Well, today is the first day of February.  That means we're 11 months closer to the New Year, again.  I can't believe how fast time has flown by.  I think back and I begin to wonder if things will ever slow down.  I feel like a chicken with its head cut off sometimes.  I'm just pondering...

This all began with my husband.  I waited 28 years of my life to find the "One" and I am so happy to have him in my life.  He was definitely worth the wait as I was beginning to think the "One" had died somewhere in France.  LOL  

We decided to wait on children.  Actually, we didn't want any until our "unexpected blessing" came to us.  My Brandon is my world.  He is my rock and if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd be in the frame of mind I am in now.  God definitely knew what he was doing with this one.  :)  I still can't believe we celebrated his first birthday last month.  It's like I blinked and he's walking and jibber jabbering.  

Then, my Gabriel... my angel.  He was too precious to stay on Earth, but God gave me and Michael the opportunity to meet him.  That whole experience definitely brought Michael and I closer.  Not that we weren't close before, but we were pretty much at a stand still with working full time and playing mommy and daddy.  We didn't have "us" time.  Gabriel gave us that time, however brief it was.  

My parents weren't really "parents" to me and my brothers.  They were busy trying to provide physically.  There weren't there emotionally for me and brothers.  Things have definitely changed.  Since the birth of Brandon, they have become more parents to Brandon than anything and we appreciate that so much.  I really don't know what I would do without them now.  Fortunately, my mom lost her job right around the time Brandon was born.  She has been my babysitter and my support.  She recently exhausted her unemployment and asked me what she should do because she had no means to pay for her condo.  This has given me and Michael a chance to repay her for everything she's done so far.  We  had been paying her to babysit Brandon, but now we can do more for her.  My dad, who is the most pessimistic person in the world, is so positive and happy when Brandon is around.  We may not have the perfect family, but we're pretty happy.

I also thank God for my brother, Jimmy.  He's been through so much with my ex's (another long story which we'll save for another journal) and yet he still has the same love from me since he was born.  He sacrafices so much for me and I hope that he finds the same happines that I have right now.

To wrap things up, yes... I have to make up 32 hours of missed time from work.  Yes, I have a month left to pack and move back to my parents (which includes cleaning up my other brother's messy room that he left behind when he signed up for the Army).  Yes, I still have to play wife and mommy in my current apartment.  Yes, I have to sell a whole lot of stuff to make room for our things at my parents' house.  Yes, we have to look for  single family  home as 5 adults, 1 baby and a Siberian Husky cannot live in a 2 bedroom condominium.  Yes, I lost my second baby, but in the most loving way.  Yet... I am at peace and so happy.  What a beautiful life I have.  Seriously, I have always wanted to live my life with no regrets and I feel as though I have reached a sense of what that feels like.  Life is definitely good!   

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 9:41 PM

Very happy to see that you're holding up ok. My mom changed drastically since my son was born. She's so different I don't even know who she is anymore. I thought she was so mean to both me and my sister when we were growing up. I guess parents grow up too.

You are a very good daughter and I'm sure your parents appreciate you a great deal. Like you I hang on to my son as a great blessing and everyday seems just a little bit better than the last.

Try to get some rest, take your vitamins and take care. I'll be talking to you soon.


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Feb. 2, 2008 at 2:40 PM It's really good that everything is working out for you. It is so sad that bad things happen to good people. I wish you and your family the best.

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Feb. 3, 2008 at 1:57 PM I'm glad to see your recovery and outlook on life is so good after all you've been through.  God is always there and I know He's with you during all this, just as he's always been.

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