I remember being a teenager, full of life without an ounce of fear in my body. I did anything , thinking I was invincible. Tattoo's , Piercings , Drugs , Heck I even slept in bed with a meth lab on the night stand. Now as a very young 22 year old women I realized I'm even afraid to talk in the library too loud , I hardly venture beyond my front door , afraid that Lord forbid someone might look at me , I'm afraid of judgement , rejection , I even backed out of having my cervix shown shut - something that would save my babies life because of fear. I think I even fear - fear. Is there something about growing up that makes you realize that the stove is hot ? Is there something that grows inside of us that makes us realize that hey , things will hurt , people are bad , you could get in serious trouble for your actions? But when does fear start ruling your life? Is it possible to be safe yet fearless at the same time?

I don't know what's happened to who I am as a person in the past couple of years. I'm not the same vibrant , fearless , out going girl I use to be. Theres consequences and I think I've finally realized that , but to fear that? I don't like it one bit.

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 9:54 PM When I was in high school, I used to hang out downtown all the time. I'd go to clubs alone and meet up with my friends wherever. I'd spend countless hours with other "street kids" at clubs and coffee houses scamming free food or drinks even though I was underage. I used to walk alone down empty alleys passing panhandlers, drug addicts, rats , etc. without an ounce of fear. Whenever I couldn't make it home, I would go with whoever had a car and spend the night at the homes of people I had only just met. Sometimes, I would sleep on a bench or in an alley. I don't remember how old I was or why it happened but all of a sudden I was walking alone in the middle of the night and I felt afraid. It was like I just woke up and realized the kitten I was petting was actually a lion. When I think about the things I did, I'm grateful nothing ever happened to me. When I think about my kids doing those things I want to cry. It is the nature of youth to be fearless. It is the duty of wisdom to see fear, know it and persevere despite it.

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