So 2008 isnt really much of my year either.  In one month so much has happened I cant even begin to understand where I have gotten my strength to be so strong through it all.  Sometimes I think about everything at the end of the day and I am like damn anyone else would have given up by now.A lot of it I realize was my choice to take on such a challenge.  It just sucks that I have grown to know that there is no one out there to trust and no will be there for me and my kids. 

My duaghter is going through so much and it seems like I am the only one trying to help her.  At times I want to just lash out at the person who has caused her all this pain and wish she could just go back to being a sweet happy little girl.  It will never happen though, he has damaged her so much.  No child so young should have to deal with anger this strong.  How do you protect them though when no one else cares or believes it or sees it true potential to emotionally and mentally scar her for life.  People only see and know what they want to see and know.  I just feel I failed her somewhere along the line  I dont know how to make it all better.  It will never go away.  I guess what hurts the most is the few friends I have told about it, act like its no big deal.  Like its ok and all.  I guess I will just have to find my own loop holes around the legal system and find the right help she needs.

A few things have happened this year already that makes me re-evaluate a few things and a few people.  Some I know their heart is in the right place but their intentions aren't.  Others its the other way around.  I know their intention are good but their heart isnt with that intention.

I knew being a single mother wouldn't be easy.  It was something I went into knowing how hard it can be.  I am just glad that I have always been able to be so strong for me and my kids.  I have to hold it together for them and so far I have.  I just hope that where ever it is I get my strength from that it stays with me always.  My kids need me and I need to be strong for them.

I guess this was just a venting post.  Since I cant really talk to anyone about stuff.  Thanks for taking the time to read it to those who made it this far.

~ Joy ~

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Comments:

AMDMCL
Apr. 21, 2008 at 1:41 AM hey if you ever need a friend or someone to talk or vent to I am a pretty good listener, I am pretty good at listening as well... I don't know what has happened to your daughter but I will say that the only way it will ever get better for her is if you stay her strong point, show her how you handle things, and talk about it with her, reassure her at all times how much you love her and will always be there to help her get through whatever and whenever the situation!!! My mom was a single mom most of my life and bad things had happened to my younger sister and if it weren't for my mom being as strong and brave as she was I don't think my sister would ever had been able to have a good relationship with a man... So again be brave and strong, God only gives us what we can handle, when we pray for strength be careful because he will give you tasks in life to make you stronger...but remember when you are weak he will pick you up and carry you through the sand... Good luck and I am here if you need a friend!

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