Ever since my husband got home from Iraq, I don't feel like I have the same relationship with family and friends as I did before our rocky road. I feel like I'm being ridiculed for doing what I had to, to survive and take care of my son and then try to work it out with him. I dont understand how I'm being judged for something I did rather than who I am. I have never fallowed any type of stereotype, and yet I'm being thought of as one. I'm a good hearted person, and these people know me well enough to know better. I have now one I can talk to any more. it seems as though no one understands. My husband hates almost everyone I know. He and everyone else try to tell me how i should raise my son when no one but me has been every day of his life. I'm not saying my husband has no say in sons life but i dont think he should tell me i'm wrong when get angry with my son when he is getting into things or not listening. it just isnt right. he gets defencive when i try to tell him he shouldn't spank him so hard. (he doesnt know his own strength, he not abusive) it more about how he doese it rather than how hard. i dont know. I still keep thinking about our problems and how we dont talk about them. I want to work on them not pretend to be happy. we still dont trust eachother, sometime i just want him to go away, i want to be alone. But i dont want him leave me. I'm still afraid things will end in disaster. i dont think he relizes that i'm not happy with our relationship yet. I dont feel that he is completly honest me like he said he would be.

I'm sorry i'm not giving to much detail... i'm just upset and need to vent.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:01 AM its best 2 talk w him be open about your feelings thats the only way 2 resolve it talk about it.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:07 AM

First of all the only people in your relationship is him and you.  To hell with the rest.  (Well, not really but ignore what THEY WANT YOU to do for right now.)  Give yourself some credit for trying to work it out rather than just walking away.  Does he know that you guys are close to splitsville?  Men can be so clueless sometimes.  Be straight with him and explain that you feel like things are rocky but you want to work it out.  Don't blame him or say he is doing something wrong because that instantly makes things turn bad.  You both need to get on the same page regarding discipline for your child.  Or you'll have the whole bad cop-good cop thing in a few years.  Sometimes I notice myself getting after my husband for having a short fuse when the next thing I know he is calling me on it an hour later!  Until he brought it to my attention I thought he was entirely in the wrong. 

My friend sent me a Do It Yourself Marriage Repair Kit or list or whatever that Dr Phil put out.  I am sure that if you googled it you would find it out there.  It talks about outside people, kids, money, etc.  It's five things I believe.  If you can't find it let me know and I can cut and paste it from my myspace page.

And sometimes two people just need space when they get mad.  Maybe a discussion needs to happen after everyone has cooled down.  I am much better later after talking to myself and slamming some cupboard doors.  Meanwhile, my husband stand there and wants to talk about it right now but than later when I want to talk about it he acts as if it never happen...because it's in the past!  ARGH!

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:12 AM I don't know a whole lot about you whole situation, but the advice I can offer is to try to be honest. If you hold it all in, things WILL be a disaster. I hope you and your husband can find peace with each other.  Time to start over again,  ask him to tell you about Iraq and how he felt without you and your son. There are good therapists out there for those returning from the war. A close friend of mine had to close his practice because he had to go overseas and set up a practice there.  I also work in the field (i don't usually tell people),and would not mind if you wanted to vent or talk or yell or even cry. Don't hesitate to log on and find me. From personal experience I can tell you I held it all in and got tired of "pretending" now I resent him and our relationship is very strained.  I used to wonder what it would have been like if I didn't, but I can't go back, so I just push forward and do alot of talking and crying, but I am thankful for those who listen and care.  Jules

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