He chose me.  We learned to love eachother in nine short months together.  Working together through the night he finally made his entrance into this world in the comfort of our home....John and I were so proud and excited to meet him.

Into the bath we went....minutes old, he was given to me as I warmed myself in the tub just across the hall.  His tiny little body in my arms stretched out in front of me so that I could get a good look at him, study every feature.  His eyes...I'll never forget those eyes.  They found my face...slowly, my eyes....we locked in that moment in time for eternity, just he and I....mother and son....first beginnings....together, swaying peacefully in the gentle warm water....just him and I...noone else existed in that moment.  It is this moment I choose to cling to tonight.  

He's now snug in his own bed in another town just north of here.  He's a grown young man of eighteen years....so handsome, so strong, so fragile, so vulnerable....all of these things, "Mom, do you think I'm ready?"

Furniture all arranged, food for months in the cupboards....mother knows best....I took great care making his bed down the hall in his new apartment....even hangings on each side...perfect hospital corners....extra fluff and love packed into each pillow that his beautiful face will rest against at night.....in another town....not upstairs....in another town. 

Tomorrow is a new day.....this pain will subside.....it has to......Your future is so bright and full of promise and wonder....my fine young son.....this spring board is my gift to you.......You are my son, my heart.


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Feb. 1, 2008 at 11:53 PM     you sound like a very proud momma!!! god bless you both

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Feb. 7, 2008 at 1:02 AM i cried reading that. i dread the day my 9 month old grows up.

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Feb. 9, 2008 at 2:00 PM What a lovely thing to say about your son. It was beautiful. You seem to have a nice family.

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May. 11, 2008 at 3:11 PM My kids know they can stay with me forever!  WHAAAAAAAHHH!  I can't even begin to imagine the day that they are not under my roof.  I don't want to, but I suppose I'll have to eventually.  My oldest is 12 and suddenly 6 years doesn't seem to be that long at all!  How do you do it?

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May. 30, 2008 at 12:33 AM omg this has got me crying! Your son is very lucky to have such a caring and loving mother.

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Jul. 3, 2008 at 4:55 PM

I've found a kindred spirit!! 

My son and I haven't had the easiest time together, and he's not aware of how much I truly love him. I feel like I know him better than anyone on the planet, and I've been his biggest advocate since the day he was born! The first time our eyes met was when he was in the NICU about an hour after he was born. I was wheeled up there after a difficult birth, which was filled with anxiety and concern due to meconium aspiration. I held him for two or three timeless hours, and nursed him right there, because it hurt too much to get up or move, and I knew he needed me. I'll never forget how I thought my heart would burst, just looking at his fragile little body, and sweet little face. He siezed my heart then, in a fierce and inescapable grasp. And he has no idea.

We homeschool, so we clash on so many things, but not as many as when he was in Public school. He's briliant, but restless, and school doesn't suit him. He gets hare-brained ideas about inventions and building things, but lacks the skills to accomplish them. My back yard now looks like a landfill, but I can't find a good reaason to discourage him, because you never know where his ideas might lead, in time. We've discovered great musical talent, but he struggles to find the discipline to practice. (Until he got his electric guitar, that is.) It looks like he might have a shot at acting and modeling, and maybe at music, and he's ecstatic.

 I never want my son to leave me, but of course all children do at some point. I know that my heart will be in anguish when the day comes, but I also know I'll be proud of him -- prouder than anyone, because there's nothing more powerful or complete than a momma's pride for her child.

I always tell him that he will understand how much I love him some day -- the day he holds his child in his arms, in the dead of night, and listens to his breath as he sleeps. He'll know then, and understand. Though he'll never be a momma, he'll know it as well as he ever could, when he's rocking his own child in the silence of the night.

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Jan. 11, 2009 at 1:40 AM

you are going to make me cry....

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