Okay it’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit down and write this out but here it goes. My birth did not go the way I had hoped. Saturday night (January 12th) I started noticing the Braxton hicks contraction I had been having on and off for a couple of weeks getting really intense while I was visiting my grandmother and doing laundry. She told me I was probably going into labor but I didn't believe her because I thought that "real" contractions would be much more painful. The next afternoon I was still having them and I noticed a little light bleeding which a friend of mine assured me was fine since I wasn't having any "real" contractions yet. I spent the afternoon vacuuming my house compulsively and then decided I needed to stock-up on groceries while my fiancé was at work. So I went to the store and walked around for about three hours. There the contractions became really intense (enough to make my double over from time to time) but still not "painful". Once I got home I noticed that I was having more bleeding so I called my fiancé and asked him to come home from work. Then I called my midwife and she told me to start timing the contractions and call her back. At that point noticed they were about seven minutes apart so I called her back and she suggested I try and relax and take a bath and so if that helped. Which it did for a while and slowed the contractions down to every ten minutes. I tried to sleep but couldn’t and by 4am they were closer together and getting more intense and painful so me and Ray decided to call the midwife to meet us at the birthing center. It took us about 45 minutes to get there but we were both just so excited and Ray held my hand through all the contractions. When we got there my midwife checked me and I was already dilated to a five so I went ahead and called my best friend and my mother. Me and Ray talked and joked between contractions which kept getting stronger so we all thought things would move along pretty quickly. I tried a coupe of different positions but I was starting to have a hard time with the pain and about an hour later just before my friend Amber arrived I started vomiting between every few contractions so I didn’t have much time to rest in between them.  I tried getting in the tub to help with the pain, which it did, but I still kept throwing up so they decided to put me on an IV of fluids, so I didn’t dehydrate. After a few hours had passed the midwife checked me again but I had only dilated to a six. I was getting exhausted and having a hard time dealing with the intensity of the contractions and still throwing up in between. So they were finally able to get me some Zofron to stop the vomiting. I still wasn’t dilating even though we tried laboring in various positions and the contractions were very irregular some every two minutes, some six, some ten. So we discussed it and decided to go ahead and break my water to try and get things going. However after an hour I was still only dilated to six with incredibly intense but still irregular contractions. At this point my midwife was concerned and talking about transferring me to a hospital. By then I was so exhausted I felt like I just couldn’t take it any more, but I wanted to try. I couldn’t stop crying at the idea of going to a hospital but the midwife insisted that she had done all she could and I wasn’t progressing even though it was going on over twenty hours. So a few minutes later we arrived at the hospital and got into a room. The contractions were getting closer together again but I was still at six. The doctor suggested trying pitocin saying it was the only alternative to a c-section which really pissed me off so I spoke with my midwife when she left the room and she helped calm me down and explained that since I was so exhausted and upset it might be best foe me so get an epidural so I could get some rest from the contractions. She also said that the pitocin would help me to dilate so I could still have a vaginal delivery. The reason I was not progressing was because even though I was having strong contractions they were uneven due to the fact that I had a heart shape uterus (I don’t remember what that is called) which  didn’t know would cause that to happen and apparently it doesn’t always but it was with me. So I agreed because I honestly didn’t think I could take it any more and I was about to pass out from the pain and exhaustion. I got the epi (WHICH SUCKED can you imagine someone asking you to be perfectly still so they can stick a needle in your back, while your in the middle of a contraction) but afterwards I was so relieved and able to relax. I could still feel the contractions, but they were no longer painful and hey became really regular and close together once I got the Pitocin. After about thirty minutes I began to feel this huge urge to push. I told the nurses and they checked me and said I was dilated to nine and to not push yet. After they left the urge became so strong to push so I began screaming for the nurse and doctor to get there asses in there because I was about to start pushing with or without them in there. They checked again and again told me to wait and we argued for a minute but then they said ok you’re at ten so begin pushing. I pushed and pushed and they said I was doing well but every time I stopped the head would slide back in. At that point however was feeling really strong again ad was ready to push all night if I had to but then they aid the babies heart rate was dropping and they wanted to do a c-section. I told them no I wanted to try and push again because I felt like I was really close so they put e on oxygen and  I  tried pushing again but they said it wasn’t working and her heart rate was still fluctuating. So by then Ray was getting scared and telling me we needed to get the baby out, so I agreed even though I was crying. They began to prep for the c-section but I told the nurse I still wanted to try and she told me to go ahead and try to push while they were getting ready if I really thought I could, so I just kept on pushing which I could tell was really annoying the doctor but I did not care. I pushed until they rolled me into the hall to the operating room. That’s when I realized that Ray was not there and began calling for him, but the told me he would be there later and I began to cry again. I don’t remember much after that except that everyone seemed to be very rude and annoyed with me. Then Ray was there holding my hand and I feel asleep until I heard the baby cry I woke up for a second and asked if she was alright. They said she was and then I passed out. When woke up an hour later I asked to see her but they said no so I just laid there and cried some more. Everything had gone the opposite of what I had wanted no matter how hard I tried. Ray came in to check on me and I told him to go back and stay with the baby like we had discussed.  He did after he assured me she was fine and he made sure they did not give her the eye ointment like we had discussed and he told them I was wanting to breastfeed. He brought her to me as soon as they said it was okay and as soon as I saw her, nothing else about the day seemed to matter anymore. I tried to feed her right away and she latched right on like a pro, it was beautiful.  Healing from the caesarian has been really hard I can’t understand how anyone would sign up for one voluntarily, that just seems sick to me. I couldn’t even get out of bed to lift my baby for two days and I am still having a hard time moving around two weeks later .At least I    do feel like I did everything could and at least my baby is healthy and doing well. I love her so much more than I thought was possible.

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Comments:

tccro...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:50 PM I had a similar experience, except I had an emergency section because I fell.  Nothing went like I wanted it to but my little girl wouldn't b/f either; they started pumping formula down her throat.  Glad everything turned out ok!  I don't get these people that do it voluntarily either. 

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racha...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:08 PM Congrats on the new baby, and I'm so sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted.  You really did try so hard, though.  Try to relax as much as you can and heal.  Don't be afraid to ask people to do things for you.

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count...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:19 PM been there.  My first baby was scary.  Tell u that story some day.  Both girls i had were c-sections.  u will heal nicely.  Glad u both are ok!!

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weaze...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:47 PM Oh that's horrible. I'm sorry. I wonder if the head kept going back in because you were pushing uphill? Sorry that the doctors were jerks! Ugh.

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supah...
Feb. 6, 2008 at 10:09 AM Oh!  I'm sorry your experience was not what you were hoping for!  Your baby is beautiful and healthy.  and you did a great job no matter what momma!!

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Paris...
Jun. 30, 2009 at 3:19 PM

You are a very brave Woman, Congratulations you became a mother and that is what matters.

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