I like to think I am not a grouchy person.  But I am.  I can be.  Sometimes I even EnJOY it when I in a foul mood.  I don't try to make others feel bad, I just like being disagreeable and usually end up cracking myself up in the process until neither me nor Ron take my grouchy ass self seriously.

 I am often grouchiest and most disagreeable online.  On IM to be exact.  I log on.  A friend sees my screename, says HI and I feel it:  the urge to write back

okay

just okay?

i guess

what's up?

i am SO tired

can you get your mom to watch her?

No. 

can ron watch her?

he's at work

i could watch her

that's okay.

maybe your sister?

she's in class

how about ron's mom?

Are you insane? 

These days my grouchiness often crops up when discussing some type of baby related topic.  More often than not it relates to the demands having a nine month old has made on my social life.  My friends friends, while sympathetic, are for the most part, without children.  And while just a year ago I was talking about how I couldn't wait to be able to get up the energy to "go out again after the baby  is born", now I have settled into a groove.

It's a baby groove.

 And sometimes I wish the record would skip and I'd get to go out, too.

But I am finding I am not really interested in that.  Which is completely crazy to me.  Ron and I began as a bar hook up.  Granted, we knew each other for over a year before the actual hook up,  but we basically began on a very warm Memorial Day that has--delightfully--lasted nine years.  I can't even begin to fathom how many tabs we've settled, how many sunrises have risen overhead as we return home to sleep until 2.  Before we had car payments and bills coming out of our ears Ron would spend 200 dollars on dinner.  We would go up to the beach for the afternoon and stay the weekend just because.  And I miss it.  But I do not want it back.

I have grown to crave the quiet after Katia has been tucked into her crib.  I find comfort in turning down the lights at 6:15 so that our apartment glows and calms by the time 7:30 rolls around.  If the laundry is done and the dishwasher is empty, I glow too.

 That is not to say I don't need breaks.  Sometimes I want to melt I am so tired. 

 But I do not mind staying in.  I like it. 

I don't think my friends believe me.  Maybe that is why I place a spikey, grouchy wedge into our conversations.  I wish I could articulate it better to them.  No, I do not need to get a drink.  Nope, I am fine not meeting everyone at 11.  Thanks, but I do not want to get a babysitter when I have been at work all day. 

No, I do not think my friends believe me.

But it's true.

 

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Comments:

jenny...
Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:13 PM I couldn't agree more.

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ksfan
Feb. 2, 2008 at 8:12 AM Well said! Ours began as a bar hook up as well.....

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