it's possible i am being a selfish jerk about this or a big whiner. i'm fine with that if it's true. i had been looking forward to this for the last month since x-mas was a letdown. i like all "my" gifts i received don't get me wrong but the reason why i put my in quotes was because all my gifts were also gifts that everyone could enjoy. i just want to send a statement to all next year that says something like this "i am fine with being left out of x-mas. please, if you aren't getting me what i want then don't get me anything at all." but i know i would still just get things that i don't want or only mentioned in passing were cool. honestly i would have rather had the fifteen bucks than the spinal tap dvd. i had a free rental anyway.

so i am bummed today not because of all that but rather, because of me not seeing any of the income tax money. never mind i am using a "purse" i got at the dollar section of target or a beach tote. i didn't need an actual purse anyway right? never mind that i am still waering the same panties from four years ago. i'd just stain up new ones since i have my period again, isn't that right honey? the last time i bought new panties was around my birthday. and so what if i only have one bra that fits right? why would i need nice shoes that won't blister my feet? why would i want more than two pairs of jeans? why does it bother me that you can spend money on yourself but tell me to hold off a little longer? why should i get annoyed when you tell me that i can buy what i want and them when i do i get interrogated about how much it cost? why indeed.

i really want his job to start already so i can just go apply at some boring breakfast place that isn't going to expect the world of me so if i am laid up with another infection and have to miss work for bedrest then it won't be a big deal. a place where i can save for a tattoo and actually feel bills in my hand. have my own checks to cash and my own money i won't have to answer for. if i feel like a jimmy john's sub then i can just go get one. i could just go shop like i used to be able to do. just a side of liberty is all i am wanting. watch me not get that either.

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Feb. 2, 2008 at 12:36 PM

Sure its selfish...but you derserve to be selfish!  Sometimes us moms do so much for everyone else and we don't get to do for ourselves, and we all need to be selfish at times.  We went to a fancy event for Girl Scouts and had clothind already, but I needed new shoes for the girls.  My husband needed new shoes and if I would have bought new shoes it would have been about 80 total.  So I forsaked getting new shoes evne though I found a pair I really liked and just made do with old ones.

((hugs)) You have my sympathies and I wish you all the best!  Don't have any advice, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you deserve to get some things for yourself!

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Feb. 4, 2008 at 12:27 AM

Wow! I am the opposite. I will look at something & debate if I should spend the money on something I don't absolutely! I would rather wear my old panties another month or tow to buy one of the boys something they would enjoy. My hubby is always telling me I should buy something just because I want it, but I never do.

I wish I had some resolution for you. Have you tried telling your husband how it makes you feel when he interrogates you?

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Feb. 8, 2008 at 11:49 AM

uh huh. that's one of the many reasons I'm getting a divorce; when he spends money it's on stuff for HIM, not anything that I or little Buford could also enjoy. I'd try to buy stuff for US, stuff we NEEDED, stuff everyone could use or enjoy. and if you're being selfish, then so am I.

my mom buys me stuff I don't want or need and if it's clothes, it's ugly and too big (cuz she keeps reminding me I'm her BIG girl, meaning fat). my sis buys me stuff I don't want or need and if it's clothes, it's loud or meant for a tween or way too small (cuz the bitch is a freakin' size 8, yeah, I would be too if I'd had lipo at 40 or had time to work out for two hours every day).

my BFF here and I have a deal: if we can both afford to buy each other something for Xmas, it's a gift card from the store of our choice. if even one of us can't afford it, neither of us buys so we don't do the "I can afford to spend hundreds" guilt trip on each other, like my sis does.

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