Guinhyvar's Journal

You Sure You Wanna Go There...?

You know when you just have a crap day? When everything seems alright in your world, and yet, eight hours later you're sitting there going, what the bloody hell? Who's Wheaties did  I  piss in?

Yeah, that was today.

I mean, this whole past week hasn't exactly been stellar, what with sick kids and all, but nothing I couldn't handle. I have this cold and cough thing that's kinda dragging me down, but really, not a huge deal. But today... I coulda gone without today. Really.

And the bitch kitty is that yesterday, we had a good day. Good things happened that I thought (silly me for being optimistic) boded well for our future. Yup, I was actually excited there, for a few hours, thinking that we had made some positive strides forward.

Alas, there was a hitch. There's always a hitch.

And today, my good news was debunked, and my positive stride forward was more like a stumble-bumble-thump, and here I am, whining about it. It just means that tomorrow I have to get up and dust myself off and TRY AGAIN but damn... I am so tired.

I'm not a victim; I get that. The mistakes that put us here are OUR mistakes, and I take responsibility for that. Yet, how long til we can put it behind us? It's not like we committed a crime. It's not like we did anything WRONG. We had a bad year; we had a rough month; we made a bad choice... and it happend SO FAST. Four years later, we're still haunted by it. We're still paying for it. So how long? And why does climbing out have to be SO MUCH HARDER than falling in? WHY does it have to be so freaking difficult to fix it?

The really ironic part is that being honest gets you no where in this situation. Would you believe that me being HONEST was actually the hitch that debunked our positive stride forward? No, really.

I'm just really tired.

I need a break.

I need today to be over, and tomorrow to be better.


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Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:49 PM

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 10:51 PM I pray that things go better for you tomorrow :)

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Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:21 PM

being honest can be a kick in the ass.  how crazy is that when it's what we are taught to do?

sending you good ju ju for days and days...

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:02 PM

"And why does climbing out have to be SO MUCH HARDER than falling in? WHY does it have to be so freaking difficult to fix it?"

After asking myself this many, many times, I guess that therein ^ lies the reason. Guess we are suppose to learn a lesson?

Take care, you. Feel better soon and don't be too hard on yourself.

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