Well it is my grandmothers 86th birthday today and instead of feeling happy I am feeling sad. Today would have been Amanda's first big outing with the family. I should be getting the diaper bag ready and worrying if I have everything I need for the day. Instead I am empty handed and empty inside. I was starting to feel better too. I hadn't cried in a few days and I thought that what others say is true "Time does heal." But then all of a sudden the pain just sneaks right back with a thought of what should have been. I feel like I am back at square one and I just want to cry...again. Is this what it is going to be like for me now?? Every happy event is going to be shadowed by misery and pain thinking about how life should be so different for me?? How I should have a living, breathing, healthy daughter at my side??  I guess this feeling is just something I need to learn to live with. This is so not fair....I miss Amanda so much...

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Comments:

South...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:10 PM Oh, sweetie. I can imagine how you are feeling. Things will get brighter. Thinking of you.....

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Molly...
Feb. 19, 2008 at 12:49 PM

I keep feeling the same way...Everyone I know who has had a stillborn baby says it does get easier but you'll always have your sweet angel in your mind. Every time I get close to losing my mind (Which is often)...I just sit down and pray outloud and talk to my angel. I feel like she is my little imaginary baby sometimes when I am around other people. That is the only thing that has helped me is knowing she is with me in spirit. That's the only thing I know to tell you. It's hard but our angels are in heaven and have people there who love them. Our family members who have passed are taking care of them till we get there. I'll pray for your peace of mind.

With love

Tabatha

PS   I am new to this and am not sure how to message and everything yet. If I don't contact you, don't be offended.

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