The wake was last night for our friend.  It was very sad, and not that they are ever happy times but this one was especially sad.  We stood in line for 3 hours, and in a way it was comforting to see how many friends Joel had.  I imagine there was over 1000 people there.  When we finally got to the family, we had to walk in front of the casket, I couldn't look, I just couldn't do it.  The whole time, his step mom was right there next to him in his casket.  I thought to myself, would I be able to do it?  I would want to shake him and say "wake up!!!"  As we made it through the line, we came to Joel's longterm girlfriend.  She was having a really hard time.  I gently closed my eyes for a moment because I couldn't stand watching her cry and I could see myself standing there in her place.  I could feel the complete utter loss of words, loss of direction, loss of will to live....the things I am sure she was feeling at that same moment.  I just hugged her, and cried w/ her, and said I wish I could bring him back, I really do.  I am SO sorry!!  I walked out of there feeling so loss.  I wanted to run back and say this is the easy part, it's tomorrow when you bury your son, grandson, brother, boyfriend, and the days, months, years that come that are the hardest.  Seeing that everyone elses lives don't stop like yours has.  It's becoming angry.  All of these emotions I know so well.  I lost my brother to an accident 12 years ago, he was 18, and the wounds are still there. 

I am so grateful to have all of you cafe mom friends, I really appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.  But, please don't stop praying for Joel's family, it's going to continue to be a long rough road for them.

I finally can go to sleep w/o my lamp on.  I was so freaked out all week.  It just was way to close to home.  Something like this could happen to anyone.  It makes you definitley count your blessings.

  We bought Joel and Amanda's  boat this past summer, and had a wonderful summer with it.  We were planning a weekend w/ them to come and spend some time w/ us this coming summer.  I told Amanda, girlfriend, that I would take a picture and send it to her.  I think we are going to have some type of graphic put on the boat saying "In memory of Joel Marino" or something like that.  It just seems appropriate since he loved his boat.

Again, thanks to everyone.  I really appreciate it. 

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Comments:

Daely...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:52 PM You are a very good person Sarah!  That was so nice of you to be there to comfort Amanda and his family.  I think that is a very nice idea of putting that on the boat in memory of Joel!!!

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luvin...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:50 PM Thank- you for sharing such personal emotions.   I'm sure that your friendship and shoulder to cry on was/will be greatly appreciated by those left behind!   Take care...

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cuddl...
Feb. 10, 2008 at 11:59 PM You're in my prayers.  I too just went to a funeral on Saturday of my 25 year old cousin-in-law.  I've never seen so many young people flowing with tears.  He left behind a beautiful fiancee and 9 month old son.  His finacee wrote the most beautiful letter to him and had the pastor read it.  It brought back so many thoughts of my little sister's car accident almost 8 years ago.  Death is hard - especially when it's people that are so young and so tragic as yours.  Sorry :(

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