Ok, so here goes my post.  lol.  So right now, I'm sitting in my bed, I finally have my internet back and it's finally working on my laptop again.  Before all this shit happened with my internet, I was already having issues.  A person came back into my life that I really never expected to contact me again.  But he did so I talked to him.  We had like a three hour conversation online and I was willing to meet up with him again and see how things went.  In his words "to figure things out".  Lmao, the next morning I stubbled upon his myspace account and learned of HIS GIRLFRIEND OF FIVE MOTHER FUCKING YEARS.  lmao.  the one that he failed to mention the entire time we were friends, not to mention the times we met up and hung out and made out.  Great.  So I confront him about it because I am by NO MEANS helping some loser cheat on his girlfriend.  Long story short he started apologizing after he found out that I knew about her and told him I was sending her the conversation we had the night before.  Let me tell you, my heart sank when I found this stuff out.  I was willing to believe that he had changed but I guess Paramore was right in the their song "second chances never matter people never change".  Anywho, then later that afternoon AT&T fucked up my net so I spent so much time on the phone with them and I hate them.  If there were another fast access internet connection available in my area at the moment, I would cancel my DSL and get it. lol  So here I am, just as lonely as I was before I talked to CJ the other night, except my feelings and hopes are down in the dumps.  I'm just unsure as to what to do anymore.  I swear it's like I say I won't let my guard down, I decide to and I get shit on.  AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I NEVER GET CLOSE TO ANYONE.  It's because of people like him, it's because of people like Grant, like Jason, like Trent, like Nick.  And then when I find someone who's good to me, I push them away.  I'm too scared they'll end up just like the others.  Stupid mother fuckers.  Why can't little boys ever go up to be men anymore?  And if there are any men out there, where are they?  Why don't I deserve one?  I just want answers. lol

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:15 AM It's true that good men are hard to find. And trust me, if you ever find a good one, they have their moments... I'm sry about all that happened to you. It's terrifying when guys do that, because you know, that they were brave an stupid enough to do that and I always wonder, omg, I hope mine isn't that stupid.  I'm hear to listen if you ever need anything. Good luck & God bless.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:19 AM Its okay Because I love you and hes a jerk and I was wrong and I'm sorry :(

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