problem with black people, they would not take in black children.  Some people don't just look at skin color.

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:17 AM Wow - I agree with Tiffany002 - my hubby & I have parented over 20 children at some point in time during the past 29 years, cinluding 13 foster kids...not once did we ever ask the ethnicity of the kids.  I am white, he was Samoan, our 3 oldest are half n half, the youngest 2 are relative adoptions who are Samoan/Black; there are several other who are either informally adopted or just call me mom, one is white, one Mexican and one black.  I've endured rude comments from ignorant people wanting to know why all my kids are "colored"...........funny, we're all colored, my color just happens to be lighter than my kids......

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:20 AM well i personal don't see anything wrong with  white people adopting black way to many black kids out here in foster care or need to be adopted . so if a white person want to adopt let them do.

Message Friend Invite

Feb. 2, 2008 at 2:03 AM

Thank you for your comment.  It is in the majority and of course it can see only one way.  I am quite used to that.  People that do not empathize nor understand, nor try to understand or see any other way but their way.  I have seven brothers and four sisters and when I got involved with a white man the things that were said were ugly.  I did not judge but tried to understand why they were stuck and just could not be happy for me.  I could not change anyone but those that saw the demonstration of love between the two of us and realized that this was the best relationship I had ever had put away their racists thoughts and comments and accepted George and I did not do or say anything to change their mind but they saw our struggles and our determination to make it work and they realized that he was not the slave owner of the past decades but a man that had to experience racial rejection just as if he were born black.  You can see things your way, one way and you can weigh in and not empathize but in so doing you are no different from all the racists (black, white and otherwise) that declare that they are not but they demonstrate in action that they are.  Love from the that's trying to lift the bar and celebrate with those that celebrate and mourn with those that mourn and that is not a color.


Hollering at ya!!!!

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Feb. 8, 2008 at 7:47 AM

I believe that with infants, we do have to consider something else - the adoptive parents do not traditionally choose the baby.  The bio-mom chooses THEM from a group of profiles.  I have a friend who has 3 kids - one who is multi-racial, one who is white, one who is black. 

When we started fostering to adopt, I asked for biracial or black children because our family is very diverse and I a multiracial.  I felt like a black child would be more comfortable.  Turns out we've only had white children (like white white - so white you can see the blue under the skin) one who had flaming red hair.  The meth epidemic in ATL has gotten so bad that there aren't really any black kids who aren't placed in a foster home.  My current two kids have siblings in other homes.  They were also raised from infant in a home where the foster mom is Jamaican.  The last two have a foster mom who is black and they've lived with her for YEARS. 

It turns out the agency chose US for these kids because we were multi-ethnic enough to be fine with white kids who didn't know they were white.  The last two (who went back to their mom) had met other adoptive families who turned them down because they "talked black."  The whole system is ridiculous only because so much emphasis is placed on race in this country. 

Message Friend Invite

Mar. 13, 2008 at 8:58 PM I agree with you. I see white parents with nappy headed black kids all the time and i want to scream at them comb their hair!!!! and for gods sake put some lotion on those ashy elbows

Message Friend Invite

Apr. 3, 2008 at 10:16 PM I just wanted to say that we are those "white foster parents with black kids".  Not all white homes with black kids are bad (just like not all white homes with white kids are good).  We adopted 3 AA boys.  We have been foster parents for 9 yrs and we adopted our boys 1.5 yrs ago.   The twins will be 5 in May and the oldest is 10 months older.  When we were approached with the placement, we did not even know their race until after we had agreed.  They chose us because only 3 black homes would consider them and of those 3, only 1 would consider keeping the boys together.  In that home, the mom was expecting her first baby in a matter of weeks (the boys were 2 and 3 at the time).  As for the whole thing on only hanging out with white people, well, yeah, all my family is white (except my neice who is Hispanic).  However, we have made a point to make friends that are black and have even gone to all black churches with the boys (we put ourselves in a position of a minority for their well being-it was good for them to see black, godly men as we did not know any at that time-we do now have several black and mixed race families at our church-or soon to be church).  Also, we have put our house on the market and are moving to a more culturally diverse neighborhood for that very reason.  My dh is a police officer and there are several black and mixed race couples there and several of them have boys the same age as ours.  We have sought out black men (since we have boys) that are positive role models and can give our boys a way to see what amazing, black men are like.  We do meet people who have the same intrests we do (i.e-our church, the police dept, etc), I am not meeting people just so I can say I have a black friend.  I have actually found more racism regarding our boys from the black community than from the white.  In fact, at Payless, a black woman cussed my dh and I out in front of our kids and refused to sell shoes to our "cracker children".  She accused us of "messin with the brotherhood"-all I can say is Whatever!  I do understand that race will be important because they will look different, esp as they get older and start dating, etc.  However, I would argue that a family of a different color is much better than none at all.  If my "white" kids were in foster care, I would definately prefer them to be placed together in a black, Hispanic, whatever home than to separate them so they can be in white homes.  As for the "white parents with nappy headed black kids"-I use a thick lotion mixed with vaseline all over their bodies and they do not have an ashy spot on their gorgeous little bodies!  I also keep their hair cut and lotioned as well to keep it soft and not all broken.  This was all because of a dear woman who happens to be black who gave me "AA skin care 101".  My boys know they are loved and are a very special part of our family and even though we may look different, we are ALL important and play a very unique role in our family.  I wish that for EVERY kid in foster care-black, white, Hispanic, Asian, whatever they may be.  I hope people will look beyond the race and see the child within and not be afraid to give that child what they really need-a family! 

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in