Here I sit, sinus headache, chocolate cake, and glass of Captain and Diet Coke. Cole is sleeping. He looks so peaceful. Longest nap he has had all day. I look at him and smile. But....inside I am sad. Is this what happens when you get married and have kids? I feel lost, unwanted, confused. I love my son more that anything and the look in his eyes is so joyful I know he loves me. But what about LOVE and passion and being a priority in someones life. Maybe I am being selfish and petty, maybe I'm just having a bad night. Isn't the feeling of being wanted something everyone wants? I'm not asking to be put on a pedestal everyday, hell I'm not even asking for a worldwind romance. But a little devotion, a little passion, a little.....something. He has his golf, his cards, his friends. I wish he felt half as passionate about me as he does these *hobbies*. I don't remember the last time he kissed me, I'm not talking a quick kiss when going out the door. I mean a real kiss. I know that this is a two way street and believe me I try. But that is hard to do when he is out the door when the better thing comes along. And it is promise after promise. I cry, he says he cares. I know he cares. He is a good man, a wonderful father. Couldn't ask for better. I just want a husband. I may sound childish and naive, but this is how I feel and it felt good to say it. I guess I'm just feeling down and having a bad night.

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Comments:

mamal...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 10:20 AM

Aw Kim, I'm sorry.  Just talk to him when Cole is napping & the two of you have some time to yourselves.  He sounds like a good man & I'm sure he'll understand.  Big hugs to you!! ♥

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