Again let me start off by saying thank you to everyone that prayed for us.  I was shaking in my boots...

We prayed in the car b4 going in and I felt like I had the Holy Spirit's armor on me... 

We showed up 25 mins early and went inside...and went to our room to wait. 

9am our attorney shows up....the ex and his don't....finally at 9:30 we are informed that my ex was pissed off that my husband was there and wasn't going to show himself.  Then he changed his mind and said he would be late....which he was.  I thought this would be to my favor but it wasn't...the mediator was pissed my husband was there SHE KNEW AND THE OTHER PARTY WERE INFORMED A MONTH AGO.  

For starters I had to get permission for DH to come.  I'm sorry but being in a Christian marriage I don't go anywhere or make decisions w/o.  This didn't seem to set well with HER (the mediator)  

She says please come to my office and we'll talk first.  Thought that was great ...she then drilled me and let me have it for moving. I told her I was forced to move when I remarried.  She said I was vindictive with how far.  I told her I have a 60 mile radius and I moved 27.  If I was going to be vindictive I would have moved 60.  SHe said a judge would chew me out and now I needed to compensate their father.  I held my composure the whole time she DRILLED me.  My attorney told me I did the best he had seen....which i'm sure he says to everyone.  When it was done I went back to my room and waited....over a hour (we were worried) the mediator came back and presented me his offer. 
Stars shot to my eyes and I felt my face turn red.  I was so angry at what I was seeing....DID I MENTION MY EX IS AN ATTORNEY HIMSELF?  I was scared to go before him in a mediation since he does this for a living....He can convince a jury that a pile of manure is really flowers...how do i know?  B/c I've seen him 'in action'....

The settlement was not in my favor.  He wanted to drop my childsupport by 700 a month.  I said but i neogiated in the divorce for higher if i gave him my share of our stocks.  she said he played you...he knew he could come later and ask the courts to follow standard support and you would lose.  sorry!  too bad....

then told me that the visitation should be accepted b/c in front of a judge i would lose more visitation b/c i moved.  

i lost every spring break

i lost the 4th weekend of the month if there isn't 5 weekends in it

I have to drive the kids to his office every friday

i have to drive the kids to his office every tues for dinner with him

i have to lose the kids on christmas morning at 10 and not see them again until the day b4 school starts

i get 4 weeks in the summer and when he has them he gets to provided child care.  if i want them i can be at his work everyday at 8am and return them to his office by 5 (understand this is far from me)

and i had to not pursue property awarded to me in the divorce that he has never paid in return for him not to drop my childsupport....

i would have lost my child support and more visitation (father's have more rights now) if I went b4 a judge...

 

AS FOR THE BIGGEST SHOCK TO ME

The mediator told me how i should feel lucky to get to be a SAHM...i said i know I am....and that this was my full time job.  I didn't need a decree to do this *she made a comment about me not finishing school*  

then she said how she didn't stay home and her daughters were probably better ppl b/c of it.  then said something about me having a lot of time in the day  with kids in school. and i said well i could home school them

SHE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WAS SPRAYING ACID ON HER AND SAID IF THAT EVER HAPPENED I WOULD LOSE CUSTODY OF MY KIDS.  That the courts look at parents home schooling as harming their children and would lose them?  HARMING MY CHILDREN BY EDUCATING THEM???? What kind of world is this?  

I wanted out of there and didn't say what a moron she was.....

YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH NARROW MINDED FEMINIST DEMOCRAT!

I'm upset with the outcome.  I feel my ex once again got something and gave nothing.  He sued us for no reason other than I remarried.  

I want to be angry so angry...that once again my ex won.  he won in the divorce and he is still winning....What is the justice in this?  What is the justice in giving the ex what he wants ...anytime he wants...?   

They say it's in the best interest of the children?  Well my heart goes out when I have to break the news that they see him more than they want too.   I cried when I held them today.... 

 

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Comments:

starm...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:16 PM I am so sorry that things did not go your way... can u put up a fight against it? Your ex sounds like a jerk.

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aggie...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:19 PM

Not enough money or law to stand behind me for us to win...I'm told we should be lucky or we would lose more in the courts....mediation at least you can have a say in what happens....

 

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mom2s...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 7:29 PM

Can the kids say that they don't want to be around him? They are old enough to express their concerns, but then again...they may twist it around. This situation just flat out SUCKS! I am so sorry this happened and things didn't go the way they SHOULD have (damn idiots). I can tell you as a fact, the more your ex hurts you like this and tries to pull your kids away from you...the more they will be resentful towards him and not want to be in his life when they have a say in the matter.

NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU BUT......

Do you guys have a gun in the house? Your ex seems unstable and very much the type that kills their ex wife. Be safe. Look for warning signs and tell your husband to be more alert, too.

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Brend...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 8:42 PM

wow. the above comment was scary.

 i am so sorry it didnt work out.  youre ex sounds like he is jealous of your life or something, so he is going to try to hurt you as much as possible. what a jerk. and that stupid feminist chick....dont get me started. since WHEN does homeschooling HARM children!?? thats got to be the most stupid thing i have EVER heard.  anyway, i will continue to pray for you guys. and your ex will get his, dont worry

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momne...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 8:58 PM

Oh my friend, I am so so so sorry.  I'm sure that you heart is aching right now...I'm sure is has about this whole thing for a long time now.  Be strong!  YOU ARE STRONG!  And YOU will make it to the other end of this whole ordeal!

Your children know how much you love them...that is what is important here.  Hug them tight, Hug them often!

And btw...you know that your children are very blessed to have the security of a stay at home mother!

I'm here if you need me!  Please remember that!

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court...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:00 PM

Ok- wow.  Holy crap.  I'm crying for you.  He is a complete and total fucktard.  WOW.  I'm going to need to spend some time conversing in my way with the universe or whatever the hell I believe........I believe in justice and you need some.............I am so devastated for you- I can't imagine how you're feeling.  Such bullshit.  The gun thing- please don't dwell on that- you're having a tough enough time today.  I need more time to think and give you better advice- tonight all I've got is empathy.  Love from PA-lots of love-

Court

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aggie...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:26 PM I know mom2sophia means well and its something that i asked myself years ago....but sadly he's too much a pussy to hurt me physically...just emotionally and financially!  blah

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dovet...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:52 AM

I just got your messages and read this - I'm SO sorry!  I don't know what I can say to encourage you - other than just to say he will get his some day. 

Is there a way to ask for a do-over with a different mediator? 

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clnease
Feb. 2, 2008 at 6:47 AM

I am sorry you are being hurt- and I am sorry your children are having to see someone they don't want to see- provided that is their true feelings & not them just trying to protect you. (Sorry- my mom was a "typical divorcee" in that she tried to poison my sis & I against my sis's father. Absolutely no disrespect meant towards you!)
We were told by the court person (late 1970's) that we had to visit until we were "of age of majority" (12 years old) and then we could tell the judge we didn't want to see one parent, or live with the other-- but in front of both parents!

On one hand it is good that fathers are having more rights now-a-days, on another- it should count AGAINST him that he is an attorney and knows how to play the system-- he should already have it counted against him like a handicap!
But remember when you say that you only moved 27 miles?  If this is far for you to drive- it is far for him as well...  It has to go both ways to be fair.

All I can say is- divorce sucks... but I guess it was better than them staying together, or any of the ones after that...  My sister got to live with her father- but I had to stay with the mother because I didn't know who my father was until I was an adult, and her father couldn't take me no matter how much he wanted to.

I don't know if the "Age of majority" still stands- but you could look into it-- thankfully, your family seems MUCH different than mine... Good Luck!
C

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evasm...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 7:45 AM I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been keeping you in thought and prayer when I get a free second. Just know that God is watching over you and this situation and He WILL protect you and your family. Know that everything happens for a reason and sometimes we just don't understand why we must go through hell in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I personally do not find it fair that you were treated this way. The court systems are horrible and biased, and I think they were favoring your ex because he is a lawyer. But, put this all in God's hands for He will provide you with your desires. (((HUGS))) I'll be thinking of you.

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