Wensday I was rushed to the er for bleeding and I shouldnt have been bleeding because I knew I was pregnant.  but shouldnt have been bleeding that way. I get to the hospital and tell them they get me right in.  They hook me up to monitairs and take my blood and my o2 stats where low. i felt fine except for the bleeding. they do blood work and said my patassium was really really low and I was in danger of going into a heart arthima.  had to have the most painful iv of my life  the patassium feels like someone is hitting ur bones with a hammer.  Go for sono. praying everything is all right no baby in my utusrus. HGC levels are high but no baby.they say i was about 7-8wks along. Baby was in my tube, 6am Thursday Jan 31 rushed to surgery to remove my right tube.  Now I have lost babies to miscarraige before 3 times.. I was able to cry with those losses. and grieve.  I can't cry I tried but it honestly hurts my stomach to cry, I held the pillow to it nothing helps.  I want to cry and I feel a piece of shit for not crying. I miss this baby that I will never know. I miss being pregnant. I miss the sore boobs. I miss the morning sickness aka. all day sickness.  But I can't cry. what the hell is wrong with me.  Only a few people knew I was pregnant becuase I was so early along that I didnt tell everyone for fear of a miscarraige. and yes this was a miscarraige but I have endometrosis so I knew the chance for misscarraige. But I never in a million years dreamt of this an ectopic pregnancy.  And I don't know what to do with myself. The dr that did my surgery was a sweet woman. before the surgery she came in and explained what was going on and after the surgery when I woke up she explained everything to me and what she had to do.  She explained that the low patassium had to do with the baby being in my tube and that if I wouldnt have went to the er when I did I could have died. Other then the bleeding starting I felt fine how could i have felt fine. how couldnt i have known or felt something was wrong.  So I ask for help. How could all of this been going on and I not have felt or known nothing. and why can't I cry. 

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Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:27 PM I am so sorry you are going through this right now, I don't have any words to offer except that I will definitely be praying for you.

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Feb. 10, 2008 at 1:17 PM A loss is a loss, regardless of how many people you had told or whether you knew it was possible. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. You probably will cry eventually, and wish you could stop crying. Grief is natural. You will feel it. I am so sorry for your loss...I hope you have someone who can hug you and hold your hand  when you need it. I'll be praying for you.

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Feb. 24, 2008 at 1:06 AM Sorry I am just now reading this and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you are doing okay and I will be praying for you. Hugs momma ~Tracy

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Mar. 25, 2008 at 9:59 PM Hi, thanks for adding me as a friend. My heart goes out to you for this loss...I am so sorry.

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Mar. 31, 2008 at 9:53 AM I recently went through my first misscarriage the end of January. I know how you fee.  I was only ten weeks along. I can't imagine going through it four times.  My heart bleeds for you.

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Jun. 4, 2008 at 11:47 PM

Hi - I wanted to let you know that in October of 2004 I too had an ectopic pregnancy.  I wasn't bleeding - but had a pain in my stomach.  I ended up passing out at my house and my hubby took me to the ER.  I told them I was pregnant (7 and a half weeks) and so they couldn't give me any meds (I'll make a really long story short)  6 hours after being in the ER I was finally brought up to have emergency surgery - still wasn't able to have any pain meds (due to extremely low bp) and when they finally started the surgery they found out I had over 3 liters of blood in my abdomen.  My tube had burst!  They had to do a central line in my neck to get blood to me ASAP. 

It was touch and go for a little while - even after my surgery I was still losing blood (almost had to have a hysterectomy)  I ended up in the hospital for 5 days and I don't think I cried at all.  I mean I knew I was pregnant and I was upset that I lost the baby - but I think just the craziness of what happened ended up overwhelming me and I never really "felt" the loss of that baby.  I had had a miscarriage just 4 months before hand and cried over that one - so I don't know.

I just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone.


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