Well, we're just about there.  RP has been down to only one nursing session for over a week (almost 2) and this week I've been cutting his time back each night.  Tonight, he was only "allowed" 2 minutes per side and then I took him into his room and rocked him for a little while before putting him in his crib.  I don't know if I'll cut the nursing out completely tomorrow night or if I'll wait until Sunday night, but allowing him to nurse for 1 minute per side just seems silly to me.

I'm slightly apprehensive about his reaction when he doesn't get his BOOB at night.  I know he'll fuss and cry and not want to rock for the first few nights.  I've been missing the closeness of lying down with him and napping or just snuggling while he nurses. But at the same time, it's been nice to get dressed in the morning without having to think about "easy access" for nursing him.  The whole process has been admittedly easier than I thought it was going to be.  The first few days when I cut out the morning nap boob was the worst ... after that he's been more or less accepting of the fact that he has to drink more whole milk (or eat cheese or yogurt) and boob has been less and less a part of his life.  He hasn't gone searching for it after the first few days and our nap routine has become easier ... he's also dropped one nap and we've adjusted his morning nap a bit later so it comes in the middle of the day.  Even better, he's sleeping for at least an hour and a half and more usually two hours at a shot for each nap.

I'm slightly resentful at my health issues that are forcing me to force weaning on him instead of allowing him to self-wean.  But the pain every day has become too much to bear on just one medication for pain and one medication for depression.  All of my fibro symptoms are back full-force and every day life just to take care of ME has become more difficult.  Taking care of my son always comes first (and thus I haven't been keeping to my schedule of taking pain meds to stave off pain very well) and that takes all of my stamina, energy and concentration right now.  I know that when I get back on my medications I will be a better mommy because I will be in less pain.  I will have more patience since I'll be able to move more freely.  With better sleep, at least on an occasional basis, I'll be more rested and have more energy to play.  I have felt stuck between a rock and a hard place for months because I want to do what's best for my little guy and trying to figure out what's best has been difficult.  My preference would be to allow him to self-wean - even if that took almost 24 months - since there's still benefit in breast milk to him.  But it's past time to take care of me so I can take better care of him.

Overall, I feel accomplished that we're on the precipice of stopping nursing.  I know that I have nursed far longer than the "average" mother does in this country ... whatever the term "average" means.  I have made sacrifices to give my son the best start in life that I could for as long as I could.  I have had a number of people tell me that they wouldn't have been able to continue nursing as long as I did given my health issues, like I'm some kind of martyr or heroine.  But strangely, I don't feel like either role fits me.  I'm just a woman and a mommy who loves her son to pieces, and who somewhat mourns the loss of that ongoing connection that breastfeeding fosters.

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