Morning, ladies. I usually don't spend much time publicly ranting about other peoples' behavior, but I'm going to spend some time doing it now. Week by week, I am slowly becoming more and more disturbed and depressed by what I see going on here at CafeMom. There are 2 situations that just really made it clear that some people either need to start acting more like human beings or just not spend time here. These 2 events happened in rapidfire succession, so I am a little more than disgusted and depressed as to what they mean.

The first event happened this morning, when I was happily passing out valentines-I have a Valintinr widget on my homepage. I was typing valentines to a number of ladies that I know also have this widget. I noticed that I couldn't leave Chatter for several, when it occurred to me that they probably didn't have Chatter on their pages because they didn't want to be attacked by  nasty moms all the time. Damn, I thought, I can't even tell them that I left them a valentine, because they are so sick of being attacked by all the poison keyboard mamas!! It's past insane! The Valentinr thing in itself is depressing in a way, because none of my "friends" that I wanted to exchange valentines with has a Valentinr-this is probably because certain people put horrible presents under the Pyzam trees they had for X-mas, and they don't want a repeat of all the dreadful behavior. I am perfectly happy to exchange them w/folks from the groups that I'm in, but I also wanted to exchange them with my friends, and I am sad that none of my friends seem to want to do it with me.

The second event happened at almost the same time as the first. There is a lady in one of my groups who was mourning the loss of her dog-he's very ill with cancer, and she wants to put him to sleep so he'll be in peace. I'm right there with her, because my cat was very ill last weekend-couldn't stand, walk and had very poor vital signs. She seems to have "recovered" quite well, not back all the way, but she's made great strides. The point is, neither we nor the vets know whether she is suffering from some kind of cancer (she's quite old and it's common) or had a stroke-if it's cancer, her symptoms WILL recur and we will have no choice but to put her to sleep. So I sympathized with this poor lady soooo much-I cried writing her a response to her post. My eyes are watering as I type now. I wanted to go to her homepage and reiterate that I feel for her and tell her that she could chat with me at any time, but guess what I found? This lady's homepage has no Chatter section!!! OMG, here we go again!!!!!! 

I can't count how many peoples' pages I've tried to few and couldn't because they were private. What the hell is wrong with fellow mothers acting so belligerent and hateful that other moms have to block every avenue that could possibly be used to communicate with them?

Isn't the world in crappy enough shape? Hell, don't I go to a job every day in a high risk district (I teach special and regular ed kids in high school) where there is violence on school grounds (kids are bringing guns in their socks) and in the surrounding neighborhoods (a lady was just shot standing on her front lawn minding her own business)? There is literally hatefulness all around me on a daily basis. There are kids who will walk down the hall and pounce on people like predators just for recreation. I saw this young man being accosted by a policeman in the office-he was swung around like a sack of potatoes and had his head banged against the wall repeatedly. I'm not saying the young man in question wasn't a total thug, but I did not expect to see police brutality playing out in front of my eyes.

I live in a city (St. Louis) where there were things going on during MLK Day that would have made the poor man roll over in his grave. There are members of races here who will never get along and will always scream "Race!" when the least little thing is flung at them by an unjust person of a different color.

I don't get on CafeMom expect people to act this horrible. I see it as my refuge, a chance to talk to my peers about things we all have in common. I don't expect to be battered by immaturity, hostility and a lack of a generosity of spirit on a board which is filled with MOTHERS!!! Just imagine how many relationships I and other people will never have because my peers have gotten so frightened of cyberbullies that they won't allow others to communicate with them. 

So now it's gotten to the point that I can't fully share my joy of Valentine's Day with everyone I want to and I can't even offer cyberhugs to a fellow pet owner in distress? Some of us need to figure out why we are on this planet. Is is to bully other people? Is it to set unspeakable examples for our kids? Not to my knowledge. I will not stop coming to CafeMom. I love it here. But I'd love it a whole lot more if I didn't have to worry about fallout from every damn thing I say and do, and listen to my poor friends talk about how they've been cyberstalked by people who don't agree with them or miss opportunities to share experiences with them because they've been burned once too often. There's enough strife in my life. I have an autistic child, another whom I suspect has attention and/or learning problems, piles of bills to contend with on a daily basis and a school where there is danger all around me when I go to work. Why am I having to live with the destruction that cybersharks are causing in a place that is supposed to be my escape?



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Feb. 2, 2008 at 12:36 PM amen my dear amen very well put i often have the same and i would like to wish you a very Happy Valentines Day lots of hugs and good treats to you keep on with keep on coming here and finding the joy that is left here at cafemom i sure love it here even if there is alot of drama

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 1:09 PM Happy Valentines Day, sweetie!!  Well said...I don't understand why fellow moms would want to come to a place like this and spread their nastiness.  I've "met" lots of wonderful moms here and it's a shame that people feel the need to go private because of other moms' childish behavior.  BIG HUGS to you!!

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 2:30 PM

So many of us have come to love cafemom as our personal escape to our everyday chaotic lives.  But, I guess not even in here can we escape what goes on out there.  People have felt the need to bring their misery upon others.  That's what is comes down to.  People who are completely miserable in their own life so they try to make others miserable as well.  It is sad that someone as sweet as you Cheryl can't visit another mom's page and reach out your hand to support them because they have felt the need to go private.  And you're right about the pyzam tress, that is the reason I didn't bother doing any of the valentines, even though I wasn't a victim two of my closest cafemom friends were and I took offense.  I don't think that some moms know though, that they can block specific people, without putting their whole page to private, but some might not feel as secure in doing that.  Happy Valentines Day to you friend and many (((((hugs))))).


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Feb. 2, 2008 at 3:14 PM

There are very rude people in this world and the sad part is it wont get any better until god comes back. I think I am the one you were talking about in this journal. Awhile back I left a group that I had problems in. I did not want any of the members in it to contact me, because they were so rude. I put my chatter box  for friends only. It has been that way for awhile now. I forgot to change it back. I just changed it and thought I would share that with you. Also thank you for the kind words about my dog. He will be missed! I hope your cat will be ok. I understand a little why people have to suffer, but animals?! They don't know any better. Why should they have to suffer at all?

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 3:16 PM Happy Valentines Day! I forgot to say that in my last response.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 4:34 PM

It's really sad.  I and some other moms were attacked last weekend when we innocently put our little Valentine's plans down.  One mom on her high-horse told us that Valentine's was a pagan holiday and that she thought we shouldn't be celebrating it at all, like we were going to hell because we were giving our husbands Valentine's cards?  One mom was real nice after I quit the group and said yeah, there are all kinds of fanatics pushing their legalistic religion on us, Righteousness by Works I call it.  Then the group owner sided with the other lady and said if I wrote anything judgemental again she would erase it!  What?  I don't need that kind of "love".

And then I have been attacked twice by an admin and her husband in the big autism group, which is why I no longer belong.  I am not here much anymore because of her and her husband bullying.  Oh and I see they keep attacking other innocently posting moms in the group, so it's not just me! 

That is why a lot of moms leave or are private or have to block others or leave groups.  Who needs it?

I have a small circle of friends like you who are loving and supportive.

Happy Valentine's Day to you!  I'm so glad your kitty is still improving! 

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 5:39 PM

I am sad for all the moms who have been victims to cyber bullying.  I have not.  But I have seen it going on.  That's why I am so careful about what I post in the groups that I belong to. I just don't feel safe here.  I belong to about 12 groups and I only really post in 1 or 2 regularly.  It's sad.  I just don't want to say the wrong thing and get jumped on.  I think that cyber bullying is so rampant because being rude to someone online is much easier than being rude to them face to face.  Most cyber bullies are cowards who wouldn't have the courage to say to someone's face what they would hiding behind a computer screen.  It's sad.  I expect this type of stuff on Myspace, not on a site dedicated to mothers.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 6:32 PM Its sad this type of stuff goes on here.  We are supposed to be supporting each other , not badgering one another.  I'm still kinda new at cafemom.. I'm surprised this kind of stuff goes on.  Sounds like something needs to be done.   Don't the postings get monitored or something?

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:06 PM It is sad that these women are zcting like this. My God, I feel soo sorry for the kids! If they attack strangers what are they doing to their kids? It's stupid that we can't get on here and say whatever is on our minds bc we're afaird some nut case is going to harass us. That's why I don't post a lot journals and not in a lot of groups. To much drama, and I don't like drama.

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